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just told my mother... no reaction

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by mikeh, Sep 8, 2008.

  1. mikeh

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    Not sure what I was expecting, but I don't know how she is really taking the news.

    There were 10 minutes we had alone at dinner before my sister got home, I asked "would you be upset if I was gay." She said "What? No. Why, are you?" I told her yes. She didn't say anything, the phone rang and she went to answer that. Came back and asked me "was I sure" and told her yes. She asked if this mean I had "a friend" and I told her no. Asked if "this was something I just knew" and told her I had tried to deny it for 9 years. She said "well, I don't know what to say." That was about it. I told her not to tell anyone, she said she wouldn't.

    Well, she did want to know if I was going to tell my father, I said "no, not in the immediate future." I said something like "he would have a stroke if he found out," but she didn't think so. She said he might just surprise me (in accepting it). That was nicer than my aunt's prediction that he would never accept it.

    Maybe I will just give it a while, ask her if she wants to see the PFLAG brochure. The whole thing was surprisingly uneventful. I thought I would explode if I didn't tell her soon, but wasn't expecting this complete non-reaction.
     
  2. Blaz

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    First of all, congratulations on coming out.

    It doesn't seem as though your mother is against it, she may be upset though, although she is probably trying to come to terms with it. I'd give her time to sort things out and fully accept it, and showing her the PFLAG brochure is an excellent idea also.

    I'd stick with your plan to wait to tell your father though.
     
  3. Derek the Wolf

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    She's probably a little rattled right now. Give her a chance to process the information and I'm sure she'll come around. Congratulations though. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Lexington

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    She did everything she was supposed to. Thank her for not freaking out on you. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  5. Nodnarb

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    Congrats!

    Her reaction sounds exactly like my mom's:slight_smile:
     
  6. gutsrie

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    Were you expecting a tantrum or a fit of some sort? Thank goodness that didn't happen with your mom and you because it is NOT fun.
     
  7. mikeh

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    Thanks all, it's quite a weight off my mind. Later today I will show her the PFLAG book.

    I'm very glad she did not have a fit!

    I wasn't expecting her to have a meltdown, but her not saying anything made me think I hurt her in some way. I know it was a complete surprise to her, it was the same with my aunt. But usually I can tell if my mother is upset or angry... this was not like her at all.
     
  8. BeautifulStranger

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    My Aunt said I could move in with them in Alaska when I came out because she was 100% positive that my dad would kick me out

    He accepts it, my mom rejects it.
    People really do surprise you sometimes. Give your father a little credit.
     
  9. Jim1454

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    Congrats on coming out! Your mom's reaction was perfect as far as I can tell... Just give her time to process it. My parents went months and never mentioned it again after I came out to them. I've had to bring the subject up myself to them again.

    Good luck with your dad. Nobody knows him better than your mom - so she's probably right. Keep us posted!
     
  10. Sam

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    Congrats on coming out to your mom!

    I would just give her some time to think but it seems like she is on her way to accepting you because she didn't seem to have a negative reaction.
     
  11. mikeh

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    Now I realize what's going on... she is in denial. This evening I went to show her the PFLAG pamphlet, she goes "oh, Michael are you sure about this?" I just walked away.

    God, I've never been so mad. I should have seen this coming. This is the person who couldn't understand the tilt steering adjustment, now I'm supposed to explain this?
     
  12. Mind Freak

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    Lol. That's a little harsh;; Just think she hasn't gone through ANYTHING like this ever in her life so its a little new.
     
  13. Zak

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    Congrats man!!!
     
  14. Lexington

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    You don't have to explain it - that's what the PFLAG pamphlet is for.

    Remember - you've had months/years to get used to the idea.
    She's had 48 hours.
    Give her a chance to catch up.

    Lex
     
  15. Kenko

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    She may be in denial, but this can be a very difficult thing for parents to deal with. It sounds like she's trying so give her credit.

    I'm sorry but I laughed at the tilt steering comment. Only because my mom's the sort if you teach her the tilt steering adjustment in one car, she'll forget how to do it in the old car. When she moved from a console shift to a floor shift car, the windshield wipers came on frequently when she went to put it in park.
     
  16. Cheese Love

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    Good job on putting it out there-

    I'm fairly certain she just needs time. If she initally said she wouldn't be upset if you were, I'm sure she'll come around. She just needs to let it set in.
     
  17. mikeh

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    I was mad at my mom the other night for asking me again "if I was really sure," but it didn't last. Right after that I emailed my aunt, and I found out why my mom asked me. It turns out that I apparently was not clear to my aunt that "yes, I am gay." She thought I was just questioning myself. When my mother talked to her after I came out, she must have gotten that idea from her. So, hopefully now both my mom and aunt know I'm not confused!

    As for my mom dealing with it, she hasn't mentioned it, and that's okay with me. I'm fine with that, because there's not really any more I have to tell her (and it's embarrassing to talk about it with my parents, we never talked about anything). I'm happy that she knows, and now we can just go on with things as usual. I think with some time, seeing that nothing has changed except now she knows, will be good for both of us. And she has the PFLAG book on her computer (if she can figure out how to use that :icon_wink)

    Though, I need to give my aunt a call on the phone. In emailing her, she got the idea I was very upset. She asked if I had ever been abused by someone as a child, or if I wanted to see a therapist about this. Hard to get emotions across via the computer... she needs to know I'm happier than I've been in years, who'd have thought I would ever come out of the closet?! :icon_bigg
     
  18. Jim1454

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    Hey Mike! I'm really glad that you're getting this cleared up with your mom and aunt! Also super happy that you're feeling so good about it!!!
     
  19. Mickey

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    I agree with other posters that you need to give her time.It will be okay.
    Congrats on coming out and being yourself. Good luck with your dad
    and with all you do!
     
  20. shakerdancee

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    Those are the exact words I plan to use. If you have better ideas, PM me...