So the other day I was texting my friend who is currently out of town at a summer camp and I have been meaning to come out to her for a while so I thought this would be a somewhat ok time because on the off chance she had a difficult time accepting it there would be some space between us for at least a while. this is basically how the conversation went. me: so anything exciting happen to you? her: no how bout you? me: guess what her: what? me: oh nvm i don't want to bother you with it (I chickened out a little :icon_redf ) her: come on just tell me theres nothing to do in this corn field of a town anyway me: well idk really how to say this but I'm gay but I would like it if you wouldn't tell anyone else because I'm not ready for other people to know just yet but your one of my best friends and thought you deserved to know her: just call me my phone is being gay and not accepting texts I interpreted that last sentence as her not accepting me being gay so i was freaking out. I felt like as soon as she came back she was gonna tell everyone. I didn't call her because I was on the verge of tears. The one person I knew that I trusted and thought would accept me flat out rejected me. A little later she logged on aim. the conversation went something like. her: hey sorry about that my cell phone's reception is really gay here what were saying? (I was thinking why is she still using the word gay like that with me is she just trying to make my life worse than I already thought it was at that moment?) me: I'm gay and I hope you can accept me for who I am and that we can still be friends but I would like it if you didn't tell anyone because I am not ready to tell anyone else. her: Thats ok I accept you and of course we can still be friends also don't worry I won't tell a soul thats what friends are for : ) So her phone really was messed up and she didn't receive the text I sent her. I went from feeling like crawling into a hole for the rest of my life to feeling awesome. It was an emotional roller coaster of a first coming out to say the least lol. The only thing is she still uses the term gay as a derogatory word and I don't like it but I don't know how to confront her about it. Any suggestions?
Haha, I was laughing at the irony in this (I think there's irony, it's a confusing term..) Well, things pretty much went amazing so I'm happy for you :] I wish my friends were as great as yours :/ but that's different.. haha I don't really know what to say about the gay thing, I don't get worked up over it because I know my friends don't say it to hurt me. I always picture them as saying "ghey" but haha.. idk. I'd just tell her that it hurts you a little bit when she says that.. it's not a huge issue compared to coming out to her so just tell her to calm down a bit :] I doubt she'll freak out. Anyhow, welcome to EC :smilewave I'm sure the advisors will introduce themselves eventually.. haha.. (a bit of jelousy haha, nothing against them personally, just mad at the pm restrictions taking effect)
I'm happy for you!!! Hey, i guess you have to start at on and work to all! But about the gay thing, well just ask her since she is very understanding. But it may take some time to for her to not use that term, it's probably just a bad habbit don't be offended, maybe try and work in a joke or something, like asking if it was a male phone. Anyway good luck on raising those numbers!!!
I'm glad that it turned out well for you. For the "that's so gay" thing I suggest you start saying "that's so straight." Not only is it funny, but she'll definitely notice it, and will probably realize what she is saying as well.
Well done for being so brave! I'm happy that it turned out fine (*hug*) About the use of gay as an insult, I would wait until you're alone sometime and say to her, "Hey, X, would you mind not using gay to mean bad in front of me? I find it slightly upsetting that it's used that way, so I would really appreciate you being more considerate." Try not to seem too uptight or have a go at her, just explain how it makes you feel mocked, and ask that she would try not to do it anymore. If she's accepting of you, and you get her to sit and think about it for a moment, she should stop readily. :0 Good luck!
"Gay" is unfortuneatly very intergrated into society and our general vocabulary. I don't think that most people think twice about using it. It's a shame but I think so many people don't realise they are saying it. As for telling her not to use it around you or in general I think it will probably dawn on her. What I mean is the word only upsets us because being gay is a part of our lives so in affect we see the world through "gay eyes" as in we notice when people say homophobic things as we look for it or are more aware. Now you have come out to her the issue of homosexuality will obviously be on her mind as she will probably be reassessing all her views on it. Anyone with a tiny amount of empathy will obviously realise that saying things are "gay" around a gay person will be upsetting so I think she will probably stop saying at much in front of you. A little story - The first person I came out to wasn't really that good about it but I won't go into that. Anyway we were together at school and someone else we were with said something to which she replied "that's so gay." I only just caught it so I aked her what she had just said (I kind of realised and was only acting to see what she would say back) and she replied.. "oh... err... I said that was rubbish." So what I am trying to say is that even though she wasn't very supportive she has now stopped using the word "gay" in a derogitory fashion now she knows. So as your friend reacted alot better and was far more accepting she will almost deffinately realise saying things are "gay" in a negative way will upset you so will probably stop of her own accord. If she doesn't (not counting slips where she doesn't mean to say it) then just have a little word and tell her you would rather she didn't say it as you find it offensive. But congrats on coming out to her!! I'm glad it all went so well for you. I think its emotional for most of the early coming outs but generally the relief and happiness of the openess you get from it is really worth it!!
Thanks for all the kind words everyone I guess I will just wait a little while and see how things turn out with her using the word gay. For now at least I just won't let it get to me in fact just being out her even if it is one person feels really good. Now I don't have to worry about what I say or how I act in front of her. It makes me want to tell other people but I think I'm just gonna take it slow lol.
This reminds me of that TV commercial about cell phones where the cell phone goes dead just right after somebody tells somebody else something important. As far as her terminology....I'd get a t-shirt made that says "That's so.....straight!" She'll get the hint!
I don't mean any harm, but I use the word "queer" as in strange, not gay, when it comes to things acting unusually.
Whew. I'm glad it turned out well for you. I was reading it and was like "crap this doesn't sound like it'll end well" but it did! Woot woot! And don't sweat the gay thing as a deragatory word; that's just some people's way of saying suckish or weird or retarded I don't think they mean it to offend gay people. : ]
