Hi there! So, a few nights ago I was speaking with my mother. It was a very typical conversation, nothing special. Out of nowhere she stops me in the middle of my sentence and asks, "Are you a lesbian?" Automatically, instinctively, I say yes. Then came a reaction that was better than I had ever expected. We talked a bit about it, I have support, all should be well. I had been worrying about coming out to my mother for many months. I had been searching for the right words, the right opportunity, the right night when she was in the right mood... And it all happened for me, so abruptly and without any warning or control. I am so grateful for the positive reaction, and yet... Whenever I think of that moment, I get this dreadful feeling in my gut/heart and I can't really explain it. I feel like maybe I haven't processed it yet, or I just wasn't quite ready to be out to her. I suddenly have a bit of internalized homophobia going on too, even though I'd started to get a lot more comfortable with myself before this. I was wondering, has anybody else had similar reactions after being outed/coming out, even if it technically went well? Does anyone have an explanation for this? Anyways, this is a little ranty thing and though perhaps a little silly to post, I would really appreciate some thoughts. Thank you, and have a good day!
Hi! Congrats on coming out!!! That is incredibly awesome!!! I thought your post was interesting because I'm in a little bit of a similiar position. I told my homophobic parents nearing two years ago (wow, seems like yesterday because my life is still bad), and I still have bad feelings. They were surprisingly perfect when they read my letter, and yet I feel very awkward about it still. I think I just did it in a way that wasn't comfortable for me, maybe like you it was a little bit the fact that it wasn't how you expected it to be. I didn't really plan on my parents being accepting like that. I'm still feeling too awkward to talk about it, as I'm dealing with so much more right now, maybe talking more to your mom would help? It's probably an individual thing, but I'm still struggling with it. No child wants anything about their sexuality being in the spotlight with their parents, so maybe it's the awkward factor. I just hate it being like that since I'm just as normal as straight people in that regard. Guess I'm of no help, but it's weird feeling bad AFTER it went well! How bad were you expecting her to react? Do you still get the feeling she is homophobic? My parents are strong conservative, Southern Baptist, fundamental, evangelical Christians. D: My mom stopped saying bad things about the LGBT+ community after I came out, which is pretty big. My dad might have lessened a little, but he still says some things so for me I still have to deal with the fact that they probably both are still homophobic after they said they accepted me... It's ingrained into their mindst that homosexuality is something that's wrong and gross and awkward I imagine so it can't have just gone away surely. (I mean there were open family members before me.) ANYWAY, that's me. You don't have to read that, it's just got me thinking now. Good luck with your situation! I hope you feel better and things get better for you. <3
It's totally understandable you'd have that reaction. Coming out is an intensely personal thing, and not having control over the timing can be very upsetting. My sister outed me to the whole family and a couple of family friends over dinner one night when I was fourteen. Everyone was totally cool with it, but I felt absolutely horrified afterward. Embarrassed, awkward, like I wanted to go back and explain or defend myself or I don't know what--and like they were talking about me behind my back or making things up about who I was in their heads, I don't know. Paranoid. And deflated. I guess having the question put to you so abruptly is almost like being outed by a third party, in the sense that you're not in charge. I'm so sorry if happened this way for you, but glad that your mom is being nice at least. You're not alone. And this is not a silly post at all!
