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Horrible outcome

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Dell, Jun 27, 2014.

  1. Dell

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
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    Out to everyone
    I was scared to come out to my mother as trans and I was right to be. When she found out about it yesterday she didn't say a word to me, she only locked herself up in her room.
    When she finally came to talk to me about it just an hour ago she was upset and a little angry with me. She asked questions and I couldn't even form words because I knew she would just view me as an idiot, she kept telling me I was confused and that I would be living a life of sin and the words "I will never approve of this" were said by her. I'm feeling sick even now as I type this. I hate my self even more than I did before. She is blaming herself because there is 'something wrong' with me. I don't even know what to think anymore. I just want to get as far away as possible, but i'm stuck here. I just don't know what to do... :tears:
     
  2. Nychthemeron

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    Please don't hate yourself for something you can't control.

    Your mother's approval is probably very important to you, and I understand that. However, know that your mother doesn't dictate your life. You do.

    My mother doesn't approve of me, either, and she blames herself because there's "something wrong" with me too. It hurts, I know. But eventually my mother will eventually have to get over it. And so will yours.

    Remember. She has another daughter. She may still view her as a son now, but the truth is undeniable. You can't change yourself, so don't feel guilty, don't blame yourself, and don't hate yourself.

    (*hug*)
     
  3. AKTodd

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    I'm so sorry you're going through this (*hug*)

    It's unfortunate that your mom is not taking things well right now. But you are not at fault here and there is NOTHING wrong with you.

    In time your mother may come around - but even if she does not, you shouldn't blame yourself for that. You need to be true to yourself and NO ONE has the right to expect or attempt to force you to be otherwise.

    Take care,

    Todd
     
  4. Dell

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    Location:
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    Out to everyone
    You know, you're right. She kept saying that I am confused and this would be a choice. She was wrong and right, I know i'm not confused but this is a choice. A choice to make myself happy and live how I want. I'm not going to let this bring me down, no matter how hard it is. I just hope she will get over it and realize this isn't a bad thing and hopefully help me as i go through this. Thank you very much Nychthemeron and you too AKTodd :slight_smile: I'm probably going to meditate some more on this and see if that helps.

    ---------- Post added 27th Jun 2014 at 08:13 PM ----------

    Truthfully I don't know where I would be if not for this website and everyone on it. Its the only reason i'm going to try and stay positive through it all. Thank you thank you ^u^
     
  5. Nychthemeron

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    That's the spirit! You can get through this.

    And remember that we (as in the EC community) are still here to talk if you ever need to. (*hug*)

    Best of luck, Dell.

    EDIT: I feel the same way about this site. You can see I only joined this month, but the community has been VERY warm, accepting, and helpful. I don't see any sign of it discontinuing soon.
     
  6. BethLauren

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    I can't really add much to what's been said, but I'll just say that I'm very sorry that you're experiencing this. We're here for you, and you'll get through this.

    (&&&)
     
  7. Dell

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    Out to everyone
    Well for another turn for the worst, she came in once again and asked me some questions like what exactly I wanted to do and I told her I wanted to transition physically and socially. She got got more upset than she did before and told me that she hoped she died before she saw me transition...
     
  8. AKTodd

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    I expect there is going to be a period of time where she will be going thru a period of grief, anger, loss, etc. I'm not up on the stages of loss but others here are and someone will post it soon, I'm sure. Or you can find them online. In this case the loss is her perception of your gender.

    What I do remember is that some stages are grief, anger, bargaining, acceptance, etc. People go thru them at different rates, so this could take a while I'm afraid.

    I would suggest contacting a counselor or therapist who can support you and help you work thru this difficult period. They should be someone with experience working with trans people and issues or at least be LGBT friendly. You might also look for any support groups or centers in your area, possibly including LGBT friendly church denomination if you are religious or religious issues are playing a role in your situation. And of course EC is here for you.

    Hope this helps,

    Todd
     
  9. lovely lesbian

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    Im so sorry your going through this