Why you didn't think you were gay/bi etc at first

I didn't know I was bisexual because I didn't know I was trans, which opened me up to my true sexuality.

 

didnt know anyone or have role models at the time, plus stigma

 

I began questioning my sexuality around 17, 18 ish. But being bisexual and still attracted to men, I guess I kind of started ignored and dated men. But here I am at 26 and constantly thinking about my sexuality, I guess you can only run away from your feelings for so long before they catch up to you. And now being in a relationship for 3.5 years and talking about marriage I guess I don't want to settle down and have "forever" with someone until I truly explore my self and my sexuality.

 

I was bullied in School and labeled gay even though I didn't know I was. Recently, I was accused of hating gay people because I'm a Christian. That triggered an entire replay of my entire past. All the evidence from my past played in my mind like a home movie, and just like that, I realized I was bisexual.

I felt awkward at first, after coming out, in fact I wasn't sure if what I did was the right thing to do because of my past, but as the days go by, I am more and more comfortable with it. I fight it less, and accept it more.

 

I'm not very visual. I just don't pull in visual data and process it the way other people do. So while I hadn't really seen a girl that really "did it for me", I assumed it was because I just hadn't found the right one yet. I figured I'd meet one and click with her based more on her personality. And this was more than just rationalization - even after realizing I was gay and coming out, I'm still never gobsmacked by an attractive man, either. Every guy I've ended up become interested in (and going to bed with) started at the personality level, not the physical one. Given that, I guess it's no surprise I assumed I was straight.

Lex

 

I saw men, I liked the way they looked, and I became physically aroused when I saw them...but I just didn't realize I was experiencing sexual attraction. Throughout my childhood, everyone told me I would eventually find myself attracted to women, so I was waiting and expecting to feel something for women, not men. So when I started feeling something for men...it just never occurred to me that I was experiencing those feelings everyone told me I would develop for women, except I was experiencing them for men instead of women. And because of that I just wasn't able to put two and two together and realize I was gay.

 

100% of why I keep/kept telling myself that I'm straight is because of the backlash that would occur if I was. I struggle to adjust to massive changes...and this would be a very big change and challenge for me to deal with.

I also thought it was just a phase and that I couldn't possibly be a triple minority (Jewish, left handed and Bi or gay). I'm also a Conservative. I'm a walking contradiction and I feared living my life as someone so out of the mainstream of all cliques or cultures.

I also always pictured having the all-american family, wife and kids and all...cookie cutter house in the suburbs of a southern state.

Stereotypes also played a big role and really screwed me up.

 

I was a master at double-think, which made me able to realize my need to not think about certain things while simultaneously suppressing awareness of why that should be so, and so never thought about why I don't want to think about it.

People do it all the time about the most innocuous things without realizing.

 

I think that being Demi-Bisexual didn't help at all considering that I had never really been attracted to anyone except people who kinda clicked with me on a romantic level, who were mostly girls until I started having a massive crush on one of my best friends who was a guy. Also until them I only really thought of homosexual relationships as something that happened to other people, despite being brought up in a very liberal household. I think going to Catholic school, even in this day and age, could have had something to do with it.

 

took the words out of my mouth.

 

I was confused in my very early teens as I found myself liking both male and female. I enjoyed sex with both genders. My problem was that I did not know about bisexuality. I did not hear about bisexuality until the discussion arose with Elton John becoming open about himself.

 

Sixth grade was about the time that I realized I was not like a lot of kids my age, but I didn't have anyone to turn to or talk to about it. I didn't even know what was exactly wrong with me at that time. All I knew was that I didn't relate to a lot of girls in my grade that were getting interested in boys, I couldn't make any strong friendships, and I was doing everything to avoid the people in my grade because I felt like I didn't belong with them. For a while in sixth grade I thought I might be transgender because I was never interested romantically in boys and I honestly wanted to be a boy so I would have all my guy friends again (they had all left me in third grade). Only when I was in seventh grade did I develop a crush on a girl, and then I denied it at first because I thought I was too young to have the feelings I did. Also, there was always the social pressure of "being straight" that I never really understood. At first I was plain confused about so much, and I still am a bit confused when it comes to my sexuality and orientation.

 

I grew up in a small southern town in a religious family. So I just repressed my feeling and acted as everyone expected.

 

I never thought I wasn't gay, but I never knew I was either. I had two extremely short 'relationships' with girls, which as far as I am aware never even involved any bodily contact whatsoever xD, I think this apprehension at having a relationship with a woman prompted me to consider other options, and I am glad I did, because otherwise I would likely still be unsure. I have always admired women for their beauty, and I still do, but I am in no way attracted to them sexually, nor do I desire any form of romantic relationship with them either, and I think I confused this admiration with sexual attraction, which it certainly is not.

 

You sound like a 20 year old version of me.

 

I think because for a long time, I never realized that wanting to emotionally connect with a girl in the same way you would with someone of the opposite sex could be considered bi or being a lesbian. I guess even though I was aware of homosexuality was out there, I always thought it was always innocent to me when I saw a girl I thought was pretty or cute, like a compliment in a way, but not being sexually attracted to that girl. When I met my ex girlfriend on line however, it changed how I viewed everything.

 

Up until I was about fifteen years old, my mind muddled various forms of admiration and aesthetic appeal together so that I could not distinguish one form of "liking" somebody for another (this may have something to do with me being neurodiverse). I thought that I "liked" boys because I fond their hair and eyes to be nice and because I wanted to spend time with them; it wasn't until I was about fifteen that I understood that this differed from the emotion that I felt towards some of my female friends that some would call "love." Also, I found and still find many males to be "pretty," but it was not until a few years ago that I realized that finding someone to be "pretty" and finding someone to be "hot" were different sensations. I also appear to be at least somewhat demiromantic; even now, I still tend to confuse very strong feelings of friendship for romantic attraction and vice versa.

 

Because "my religion" told me that it was wrong. I knew that I was different and I was leaning towards being bi, but then I realized that I just liked girls platonically.

 

Sounds a lot like me. It's difficult to come to terms with not being straight when the religion you're brought up believing tells you that anything else is wrong, disgusting and against God's plan.