no one knows - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out

Todd · 5th Aug 2008, 09:36 PM

im not even sure myself yet tho ...

but i know i realy would rather see boys naked than girls ...

i judt dont know how to tell anyone ...

SkyTears · 5th Aug 2008, 09:42 PM

Welcome

Don't be in a rush to label yourself as I don't believe there is a race and you win a big medal if you finish 1st. As for how to tell people that will come later on as you know more about your own sexuality. If you want to know how others come out there are many posts in the coming out section and you can read those to see how they went through with it.

Ben · 6th Aug 2008, 02:13 AM

Before you come out, you should accept your sexuality yourself.
And definately don't feel rushed, go at your own pace.

When you can say "I know I'm gay" or "I am definately bisexual", then you may want to start working out how to tell anyone who you want to know.

riddlerno1 · 6th Aug 2008, 05:58 AM

I was feeling the same as you where i didnt really know myself. I just knew that i fancied boys but didnt know how to label myself as i didnt particulary want to be gay. Its only been 2 weeks since ive come out to myself and am beginning the journey of accepting myself. Dont worry about giving yourself a label just yet, take it slowly and everything will become more clearer for u.

jony8472 · 6th Aug 2008, 06:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by riddlerno1

I was feeling the same as you where i didnt really know myself. I just knew that i fancied boys but didnt know how to label myself as i didnt particulary want to be gay. Its only been 2 weeks since ive come out to myself and am beginning the journey of accepting myself. Dont worry about giving yourself a label just yet, take it slowly and everything will become more clearer for u.

I felt exactly the same way. I think the best thing to do is to just keep on going, eventually there'll be something (or someone) who'll make everything clear=)

-Michael- · 6th Aug 2008, 06:18 AM

First off welsome to EC.
It's a wicked place and will definately help you.

As before said.
Don't be in a rush to label yourself.
Don't feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to.
You've got all time you could want.

Orcas · 6th Aug 2008, 12:17 PM

Hi there! As the previous members have said, there is no rush in labeling yourself. Take your time in figuring your feelings out. With time things will become clearer.

Do explore all the feelings that you are experiencing. Exploring all the feelings that you have will allow you to become more comfortable and securer about the feelings that you have. Sexual identities are fluid. It is possible for you to have different feelings at the same time or within a very short period of time. Follow what feels right for you. If you allow yourself the time to explore all the feelings that you have, you will eventually be able to accept yourself, which is the major first step in your coming out journey.

Once you have accepted yourself, then start thinking about coming out to others. At this time, you will also have a better feeling for what to say and how to say it. Often the first person to whom we come out to is a close friend because we know we can trust him/her and know he/she will be supportive and accepting. But do take your time.

As you go through the first step of accepting yourself, what might help (in addition to talking to fellow EC members), is trying to talk to a counselor, perhaps at school, who might be able to help you as well. Often when we talk about our feelings out loud, it helps us to understand and make sens of them better. We discover things that we haven't thought about before. Sometimes it is a little thing that we haven't thought about that helps us to take one step closer to accepting ourselves.

Please have a look at the sticky threads at the top of the Support and Advice forum. There you will find quite a bit of information on the stages of coming out. It could help you as well in trying to figure things out and finding some answers that you might have at this stage.

If you ever need to talk or if there is something you want to talk about in private, please feel free to pm me or any of the other EC advisors (biisme, biloved86, Lexington, MeskElil). You can do that by clicking on our user names and selecting 'send private message.'

I hope this helps!

Wander · 6th Aug 2008, 05:20 PM

As everyone else has said, take your time. If you try to come out now, you may realize later down the road that you weren't entirely correct. You're still relatively young, just give yourself some time. Don't try telling other people or labeling yourself until you're absolutely certain of and comfortable with who you are. Once you've figured it out for yourself, then you'll be ready to tell other people.

silentsound · 6th Aug 2008, 09:19 PM

Don't stress about it, that will just make it worse. It takes time and patience. Don't try to label yourself too fast, just be open to everything and eventually it will start to fall into place. You seem concerned that no one knows. If you really feel the need to talk to someone about this then try to find someone who you really trust who will listen to you. If you're not burning to let it out, remember that there is nothing wrong with being in the closet for a little while. You don't have some great epiphany that solves all of your problems when you come out, you still have the same set of challenges with identifying yourself as you always did. That being said, it can help to have someone to shoulder some of the weight of finding your sexual identity, so a good person to talk to is always a nice resource to have. If you can't find someone to talk to in real life, then come around to EC, we're awful friendly and almost everyone on here has been exactly where you are in your head right now and they can help shed some light in a dark place. Hope this made sense, I am pretty tired. Best of luck =)

Todd · 8th Aug 2008, 07:24 AM

thanx for all the suport ...

ElizabethAnne · 8th Aug 2008, 07:30 AM

I still haven't really figured out my own sexual identity. It's something I've been thinking about for a few months, and as everyone here is saying, don't rush it! Just take time to evaluate your feelings. I never thought that I would be questioning this part of myself, but as I do, I feel a lot more in touch with myself. I would say that the most important thing is to get support from people in a non-homophobic setting, like EC, where people will be okay with whatever you find out. I don't know if you do, but I have a couple of good friends who I knew wouldn't freak out when I told them, and I discussed my questioning with them, and that helps a lot.

5th Aug 2008, 09:36 PM	#1
Todd bored Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Not sure (still trying to figure it out) Out Status: Not out at all Location: springfield illinois Age: 18 Posts: 12 Join Date: Jul 2008	no one knows im not even sure myself yet tho ... but i know i realy would rather see boys naked than girls ... i judt dont know how to tell anyone ... __________________ anyone wanna mess around ???

5th Aug 2008, 09:42 PM	#2
SkyTears Head Thinking; Heart Bleeding Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Renton, WA Age: 23 Posts: 531 Join Date: Dec 2006	Re: no one knows Welcome Don't be in a rush to label yourself as I don't believe there is a race and you win a big medal if you finish 1st. As for how to tell people that will come later on as you know more about your own sexuality. If you want to know how others come out there are many posts in the coming out section and you can read those to see how they went through with it. __________________ "Time carries us away from all the places we have come to love; just wishing we could stay. But maybe that's not the point. What makes this all so god damn beautiful is knowing that its bound to fade in time." The Rain-FOREVERINMOTION

6th Aug 2008, 02:13 AM	#3
Ben Little Edie #2 Full Member Age: 21 Posts: 4,154 Join Date: Jul 2008 Tournaments Won: 1	Re: no one knows Before you come out, you should accept your sexuality yourself. And definately don't feel rushed, go at your own pace. When you can say "I know I'm gay" or "I am definately bisexual", then you may want to start working out how to tell anyone who you want to know.

6th Aug 2008, 05:58 AM	#4
riddlerno1 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but family Location: London Age: 30 Posts: 712 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: no one knows I was feeling the same as you where i didnt really know myself. I just knew that i fancied boys but didnt know how to label myself as i didnt particulary want to be gay. Its only been 2 weeks since ive come out to myself and am beginning the journey of accepting myself. Dont worry about giving yourself a label just yet, take it slowly and everything will become more clearer for u.

6th Aug 2008, 06:18 AM	#6
-Michael- Been gone a while. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: DragonPhoenixLightningAwesome Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Middlesbrough, North-east England Age: 21 Posts: 2,298 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: no one knows First off welsome to EC. It's a wicked place and will definately help you. As before said. Don't be in a rush to label yourself. Don't feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to. You've got all time you could want.

6th Aug 2008, 12:17 PM	#7
Orcas EC Board Member Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out and about Location: BC, Canada Age: 36 Posts: 11,824 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: no one knows Hi there! As the previous members have said, there is no rush in labeling yourself. Take your time in figuring your feelings out. With time things will become clearer. Do explore all the feelings that you are experiencing. Exploring all the feelings that you have will allow you to become more comfortable and securer about the feelings that you have. Sexual identities are fluid. It is possible for you to have different feelings at the same time or within a very short period of time. Follow what feels right for you. If you allow yourself the time to explore all the feelings that you have, you will eventually be able to accept yourself, which is the major first step in your coming out journey. Once you have accepted yourself, then start thinking about coming out to others. At this time, you will also have a better feeling for what to say and how to say it. Often the first person to whom we come out to is a close friend because we know we can trust him/her and know he/she will be supportive and accepting. But do take your time. As you go through the first step of accepting yourself, what might help (in addition to talking to fellow EC members), is trying to talk to a counselor, perhaps at school, who might be able to help you as well. Often when we talk about our feelings out loud, it helps us to understand and make sens of them better. We discover things that we haven't thought about before. Sometimes it is a little thing that we haven't thought about that helps us to take one step closer to accepting ourselves. Please have a look at the sticky threads at the top of the Support and Advice forum. There you will find quite a bit of information on the stages of coming out. It could help you as well in trying to figure things out and finding some answers that you might have at this stage. If you ever need to talk or if there is something you want to talk about in private, please feel free to pm me or any of the other EC advisors (biisme, biloved86, Lexington, MeskElil). You can do that by clicking on our user names and selecting 'send private message.' I hope this helps! __________________ ~ Somewhere within us all there is a secret garden. A garden in which we can seek refuge when times are rough or retire to in joy or contemplation ~

6th Aug 2008, 05:20 PM	#8
Wander Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Parents, aunts, grandma, counselor, online friends Location: Central Alabama Age: 20 Posts: 2,360 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: no one knows As everyone else has said, take your time. If you try to come out now, you may realize later down the road that you weren't entirely correct. You're still relatively young, just give yourself some time. Don't try telling other people or labeling yourself until you're absolutely certain of and comfortable with who you are. Once you've figured it out for yourself, then you'll be ready to tell other people.

6th Aug 2008, 09:19 PM	#9
silentsound Flaming Thespian Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Age: 19 Posts: 2,253 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: no one knows Don't stress about it, that will just make it worse. It takes time and patience. Don't try to label yourself too fast, just be open to everything and eventually it will start to fall into place. You seem concerned that no one knows. If you really feel the need to talk to someone about this then try to find someone who you really trust who will listen to you. If you're not burning to let it out, remember that there is nothing wrong with being in the closet for a little while. You don't have some great epiphany that solves all of your problems when you come out, you still have the same set of challenges with identifying yourself as you always did. That being said, it can help to have someone to shoulder some of the weight of finding your sexual identity, so a good person to talk to is always a nice resource to have. If you can't find someone to talk to in real life, then come around to EC, we're awful friendly and almost everyone on here has been exactly where you are in your head right now and they can help shed some light in a dark place. Hope this made sense, I am pretty tired. Best of luck =)

8th Aug 2008, 07:24 AM	#10
Todd bored Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Not sure (still trying to figure it out) Out Status: Not out at all Location: springfield illinois Age: 18 Posts: 12 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: no one knows thanx for all the suport ... __________________ anyone wanna mess around ???

8th Aug 2008, 07:30 AM	#11
ElizabethAnne On the fritzz Full Member Gender: Comme ci comme ca. Orientation: Hey ladiez :) Out Status: Everyone except grandma (shh) Location: Ottawa, Canada Age: 28 Posts: 238 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: no one knows I still haven't really figured out my own sexual identity. It's something I've been thinking about for a few months, and as everyone here is saying, don't rush it! Just take time to evaluate your feelings. I never thought that I would be questioning this part of myself, but as I do, I feel a lot more in touch with myself. I would say that the most important thing is to get support from people in a non-homophobic setting, like EC, where people will be okay with whatever you find out. I don't know if you do, but I have a couple of good friends who I knew wouldn't freak out when I told them, and I discussed my questioning with them, and that helps a lot. __________________ Love the truth. Keep it your friend. The truth is a terrible enemy to have, because it never gives up trying to get out.