My Coming Out Story (How I Told Everyone In 9 Days)

Ok so it's literally been a year since I came out now and I'm only just posting my story on here. I feel kinda bad because constantly reading this website helped me build up the courage to finally come out but heyy, better late than never right? It's definitely been a rollercoaster of a year (some good, some bad) but I'll take you from the start and try not to go on too much.

I always knew I liked guys (I didn't necessarily know it was 'gay' to like them) since a very young age. I remember 'liking' a boy in school when I was 7 or 8, all innocent of course. It wasn't until I was 19 that I realised I needed to finally tell people though. I don't know why I never thought about coming out before that, I just made sure I kept it hidden.

So I spent months and months trying to come out to my parents from probably about October 2012 to April 2013. I'd pop back home from university for stupid reasons just so I could try and tell my mum, who I thought would be the most accepting, that I was gay. No matter how hard I tried though, I couldn't build up the courage.

Anyway, I decided to text my best friend and ask when she'd be able to meet because I had to speak to her about something. She says she knew straight away what it was and when I went to her place on the 13th April 2013, I came out for the first time ever. She didn't ask me what the text was about for a few hours which I'm so glad about, I'd had a few drinks by then but still insisted on another drink before telling her. I came out eventually and we both cried; she was so happy that I'd finally told her. We chatted the rest of the night and even visited our favourite gay bar for a celebratory dance. The fact that I always used to go to gay bars and went to several pride events was probably a big clue that I was gay before I even came out.

The next day, I came out to two more close friends and then decided I needed to figure out how to tell my parents before coming out to anyone else. I went back home a few days later with a letter printed and prepared incase I couldn't tell them again in person. It turns out I chickened out face to face but I left the letter under my pillow and went to meet my mate in town because we were going to see P!nk in concert that night. I was staying at my university flat that night so I knew I'd have somewhere to stay if it all went wrong.

Before the concert, I came out to my friend that I was going with who was totally fine with it (like all of my friends to this day have been) and wrote a text to my mum. I told her I loved her and had left a letter under my pillow for my family to read. I said in the text that I was going to turn my phone off (which I did) for a few hours while I was at the concert and explained that it'd give her a few hours to think what to say because I knew it'd come as a shock. Half way through the concert, I decided to turn my phone on and read a text from my mum saying 'What did you expect us to say? We still love you!' I was absolutely over the moon that night but things really did go down hill from there...

The next day, my mum rang me up to talk about it. She was crying her eyes out and said all sorts of awful things like 'it's like having a disabled son' and 'you've lied your whole life, I don't know who you are'. She insinuated that just because I was gay, I'd be bringing guys home all the time and conversations like this went on for days and days. My mum told the news to my brother who was 'cool' about it and my dad who accepted it but was very uncomfortable with it. My other brother was at university in another city though and they were worried what he'd say so didn't tell him straight away. They told him a few days later and he was completely fine with it.

I thought my mum would take the news the best but it turns out she took it worst. I was pretty sure she'd dropped hints to me implying she already knew ('oooh, isn't he good looking') but when I told her that, she only got offended and said she hadn't.

After all of my close family knew, I thought it was time to tell my flatmates. I walked out of my room in tears with bloodshot eyes after a phone call with my mum and told them. They were all really supportive and then I went to meet my coursemates at a pub in town. We'd already organised a night out and it turns out all of our group expect one person (that's about 16 people) had turned up. This made me even more nervous telling such a big group but I still managed it and people even wanted to buy me pints. Like I said before, my friends were nothing but supportive and I can't thank them enough.

The next step was Facebook on the 21st February 2013. My parents didn't want me to put it on there and made me delete any other relatives before putting it up because my mum 'wasn't ready to talk about it' because of the shame. Selfish or what? Anyway, I deleted the relatives and put the status up because it was an easy way to tell everyone and I was fed up of hiding in the closet. The status got over 200 likes and tons of supportive message. I was overwhelmed and it still warms my heart reading it to this day.

That pretty much tells you how I came out in the period of 9 days but the past year has also been a process of coming to terms with being gay. At first, I felt so awkward talking about 'hot guys' with friends but I've grown in confidence so much and will say it to whoever wherever now. Hell, I even got a rather rude shot glass and Zayn Malik cardboard cutout for my 21st birthday because everyone knows I have such a bad crush on him.

In terms of dating, I've still been single all my life but I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere. I was so nervous about doing anything with anyone but have since, joined online dating and snogged many guys on nights out. These kisses haven't led into relationships but clubs probably aren't the best place to meet partners. I'm still saving myself for Mr Right and am definitely ready for a relationship when he comes along.

Unfortunately, the whole 'gay' thing isn't really a subject with my parents. They know I'm gay but refuse to talk about it and according to my brothers, don't believe that I actually am even though it's been nearly a year. Still, at least they treat me how they did before, it could be a lot worse. It'll definitely 'kick off' when I do get a boyfriend but I'm not going to let my parents stop me from being happy. My brothers will find it strange but accept it, I just don't think my parents will be fine about it even now.

All in all though, I don't regret coming out and would definitely encourage others to do it when they feel ready. I wasn't ever genuinely 100% happy in that closet and I can't imagine anyone else is so when you feel ready and have a good support base, just do it. I knew that I was going to have to do it one day so I just kept telling myself 'why wait?'

Sorry that this has been a massive essay but as you can imagine, lots have happened in the past year and I could probably actually write a whole book about it. Anyway, I'm off to listen to some P!nk (her songs will always remind me of the night I came out to my family now) but I hope some of you will be able to relate to this story. Even if it helps just one person, it'll be worth it. I know everyone else's stories helped me, big thanks to all of you and whoever created Empty Closets! :eusa_clap

 

Haha I know right? :lol: I literally always associate P!nk with coming out now because of the concert that night and the fact that I listened to 'Family Portrait' for weeks when I was arguing with my parents. Very fitting lyrics... 'Can we work it out? Can we be a family'? Thanks for the messages people!