I'm not really sure how to tell my parents I'm bisexual, I get the impression that while they aren't homophobic (my uncle is gay and they're fine with him) they might be slightly biphobic (does that exist?). A few of my friends are bisexual and when I mention that to my parents they seem to be a bit "oh well that doesn't exist" or "thats just greedy". My stepdad, while he's brilliant,he makes jokes all the time (generally makes jokes about everything) so I don't really know whether he's being serious or not, so I don't know his feelings about bisexuality. I want to tell them because I don't want to hide it from them, it's not something I'm ashamed of, all of my friends know and they don't see it as a problem, but I'm wondering if the same could be said for my parents, and I don't really know what to do. :help: edit :Ugh I just realised I probabaly put this in the wrong forum >.< x
Hi! First of all, you say your parents are fine with your gay uncle. That's great! That means they shouldn't be too funny about your sexuality. In regards to their "Biphobia". Perhaps you could help it by explaining what it is you are attracted to. Eg, are you more interested in seeing them as a whole person or in their gender? Does their personality matter? Do their looks matter? The main problem, I think, would be that they don't really understand what a bisexual person is attracted to -> the idea of lesbian/gay denial, "Experimenting", "Phases" that sort of thing. A way to help it would be to think up everything possible your parents might say about it, and how you can answer it. So, if you think your parents will ask "But how do you know you're not just a lesbian? or straight?" then think of a reply such as "well, how do you know you're straight?" Okay, so that's not the best example, but I'm tired and my nerves are shot to ribbons. If you need anymore help just send me a note
hey, thanks for your reply, anyhelp is great because I don't realy know what to do :/ thats probably the type of thing I'd say xD ____ also, I guess on a more worried note for me, I always get the impression from my mum I never do enough to make her happy, what I do isn't good enough, and I'm thinking that this would just be another disappointment for her, she's quite judgmental of other people and judged them by her standards which are higher than everyone elses... *sigh*
In my opinion coming out as Bi is a lot harder than coming out as gay. People don't take you seriously and the think that you in denial of being gay or you just want attention etc. I think you should just tell them When they say the things like 'its a phase' 'bisexuals dont exist' or what have you...just re-assure them
well, you're over one hurdle if they're not homophobic. I agree with Henson that coming out bi is harder than being gay, because no matter "how they feel about it" more people "believe it is possible" to be gay than bi. If you're sure of your personal safety and that they won't kick you out and you really wrong with waiting either. At the end of the day it is how YOU feel. If you come out and they tell you bisexuals don't exist, then you can try to educate them. In my experience (through my bi friend) if they aren't homophobic in the first place then they will be more open to wrapping their heads around bisexuality, even though it will take time. Time is the ultimate healer. Best of luck!
If they aren't homophobic, they probably aren't biphobic. However, you should have all your facts straight. Make sure they understand that bisexuality is an orientation in its own right, and you're just not gay and having trouble admitting it. The more they understand about it, the better they'll be able to accept you. Good luck.
sounds like your parents are pretty cool. explain everything to them and hopefully theyll be able to learn to accept you.. good luck! and keep us updated
I feel in a similar position to you, as my mum has occasionally, when the topic of bisexuality has come up, talked about "confusion" being normal in adolescents or young people. I therefore fear that although she's not homophobic (or at least not when it's on TV...), she might not fully get that bisexuality is an orientation in its own right. I think that what you need is to be educated about bisexuality, and to be sure of yourself. Do your parents usually trust your judgement? Do they consider you a sensible person? If so, then your job will be that much easier. However, if they tend to contradict you in things, or to patronise you, or to consider that you're too young to have valid and learned opinions about this and that, then your job will be that bit harder. I really do think that parents' opinions concerning your maturity levels and the extent to which they tend to trust your judgement has an effect on how readily they accept your words as truth when you come out, particularly as bisexual. You have to be prepared to answer questions like "Are you sure?" and assertions such as "It's a phase" or "It's confusion" or "Everyone your age has same-sex crushes. When I was your age....". You may not get these questions, but you might. But basically, I think that you have to try and make sure that you for your part discuss everything in a mature, reasoned, adult way, and that you stand your ground. I think that if you present yourself as sure, and in an adult manner, your parents are more likely to accept your judgement. But you have to be sure of your orientation yourself, as they may pick up on any uncertainties. But educate yourself on bisexuality - like how it's a valid orientation in itself - and think of ways of explaining it. If you think of a clear and coherent and easily-understandable way of explaining it beforehand then you're perhaps more likely to come across as clear and coherent. You could obviously always come out in a letter or in some other way - but this will always need to be backed up by conversation. It sounds as though your parents would be ok with you being gay (or at least once they got used to the idea), and it may be that they simply haven't met a bisexual person before - in which case you may be their education. But it sounds as though your parents will (hopefully) be understanding, and I do believe that even if they don't believe that bisexuality exists, then if you are firm with them, and keep reiterating the point (in an adult way) then eventually they will get the point. I hope this helps. (And also hello! )
I too am bisexual, and biphobia does definitely exist. Like other people have mentioned, it's hard for people to accept it because most see it as questioning/ lying to yourself. A lot of people believe that people use bisexuality as a stepping stone into homosexuality. There is also a misbelief that bi people are more promiscuous, and they want to screw everyone they see. ccdd mentioned a letter, and a letter is good in that you figure out how you want to explain things, not on the spot, and you can't be interuppted. if you think that having your voice heard would be a problem, this might be a good venue. i hope everything goes well when you do come out!!!
It sounds like your parents should take it okay, I guess it might help you seeing that your uncle is gay and they are ok with him. I hope it all goes well.
