So, this weekend i have been seriously considering telling someone that i am in fact gay. Now i still dont feel confident enough to tell any of my close friends but there is this one girl who i am friends with but is in fact going back home to singapore in a few weeks. Now i know this is quite a cowardly thing to do as im probably not going to see her for a long time, but another reason i want to tell her is that she is the only one who has ever talked about having gay friends or even going to gay places. It may be just what i need to share with someone even if they arent someone i will see for years at atime. i know i can trust her as we are all studying counselling psych so there is this whole confidentiality thing we have to abide by so im in know doubt that she wont keep it to hersself if i ask her to. What do people think, is this a good way to do this?
If shes min away soon perhaps not. All the couage i takes to come out. It'll seem like a waste if shes no longer there. You feel exactly like you do now. Id try a closer friend
I disagree. I think you need to tell who you're comfortable with telling. You find that the more people that you tell, the easier it becomes. So while your friend may not be around for much longer, at least see telling her as being the first of many people. Jumping onto the first stepping stone is always difficult: it's small, far away, and slippery. But if you can make it there, the next one doesn't look so far away, and before you know it you're at the other side of the river. I say go for it, but at the same time remember that she's going and you won't have that support you're probably quite desparate for at this stage, and maybe consider coming out to another close friend relatively soon. Good luck (*hug*)
I think telling her would be a good idea even though she is leaving. I think you will feel the proverbial weight lift off your shoulders. Also, it will give you some confidence to come out to others later on.
I agree with you! This friend sounds like somebody who can lend support. We DO have Internet and phones so even though she is moving away physically it doesn't mean you can't be close. I have had a very platonic friendship with a guy on the East Coast for something like six years and we have only met physically once! So it can be done. Once you come out to the first one, you might find that its easier to do it to a second. I say go for it!
I agree with Becky and Vector. If you think that she would a good person to come out and if you feel ready, give it a try. Even if she is moving away, she can still lend you support and be there for you. Two friends to whom I have come out to live in Eastern Canada, and we stay in touch over e-mail and the phone and their support/advice helps a lot, even though I don't see them in person for most of the year. I would suggest give it a try. Any kind of support that you can get is important and will help you feel more comfortable with yourself. Good Luck!
I also agree with most of the above. In fact, I was just in a similar situation with one of my friends here at home. This guy who lived within a 2 minute walking distance of me, told me that he was moving away. But I trusted him so much that I just felt the need to come out to him. He actually called me out on it though haha. He was able to just figure out through some questions that I was gay. And by coming out to him, he actually told me that he in fact, was bi. Something I NEVER would have suspected as he is a very hardcore mormon. He is currently already living in his new house, and I am really glad that we shared our secrets. We talk on the phone and through text message all the time still and he told me that he is always there for support. I can call him or text him whenever I just need someone to talk to about ANYTHING. I hope your experience goes well!
ok, today is going to be the day i tell her if she confirms she is meeting me for lunch. i am soooo nervous. i have sorta prepared in my head what i will say but i know as soon as i see her that will go out the window!!
Ah...you and I think a lot alike. I've only told two people myself. One lives in New York and the other in Seattle...both far far away from my world. Both are good friends that I've known since childhood and people that I trust with anything (one also happens to be gay). I say do it. I tried to silence that voice in me for years, but it finally got to where I was about to explode . I had to tell someone or I was going to go nuts--and these two were the first people I thought about because they were progressive enough in their thinking to get the hell out of Alabama. (although I still can't fathom telling any of my close firends I see on a daily basis--its just different down here). After the uncomfortable "umm, I've got to tell you something" I felt a sudden sense of relief...and that helped me progress down the long road of my own accecptance...although I've still got a ways to go in that regard, telling those people was a major help...it might help you too.
Ok, so i told her yesterday!! and she wasnt as shocked as i thought she would be. i initially couldnt get my words out but as soon as i said it she said 'ok'. She told me she when she had initially met me she has suspected and when she asked others they said that i was straight so then she assumed i was straight and thought nothing more of it. But we talked for ages about my feelings and what im thinking and was SOOOO supportive. she told me that if i decide to tell anyone else, she thinks that people wouldnt be as shocked as i think they would be. Overall, made me feel really good and i do feel like a small weight has come off. However, what Michael said at the beginning of this thread also seems to be quite strong. Now thinking to other people although ive now told one person, it seems like such an effort and still quite tough. Maybe im not ready yet but i feel ready. so although a good experience and wow, cant believe how good it felt, there are still doubts in me about telling my other friends.
Congratulations! I am happy for you that it went so well and that she is so supportive. Way to go! Even though she is moving away, having that support can only help you in becoming more confident about yourself and gathering the courage to continue your coming out journey. There is no question that coming out is difficult but with every single try and person to whom we come out to, the 'easier' it might become. If you are still having doubts about coming out to your other friends, take it slow. Think about who could or would be the most accepting/supportive friend within that group and take it from there. I hope your coming out journey continues to be as positive as it has started. Again, congratulations!
