Always told by my christian family that liking someone of the same sex was wrong. That if I ever did they I would be thrown out of the family like my cousin Tommy had been. Sure I thought "Me? being gay? HA! funny!" at first. I had a boyfriend and I "loved" him. I was happy being straight...or was I? That was when my bestfriend came out to be gay. I didn`t think any of it. I loved Andrew with all my heart. He was always there for me so I accepted him for what he was. Happy he found someone that made him smile. Still denying me ever being gay or kissing any girl. Then Andrew brought his friennd Mary over to hang out. We became better friends then me and Andrew in no time. Her spending the night at my house, me at hers. Couldn`t find one without the other or talk about one without talking about the other. By this time my parents had been divorced for a bit and I went back and forth to my mother`s and living at my father`s. Mary joined me one time to go over to my mother`s house. Where we exploded the huge house and found the pool house had a FULL living area. Getting her to come over to the walk in closet was easy. As I pushed her in and closed the door I announced " Mary is coming out of the closet!" in a joking way. That is when she opens the door and raised a brow saying "I have been out for a year now Kat..." Sure I was a bit shocked at first. Avioding her for a week. Lost in thoughts about all the things. Us sharing my big bed, her wrapping her arms around one of mine, tackling me and what not. I shivered at the thought at first but I came to realize I had always liked Mary. Since we met. Not in the way a best friend should but more. It scared me so that I hid it from everyone even Mary, but she could tell. She told me that it would be ok. That she would help me through it. Which she did. Becoming proud of myself I became more out with the world. Yet still hid it from my family. The fear that I would be hated was still there. Till the faithful day. Mary had to move away and dad found out I wasn`t straight. Not going to church, Hanging out with gay friends. He knew I was changing and it was the start of his fears. That was when not just my dad found out...but my whole family came to realize what I was. Harsh words thrown at me, family members not allowing me to be around my younger cousins. I was cut off mostly from my father`s side of the family. I turned to my brother for help. Who only told me that he would accept the way I was but nothing else. Since my brother had a different father. I didn`t really have to deal with my father`s family, but Julie and them from my brother`s side accepted me. So did my mother`s side. Slowly my father began to deal with me being a homosexual. Knowing he couldn`t change anything. He learned to some what accept me....
thanks...I`m hoping that because what gets to me most is when my dad says "dirty dyke" and I don`t know if he is playing or really meaning it.
