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Accidentally Out to my Mom: What Happens When You Forget to Clear History

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by SwimScotty, Mar 20, 2014.

  1. SwimScotty

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    As the thread states, I accidentally had to come out to my mom last night. I had used her computer a few weeks ago because it was already set up and I didn't want to go get mine, and being the moron I am I forgot to clear the browser history. So when she logged on last night she saw this site in the history and came up to talk to me after I'd already gone to bed. It was hella awkward. She did the whole "Is there something we need to talk about?" thing, which just made it that much worse. She said she wasn't really surprised, because I'm pretty vocal about gay rights stuff, but she also asked how I knew, which was a weird question to answer because there's only 4 people who know about the guy I have a crush on. And then the "Be Safe" talk that nobody wants to have with parents, as well as the "I love you but I don't really understand" talk. So yeah, my mom knows now, and she reacted about how I expected her to. But I don't plan to come out to Dad just yet. I'm not sure exactly how he would react.
     
  2. mbanema

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    I'm sorry that you didn't get to come out on your own terms, but hopefully once you give it a bit of time to sink in you'll look at this as an immensely positive moment in your life. I think it gets more difficult to come out the more you wait on it and you already have one of the most challenging out of the way. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Mlpguy88

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    Even if it's an accident it is still good. Congratulations, it's one important person out of the way :slight_smile:
     
  4. GayDadStr8Marig

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    You're fortunate that your mom was understanding with you. How is your relationship with your dad in general? Has he given any indications on his views about gay people? There are no timelines on when to cone out or to whom. You will know when its the right time for you to tell someone.
     
  5. Clay

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    Well that actually didn't sound that bad. I'm happy for you, even if it wasn't on your own terms. :slight_smile:

    For future reference, because I've seen this a few times on the EC, if you click the orange Firefox bar in the top left of the browser, and click "New Private Window", it'll open a browser that wont save any of your web history.

    It's easier than deleting your history and doesn't give the big "I've been looking at porn" signal that a suspiciously empty browsing history does. Internet Explorer has a similar feature, and I assume Chrome does too.
     
  6. BMC77

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    Too bad it was by accident, and not how you might have planned it. But at least it sounds like it went OK, which is good.
     
  7. Bolt35

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    google chrome next time. incognito mode is the best :wink:

    well at least you got it out of the way. she's an important person in your life and she seems to understand you. only you of all people would know how your parents react. glad it turned out well in the most awkward position to be in.
     
  8. BMC77

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    I won't speak for your mother, but I'd bet many, if not most, parents hate having that talk, too!

    And, again, I won't speak for your mother, but I think it's very likely she'll understand better in time.

    ---------- Post added 20th Mar 2014 at 10:09 PM ----------

    Anonymous browsing: I know that Opera, Chromium (open source version of Chrome), and Firefox support some sort of anonymous browsing feature. The names and details vary, but basically in that mode there will be no recorded history.
     
  9. SwimScotty

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    Well, he's never said anything directly anti-gay (that I can think of), and he thinks the laws in Kansas and the Arizona proposals are repugnant, so I don't think he's really against it. But he seems to judge whenever someone who's very flamboyant is on TV, so I'm not really sure.

    Also, I know about private browsing. I'm used to checking this site on my computer, which only I use, so I don't usually worry about history or private mode. I just forgot that Mom's computer has the "recent pages" on the homepage so I needed to do something about it.
     
  10. IG88

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    Oh boy...could've been a worse site to forget to delete though! Your mom had a good reaction, hopefully your dad will as well later.
     
  11. Chip

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    First, I'm sorry it happened the way that it did. It always sucks when the "outing" happens out of your control. Been there and it sucks. On the other hand, it's probably a relief of sorts that she knows and you don't have to hide it, and that her response was pretty positive.

    I'm going to float an idea here: Since your mom already suspected, and since you've been a supporter of gay rights (which is usually a pretty big giveaway... not many straight guys are vocal supporters of gay rights unless they have siblings or parents who are gay)... I think it's possible that your dad also suspects.

    Remember, too, the stages of loss (in this case, your parents loss of the perception that you're straight.) denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance.

    So if your dad has some suspicion or awareness, what you might be seeing, in his rejection of flamboyant gays, is a way of denying the truth about you... and/or a way of conveying his disapproval in the hopes that by doing so, it will make it not be the case. Both of these are examples of the "denial" phase of the stages of loss.

    In other words... it's very possible that he's processing the idea that you may be gay, and saying what he's saying without even realizing it, or why he's saying it. So his real feelings may be (likely are) a lot more supportive. If your mom suspected, I'd bet $20 that she and your dad have had at least one conversation, at some point, as to whether you are gay or not. So my guess is... it won't be a surprise, and it won't be a big deal.
     
  12. thrnvlpidj

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    Freudian slip?

    Must be a bit of a relief though. Hope things go well for you.
     
  13. sungoesdown

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    A bit of an awkward moment, eh? Well, congratulations anyways. It's all for the best.
     
  14. RedDev84

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    I've wondered for a while if this could happen to me, I would choose for it to happen at all. But if it were, I couldn't be sure if it would be a relief that they know or a disaster they found out.

    It's a possibility as I don't delete my history, but it's not a shared computer and they don't switch it on when I'm at work or such as far as I know.
     
  15. Kasey

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    People keep forgetting that "I love you" part you mentioned.

    Not understanding is fine, but she said she loves you, so that means to me she will come to that point some time.

    I often wonder what my parents would say if I told them I'm trans... Would I love you always still apply?

    However it is, I'm glad it worked out for you in the end.