k well last night i told 1 of my friends and now i am regretting it cuz she is using it against me :tantrum: but today i just told the girl that i hae a crush on that i am bi and she it kewl wit it but she keeps on sking who i like i don't know i i should tell her cuz she is my best friends and she might think that i am a pervert then i will never c her agian and i am haveing problems wit my mom i don't know if i should tell her it just seems that it not that important and i can never tell my dad cuz he is a jw and they shun people like that even if its there own family but i don't really care about him its my mom btw if u guys are wondering they don't live wit each other so she wont tell him
Well first of all sorry about the friend you told that used it against you and congrats on telling your friend that you have a crush on that must have made it twice as hard. Now about telling her that you like her I would say give her some time to get used to the idea that you're bi because even though she says she fine with it it can still come as a shock and the fact that you like her on top of that might be too much. Then later if you still feel the way you feel and if you still want to tell her then go for it but be straight up about it, if she is a really good mate then things should ok even if she doesn't like you back. Now your mum and dad. I don't see the point in telling your dad just yet especially since you are not to concerned about him not knowing and the fact that he won't take it too well. Your mum however I'm not so sure about if if doesn't seem that important to you yet then I think I would leave it until you are sure you want to tell her and you think the timing is right. Not sure if this will help but good luck anyway!
Hi there and welcome to EC! I am sorry to hear that this happened to you. Try talking to your friend, and let her know that you wish that she would be more supportive of you and that she should not use something very personal that you have told her against you. This is just not what friends do. If she continues to use your coming out against you maybe (and as hard as it might be) you might need to reevaluate your friendship with her. This is the time when you need the support from your friends. This is the time, when you need to know that you can rely on them and that they will be there for you. If your friend can't be there for you and support you, maybe try to distance yourself a little bit from her. But do talk to her and let her know that this is very important to you. Coming out to your friend on whom you have a crush on is certainly another major step and you should be proud of what you have accomplished in such a short period of time. That said, try maybe not to tell her that you have a crush on her at this stage. It sounds like that you are not sure how she might react or what she might say. I would take it really slow. As hard as it might be, often crushes are just crushes and with time we 'grow' out of them. See if your feelings for her stay or develop further. I think it might be worthwhile not to say anything for now. The other important thing to consider is the sexual orientation of your friend. It is always best to assume that she is straight. Try to distract yourself whenever you have thoughts about her. Do the things that you like to keep your mind focusing on something else. If she does ask you about crushes (which is a curiosity that many have when we come out to them), or who you find cute, or see yourself with, you could just say that "I am not ready for it and haven't given much thought to it." I think it is important that you do take it slow. Before coming out to your parents, it is good to have a support network in place, which can consist of a number of people including friends, teachers, counselors, and EC on which you can rely on for support and comfort. The support network will help you to build up the confidence in coming out to your parents. I think you have taken the right approach in trying to come out to your friends first before taking the next step. Coming out to our parents is perhaps the most difficult thing to do. Take your time. Don't rush it. Given that you are considering to tell your mom, it does seem important to you that she knows. If you have some problems with your mom though at the moment, if you can try to solve the problems with your mom first before coming out to her. Try to avoid coming out during an argument or when everyone is angry. You want to make sure that she understands that this is something really important to you and that you are not just saying it to anger her. If you can, please do wait until you have resolved the problem with your mom. When it comes to your dad, do take your time. Should you decide to come out to him as well, have some PFLAG material ready. Often, education can lead to a much better understanding of homosexuality. It does happen that even parents who have shown homophobic tendencies, do come around and accept their child's sexual orientation. But again, if you don't feel comfortable with him knowing about it, you don't have to tell him (certainly not at this stage). Maybe in the future, when you have become more comfortable with yourself and have come out to more people and built your support network it might be something to consider. As with everything in life, do take your time. There is no rush. Go according to the pace that you feel comfortable with. If something does not feel right, don't go for it. When you do decide to come out to your mom, maybe have some PFLAG material ready for her. You can download the information for parents on any or most PFLAG websites. Also, please feel free to contact Becky. She will also be able to send you some material when the time comes. I hope this helps a bit.
