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I did it...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by creole, Aug 10, 2008.

  1. creole

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    Finally came out to my wife last night. Never cried so hard in all my life. As did she. :frowning2:
     
  2. Ronnie92

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    Good for you Creole I hope that this is just the start of your new journey. Remember that you are never alone you have the backing of all of empty closets.
     
  3. yahooooo

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    Hey well done. That must have taken a lot of courage and I hope it wasn't too hard for both of you. Good luck with everything.
    (*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  4. Eponine

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    I'm sure it was hard for you, but just remember that you have support here at EC.
     
  5. Absentminded

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    I'm sure it was hard, but I'm SO glad that you did it! You definitely have the support of EC!
     
  6. Davo

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    Well done for being so courageous.
     
  7. ccdd

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    Well done for having the courage to come out to her (*hug*).

    Thinking of you and hoping all manages to go ok (*hug*)(*hug*).
     
  8. silentsound

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    well done, that took amazing bravery (and I thought my coming out was difficult...)

    you have a long road ahead, but you should be very proud you had the courage to take the first step. I wish you and your wife all the best, and I hope you have set out on a road to happiness. Remember that EC will always be here when you need help.
     
  9. Sam

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    Thats great I'm proud of you! I know it must of taken a lot of guts to come out to her. Good luck with everything!

    Sam
     
  10. panda

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    Very Brave .:thumbsup:
     
  11. s5m1

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    Creole, I know you are going through a lot right now and things are hard for you. That was a very brave thing to do and an important step forward. Please know that you will get through this. I am in my early 40's, was married, and I have kids. I have only recently emerged on the other side after fully accepting I am gay. I am now living a life true to who I am and am happier than I have ever been. You will get there too. I strongly urge you to see a psychologist to help you work through this period. It was hard for me to do, but it was one of the best decisions I made in my life.

    When you have some time, please read some of my prior threads and posts. I think you have also been in touch with Jim. We are here to help you in any way you need. Just let us know. Also, when you feel up to it, please let us know how you are doing.
     
  12. creole

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    Thanks for all of the responses. It was an extremely emotional night. I hate the fact that I've hurt my wife so much. Unsure what my future holds. Right now, I'm just very tired and confused.
     
  13. Mirko

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    Hi. You have done a brave thing and it was a major step to take. I can only imagine the emotions and feelings that you and your wife are going through right now. With time, things will get better. It might take a while for your wife to come around to it, and to accept it. It is the case though that wives do accept it and become very supportive and even best friends. If possible, try talking to your wife as much as you can.

    As s5m1 suggested, do try seeing a psychologist. I think it is important that you talk to someone about your feelings and what you are going through. It can only help you. Take it one day at a time.

    With time, things will become clearer and will make sense again. You will get through this.
     
    #13 Mirko, Aug 10, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2008
  14. BitterEdge

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    congrats...I'm sure it was an extremely hard position for you, but as they say know you can live a very open life to which your family will learn to accept over time (especially if you have children, which you do if memory serves me right)...let us know how things are going and remember we are here for you.
     
  15. Jim1454

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    I'm glad you took this step. Being honest with your wife and with yourself will only make your relationship better. There was a wedge between the two of you, but only you knew exactly what it was. She was in the dark, but was aware of something being wrong. Now she knows, and can start to deal with what is known, rather than wondering and worrying about the unknown.

    And as you know - I've 'been there, done that' so feel free to keep saying hi and chatting about this as it evolves. We're all rooting for you - and for your wife. This is going to be very difficult on her as well.
     
  16. creole

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    Another deep discussion tonight. I'm beginning to question how I could have hurt someone I love so much. Is it really worth it? What am I going to gain from this? I am so confused right now.
     
  17. s5m1

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    I don’t think you chose to hurt your wife. You were born gay. You did not choose to be gay, and you did nothing to cause yourself to become gay. As much as you might want to think you had another option besides coming out to her, the reality is you would have always felt who you are inside. If you are like many of us who lived a life that was inconsistent with who we were, you would have become deeply depressed, and your marriage would have ultimately failed or been extremely unhappy. That would have been a choice of yours and far more unfair to your wife than being honest now.

    I understand that what you are going through now may feel like the end of the world. That is perfectly normal and many of us have felt the same thing. Hang in there. Eventually, you will feel better. This is not an easy process for any of us, but you will get there. Just take it one day at a time. If that seems like too much, take it hour by hour. Don’t try to focus on solving everything right now, because you can’t.

    In the end, what you will gain is a happy life where you can experience a deeper love than you have otherwise known. You can gain a life where you can be who you really are, not someone who you think society wants you to be. This is your only life to live. It is not your wife’s life or your child’s life or anyone else’s. You can choose to lead a life in which you will ultimately be happy (which I think is what will happen if you are honest about who you are, or you can live a life for the sake of others in which you will be unhappy. As far as we know, there are no do-overs; we only get one life. Enjoy it.

    Finally, as for your child, kids know when their parents are unhappy. You will be a much better parent if you accept who you are and live a happy life.

    Please know that we are here for you and wishing you all the best.
     
  18. Mirko

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    Hi there. You will get through this. There is going to be a day when you are going to look back and say to yourself that "I came through it." I think it is good that you are talking and that you are having deep discussions with your wife. Both of you need to have these discussions.

    As s5m1 mentioned, being gay is not a choice. We don't choose to be gay. It is a natural part of us. However, what we do choose is how we want to live our lives. Do we want to be honest with our family and with ourselves, or do we hide our true self. You have chosen to be your true self for a reason. Maybe you wanted to stop the hiding, maybe you wanted to be honest to yourself and with your wife. Maybe you wanted to be fair to her and to yourself. It is difficult, but you will get through this and once you have crossed that bridge you will have a happier life. You will feel truly yourself.

    There are a lot of things that you need to work out, talk about. Please do take it one day at a time. As s5m1 mentioned, try not to look at everything at once. Things will work out. It will take time, and it is important that you allow yourself that time (however long it takes) to work things through. Please, do try seeing a psychologist as well. It can only help. Never leave any feelings or thoughts inside of you. Let them out. Talking about our feelings and thoughts and listening to ourselves can help us to understand things better and make sense of them.
     
    #18 Mirko, Aug 11, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2008
  19. GlindaRose

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    (*hug*)

    Congratz on coming out to your wife. You're very brave. :slight_smile:

    It'll get easier with time.
     
  20. creole

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    Things are not going well for my wife, understandably so. She wants to be there for me and she wants to be able to let me go because she knows that's the right thing to do, but at this point in time, she just can't let herself do that. I'm really feeling for her because she now is feeling sad and alone the way I was before I told her. I hate to think that anyone would have to go through that, let alone someone I care deeply for. I'm her best friend...her only confidant and she's got no one else to talk to or confide in about this. I suggested she join me to see my therapist, but she didn't feel comfortable doing that. I'm still questioning whether my happiness is worth causing someone else so much pain. I'm really questioning whether it's worth coming out if I'm causing someone I love so much hurt. My happiness at the sacrifice of someone else's seems pretty selfish to me. Thanks for all of the 'bravery' comments, but right now I'm feeling more selfish than brave.