From any of you who have seen my previous thread about my mother being uncaring, intolerable, ungrateful, and ill-willed...I'm sure your mouths are open in shock. Because I just came out to her. Sort of. I told her I was "questioning my sexuality." It came up after she said, "So...gotcher eye on any guy?" And I instinctively laughed (I know, mistake) and said, "Um, no." Long story short...a little bit of casual conversation later, I got around to telling her about it. I'm sitting here nearly aghast myself. How could I come out to such a woman? Well, I guess I needed to. I needed to tell SOMEONE in my family. And she was accepting enough. She said, "Well, it's about that time in your life when you start to think about it." Didn't come up again. She probably will forget about it by morning. But one big step...DONE! I just can't believe that I came out to HER of all people...
:eusa_clapThats great congratz and group hug and such.(&&&) *edit* Pretty much same thing happend to me a few months ago. Except it was more of an argument and it slipped out. Doubt they heard and if they did they dismissed it.
*hugs* Oh my gosh, I'm so, so proud of you! Was it scary? Do you feel better about it now? I'm so excited for you! Congratulations! ~megan~ :thewave:
Thanks, Megan. I'm actually kind of more nervous now than I was before I told her. Which is...not a good thing. She's downstairs talking to my dad...but I don't know about what. It's really kind of scary. I don't think I'm going to be coming out again any time soon.
Wow! I was one of those people with my mouth open in shock! My mouth literally dropped! Congrats! I think her reaction was nice considering how she treats you. I'm glad you did it though make sure you tell us what she was saying to your dad if you find out.
*angry sigh* You know, sometimes I think I really should just cut off contact with her. She pulled me aside and talked to me for a while, and tried to convince me that it was not a phase, but an illusion. She said that because of what's happening right now to me, and because of my past...I've deluded myself into rejecting the whole male race to find something that's familiar and safe. Psych 101 anyone? But I'm scared now. I'm scared of what she said to me, because it might be true. But I think of men in that way...and I get scared (no offense, guys). I freak out. Has anyone seen that Alfred Hitchcock movie "Marnie"? Well, if you know when Sean Connery is doing the word association with her and he says, "Red!" and she starts screaming, "WHITE! WHITE!" and clawing up at the bed frame...that's now I feel. I hear "sex" (in the context of hetero) and I start freaking out, breathing fast, my heart rate going up, all these things not in a good way, but in a terrified way. I'm afraid of what I've become. I'm afraid that...I've psychologically ruined myself. I don't know what to do.
:O Congrats! My mouth was actually wide with shock! But I'm so happy and proud for you! I wouldnt have had the courage :/ ___ oh hang on I just read your last post... Maybe your reactions to hetero sex is just a reaction you your mum saying that your sexuality is an illusion etc, like shes saying that you will have hetero sex, but because you're a lesbian the thought of it makes you very uncomfortable. ? maybe? xxx
First off, congrats, coming out to your mother took a whole lot of courage. Next, I think it may be best if you cleared some things up with her. Now, I'm not saying talk to her, but write her a letter and include some PFLAG stuff. Just get the point across that you are gay not because of the 'male race', or anything like that. You can't argue with words written on a piece of paper can you? Good luck and remember, PM me if you need help of any kind. (*hug*)
Maybe I've missed something... I don't know what has happened to you in the past, and I don't need to know. But if you've experienced some kind of trauma, perhaps you need to be working with a therapist (a real one, not an 'armchair' one like your mother) to really understand what impact it is continuing to have on your life. Only then will you know what the real underlying motives are behind your behaviours. Does that make sense? I hope so. (*hug*)
But please don't despair or give up hope because of someone else's assumption, especially about your sexuality. You can take the reins and do what makes you happy, because that is what's important. You have to do some hard-core thinking about yourself and what you want. I wish you the best of luck, o.k?
Thanks for all your help, guys. I'm...really not sure about anything right now. I considered asking my mom if I can go to an appointment with her shrink (yes, she goes to a "therapist"...I'm not sure if that says a lot or not), and I might ask her in a bit. You guys have been so supportive, and I thank you so much. I might post my past in my blog at some point if I have a lot of time on my hands so you all know what I'm talking about if I mention HIM. Thanks again.
Congratulations on coming out - very brave! You might not have planned it, but this is one task that's now in your past, rather than your future, so it's another of life's hurdles behind you, so to speak. As to your mum's reaction - I would just like to say that as I understand it, nothing can "turn" you gay, such as negative experiences with the opposite sex (which is what I presume you speak of). I'm really sorry you had to suffer in the past, but whatever your mum says, I don't think that she's right. I think that she is in classic denial and coming up with explanations, which unfortunately seem to hit on your sensitive buttons making you doubt yourself. The way I see it, negative experiences can make you wary and distrustful of men, say, but they cannot make you attracted to women. Do you see what I mean? There's a difference between beng mistrustful or scared or whatever and being attracted. I myself have had similar thoughts to you in the past for various reasons (PM me if you would like) but what I would say to you is that it sounds as though your mum is hitting on an already-sensitive issue in your psyche rather than actually uttering truths. I don't think you've "psychologically ruined" yourself at all. I think that you're just gay (slightly bi) as you describe. Counselling or therapy could help - but just be sure that your mum doesn't send you to a dodgy one. As in, any one worth their salt would be helpful to you rather than make you more confused, hopefully, and confidentiality will have to be protected (which is why in some cases it's sometimes better to see someone professionally rather than talk to friends). But congratulations for coming out, and I hope things get better between you and your mum. It sounds as though she's been trying to think about why you might be gay, come up with this, and in doing so hit a sore point with you. But I hope that things get better
