So I told my parents I am Bi this week. I am very concerned about the way it happened though. I am home for the summer from college and I have been hanging out with a lot of my friends from high school. The other day I am watching a movie on the couch with my dad and he asks me about some of my friends being gay and then then asks if I am...... I lied about this before about 6 or 7 yrs ago (because I was in high school and my girlfriend at the time had just broken up) and decided that I didn't want to lie anymore. So I said that I liked girls and guys and that as long as I find someone who loves me and will take care of me I don't care if they are a man or a woman. He didn't say anything after that and hasn't since. I had planned on telling my mom the next day but she has a really bad day and I didn't want to make it worse so I decided to wait. Well the next day was my b-day (yay for turning 23) and I really didn't want that to be a bad day either. Well I guess that was my mistake because I went out of town till today. While I was gone my dad calls me and says "So you're telling me you're gay right" and I say yes. He then says "you need to call your mother now and tell her, now. Understand me?" and then hangs up. So I call my mom, chat for a few about what I was doing and then I tell her what happened with dad and that I didn't want her to find out this way. She said (while crying) "ok, well we can talk about it when you get back." So I am back and my dad is hardly speaking to me. My mom seems ok with it I guess. She is being nice to me and normal for the most part, but I can feel the tension. At this point I am really confused on what all I should say when the topic does come up. I just got out of a 5 1/2 yr relationship with a guy and I would like to start dating again. Which is why I guess I decided to tell them now. (Dating again is gonna have to be another post..... actually dating after 2 long relationships.... and openly looking for guys and girls? Oh man, what am I doing?) My first girlfriend has stepped into the picture and my family knows she is gay so I figured it would be kinda obvious if we started hanging out a whole lot. We have a very long history (we have been friends since we were 10, she came out to me when we were 14 and we started dating a few weeks later, we stayed together for 2 yrs.) Do I tell them all that? When they ask "well how do you know you like girls?" what do I say? If they ask about sex and all that how honest should I be? Any suggestions on how to make a bad situation better? :help:
Aww I'm sorry that it went down like that (*hug*). As for what to tell them, for the most part only tell what you're comfortable telling. For example, if they ask you about dating girls you can mention about your previous relationship with your ex girlfriend. Or you can just bring it up if you want to. As for them asking how you know you like girls you can say something like, "The same way you know that you like the opposite sex. You don't know at all, you just feel it." And if they ask you about sex and things like that, it's the same thing. Only divulge how much you are comfortable saying. Good luck!
I am sorry that it didn't go the way you wanted it to go. I'm sure that your dad will come around to it. Just give him some time. Maybe you could give your dad some PFLAG material to read. I'm sure Becky would not mind it if you contact her about it. Becky will be able to give you the material that you need. If you feel comfortable with it, you could maybe try enlisting your mom's help in talking to your dad about it as your mom seems to be supportive and okay about it for the most part. Having said this, maybe talk to your mom alone again just to make sure that she has not any lingering questions or concerns. She might also be going through an 'adjustment' and 'accepting' period though. The next time you have the conversation with your parents together, you could follow Midnight Angel's suggestion as what to say to them should they ask you "well how do you know you like girls?" Also, reassure them that you have not changed and that you are still the same person. Being as honest as you can will help in moving things forward. Although it didn't go the way you wanted it, remember that time is a great healer. In time your parents, in particular your dad will come around to it. I hope this helps a bit!
Bisexuality is harder for parents to come to terms with than homosexuality because the hope is left that you will find an opposite sex life partner and all will be well in the world. (as far as your parents are concerned) There is a good brochure on bisexuality in the PFLAG resources. You can download it from the sticky at the top of Support and Advice or PM me and I'll mail it to you. Your parents will probably be fine with just a little bit of education and understanding.
Thanks for the support. I'm going to print out the info and give it to my mom. We still haven't talked yet, but I know she is going to support me because today she told me to not let my dad give me a hard time. Which he still has not said a word to me. Blah.
