I guess I've pretty much known that I am gay for quite some time but it's only just recently that I've come to terms with it and am now going through the coming out journey. Having grown up in a very homophobic family, it came as quite a shock when I had my first gay thoughts and fantasies - at the time I was very confused and thought it was a funny phase I was going through and would eventually grow out of so I was able to suppress these feelings and tried to live a heterosexual life. However, these thoughts, fantasies and urges came back stronger than before and I soon began to realize that I was same sex attracted and needed to find a way of dealing with it - I still couldn't accept that I was gay so I decided to identify as bisexual (in my mind) so that I could justify exploring and experimenting with my sexuality. After years of going through a rollercoaster of emotions, confusion, denial and self loathing, I finally realised that being gay is part of who I am (and there's nothing wrong with that) - it's been a big relief to finally be able to identify as being gay. Having come out to myself has been a massive step and now I'm slowly going through the coming out process and letting friends and family know (when I'm ready) - it's been a scary process and there's been mixed reactions so far with the few people I've told. For the time being I'm just enjoying experiencing what it means to be gay and being able to explore my new found sexuality. Looking back over my journey so far, I wish I was more confident in accepting that I am gay a lot sooner than I have because I feel like I've wasted a lot of years worrying about what others think and not living life the best I could. That being said, over time as my confidence builds I will be able to come out to more people and not have to worry about their reactions.
I would like to add my congratulations as well. My story is similar to yours except my family was not homophobic, but disfunctional at best. I have also felt the same as you in that if I had accepted being gay sooner in life I would have been happier and not wasted so much valueable time. I wish you well on your journey of exploring your new found sexuality and coming out process. Remember there are many of us in the same situation, you are not alone. And we all care.
Congratulations, Andy! I'm in a similar state, though you're a bit ahead of me as I've told no one yet. But recently admitting it to myself was huge and and feels like quite a relief. Thankfully, there's no homophobia in my family, and from what I know of my sisters' beliefs, I'm not anticipating any real problems there. All the best!
