1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Coming out to my straight friend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by adamwiles, Jul 21, 2014.

  1. adamwiles

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2013
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    São Paulo, Brazil
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hi guys! Just wanted to share how coming out was for me.

    I kept wondering whether or not to tell people about being gay for about one year. When I finally decided I had to tell at least one person in my life, I chose this friend.
    In the city where I live, in the countryside of São Paulo (Brazil), people are not really used to the idea of two guys or two girls being together, and also he was straight, so I was normally terrified about telling him, even though he was one of my best friends and really open minded.
    I didn't know how or when to say it, but I had to start somewhere. One day, in the middle of a normal conversation, I said:
    - Oh, I have to tell you something. - as if it was just an usual thing I had forgotten to tell.
    - Ok, what is it?
    - I can't say it now, but just remind me that.
    It might sound ridiculous, but since I couldn't simply tell him, I chose to tell him under his pressure. For the next two months, I would often tell him to remind me again.
    - You need to tell me that thing, I'm curious about it! - He said.
    - I will, I promise.
    Until I had the perfect opportunity, a party. We had a few drinks, he came to me and said:
    - Are you ever gonna tell me?
    - Yes.
    - So why not now?
    - Because it's not simple, I don't know how you would react.
    - Is it bad?
    - Depends on how you see it.
    - Does it have anything to do with me?
    - Not really, but you might even be angry about it, I don't know.
    - Why would I be angry about it? We're friends, dude!
    - Because I know it for some time and I haven't told anyone. Including you.
    - Since when do you know it?
    - Since sixth grade. - That would be about 6 years
    - Wow, that's quite a long time.
    - I know. Are you sure you don't know what it is?
    - I don't, I swear!
    - Ok.
    He must have noticed I wasn't really happy about it.
    - Hey, are you ok? I'm starting to worry about you.
    - I don't know.
    - If you don't want to tell me now, that's fine, but just know I'm here.
    - Ok, thank you.
    I thought I was going to cry and I didn't want anybody to see, so I ran into the bathroom. I didn't cry, but I thought about what to do for the rest of the party. So I drank a little more (how smart...) and went home. And made my decision. I coudn't wait any longer. I stepped into my bedroom, closed the door and called him. Obviously, he knew why:
    - Ok, say it.
    - Hm... I can't!
    - Come on, just do it! Or you're never going to.
    After a few seconds of silence:
    - I'm gay.
    - Oh, you scared me to death!
    - What?
    - For all the things you said, I thought it was some kind of disease! I'm so relieved it's not.
    That was probably the best thing someone said to me in my entire life.
    - It's ok - He said -. I mean, it's you're orientation, we can't change it. That is never going to interfere in our friendship, our jokes are not gonna end, and if you ever have anything you want to share about it, anything, just tell me.
    - Thank you so much.
    Even for a few minutes before I fell asleep, I was the happiest and most satisfied person on earth.

    That's about it. :slight_smile:
    Sorry about any grammar mistake or anything misspelled.
    For those of you who are still struggling with coming out and don't know what to do or where to start, one option would be to start with a good friend. It's just one person, and it probably doesn't sound like a big step, but it is. Things tend to get easier after that. Please keep in mind that being gay is NOT a bad thing, but let's be realistic, some people just don't think like that. This sucks, I know, but keep that in mind.
    If I could mention two things that helped and encouraged me through this, they would be this forum (and all the stories in it), and Tyler Oakley.
    One more thing. Don't let people put you down for who you are. You shoudn't be intimidated by them. If there's a god, he loves everyone, and that includes you.
     
  2. The Dude

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2013
    Messages:
    289
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    This is awesome...and it'll get easier every time. Congrats!
     
  3. SwimScotty

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2014
    Messages:
    347
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Central Ohio
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Reading this story made me happy. I'm so glad that people are able to post positive coming-out stories on here just to show that it doesn't always have to have a bad ending. Reading them makes me happy. I'm so glad that this friend was there for you and will continue to be. It makes a tremendous difference to have someone supportive who you can talk to.
     
  4. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's fantastic that you took the plunge as it were, and came out to your friend. Well done. I can imagine that you were happy and relieved for the rest of the day/evening and perhaps even the next day. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Jguy365

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2014
    Messages:
    161
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Fort Wayne, Indiana
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I have told 5 friends so far about me being bisexual. Only one of them was a guy...and he was totally shocked. I mean, he said that he was thankful that I shared something so personal with him and to have a good night...but the wind was definitely out of his sails.

    Before I told him, I said that I was going through a personal struggle that was pretty big. I told him that I wanted to say it but couldn't because I was afraid of what he would think. Hg said there was nothing I could say that would shake him...and it did. He gave me a hug but it was awkward and weak...which was weird after always getting epic man hugs from him. I feel like I've scared him away, and if I tell any of my other guy friends, I will lose them. It's tough, but it will pass. I know it will. Stories like yours give me hope, and I am grateful for that.
     
  6. whatshisname

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2014
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sao Paulo, Brazil
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    It's great when you have supportive friends. I've been through a very similar situation with my best friend. I'm also from countryside Sao Paulo and came out to him just a few days ago after some delaying on my part. I think it was a good experience as well.
     
  7. Oracor

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2016
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    It is nice when people accept you right away. He must have been a good friend.

    It usually takes a while after you come out to find out who your real friends are. Some will seem fine about it but then you don't hear from them again.