Came out after a break up.

I may have come out to three or four close friends when I was at high school and college but my coming out to my parents was never intentional. The plan was to keep it from them until I'm six feet under but obviously that didn't happen.

I came out to my parents during my first break-up. Like I said, I never intended to do it, (heck, especially not during a break up!) but at that time, it was either keeping that secret to myself and failing my three-years undergraduate course or telling my parents what was happening. I was two weeks away from my finals exams when it all happened. Focus and revision were words I suddenly could not comprehend. This was two years ago but it still feels like yesterday to me. As if it's not embarrassing already, I came out to my mother because I knew that if I don't, I will waste three years of studying for my degree. I was a complete mess. I didn't know what to do since nobody knew about it. I felt like I was going to burst physically, to be honest. So I told her all about it. I also told her not to tell my father in which she agreed. We kept that secret for a few days but she kept telling me that my father were getting worried and asking more about me since, well I was constantly, shall we say, "teary" (I'm trying to save some dignity here).

Anyway, the time came when I couldn't omit the fact to my father. He came over to my room and asked what was really going on. So I told him. But I told him I liked a guy. He was cool about it, trying to tell me it's normal, I should move on and whatnot. He eventually left my room. My mother wasn't in my room at the time this happened. For a couple of hours my father thought I was lamenting over a guy until my mother told her that it was a girl. I was hoping she would just agree with the story I gave but I guess she had to tell him the whole truth. If I remember correctly, my father came back to my room and told me what my mother just told him. I kept silent. To be honest, I was ready to get hit. I guess he could just see how distraught and pathetic I looked and that if he had hit me, I wouldn't feel a thing. I really don't know. Amongst other things, he also mentioned that he's glad the wrong relationship was over. Not something I wanted to hear but I knew that I've disappointed them at that point. There wasn't exactly any room for anything in my head at the time. Everything was just shattered.

 

Hey. Thanks for reading and dropping a line, I appreciate it.

 

They're... alright with it now, I guess. I mean, they didn't disown me or anything but it's something that we don't speak in the house and certainly never discussed with the extended family. They don't bring it up, I don't bring it up. It just sucks to have a constant reminder of disappointing my parents in my head. I'm still trying to be okay with it.

 

Thank you. I'm sorry you had to go through that too...