Well, I mentioned this in another thread (I think I was kind of freaking out at the time... but anyway) After I came out I suddenly was thrown into this state of panic and questioning and "what if I'm not gay after all and now I can't change my mind?!?!" And I noticed that others could commiserate with that. So I am curious, did you go through that period? Or were you just so relieved/insert other emotion here to question again for no real reason?
I had that feeling when i wrote the letter and with every step towards them. Really heavy feet that day but i dont regret it.
For me, the questioning came before I was out to myself. I thought it might just be a phase, something I would grow out of. As the months passed and nothing happened, I hoped maybe I could just pray a lot or read more about girls and change myself. At one point, I actually tried forcing myself into asexuality, having no sexual feelings at all. When that didn't work, I finally stopped trying to fool myself. I accepted who I was, and at that point, all the confusion and self-doubt ended.
I guess thats one of the reasons i am not coming out. Although i know im gay, there is still a part of me which is questioning that as something im just feeling and possibly i may like girls later on. Its just very difficult believing that this is the way i will feel and the possibility that i may neber change my mind.
Sometimes i think "what if im Bi!?!" But then i relise it doesnt matter. I'll like who i like, no matter what ive told people.
I SOOO went through this after I told people I was bisexual.... "omg... what if I'm really straight?" "wait... what if I'm really a lesbian?" but then I realized I was a dude! So, I'm guessing that was sorta not what you were talking about.... but sorta were. But in my case, after I was like "hey... I'm a guy" then all was clear to me...
Oh yes, right after I came out to my aunt, I went through a day of questioning myself. Also went through a long time of assuming I was asexual, because I couldn't see myself as gay. That's probably a big reason why I haven't come out to my parents or anyone else yet. I'll wait until I'm more confident with myself.
I question it every day. Then I remind myself that I'm attracted to girls, and guys. I dunno, sometimes it just feels weird being attracted to either guys or girls. It can get confusing for me at times. ERRGH! Know that you're not alone.
I actually never went through any questioning at all, when I realized I was just like "Oh I'm Gay", and when I told everyone it was just a relief because I didn't have to hide it anymore.
I think mostly everyone goes through the"should I or shouldn't I " have come out. The closet is safe,it's the stepping out into the light that's scary. You are NOT alone. A place like EC is excellent for those who are out and for those that are questioning. Give yourself some time to adjust. You've been through a lot.Don't berate yourself. If you really are not sure of your orientation,it's ok. Look around in here...there are plenty of people like you.(*hug*)
My coming out to myself was kinda spurred by one of my friends most of the time I was thinking "I'm not gay, I don't think I am, but if I am that's cool too" which progressed to "I'm gay, am I sure? yes" Now that I've come out to a bunch of my friends and stuff what I'm thinking is more along the lines of "wow she's amazing (after seeing the girl I have a crush on), do I really like her, or is that just because of said friend, I must, she is really amazing, arggg" But now, instead of labeling (I know labels are not all-important, but that said...) myself as gay, I think more along the lines ofhomoflexible which stopped all those post coming out questions.
