Hey everyone, This happened a few weeks ago but I thought I'd share it since reading a lot of people's stories on this forum really helped me. This is gonna be a long one. So I suppose I came to the realisation I was probably gay when at age 14 I was dating a girl. I dated her because she was nice and everything but to be honest there was no real connection whatsoever, if anything we were just really good friends. It just didn't feel right, but at that point I had no real experience of love or attraction whatsoever so I went with it. Well I kissed her.. and I didn't like it. It was just like 'Oh, so that's it? That was actually quite horrible' Not long after I broke up with her because.. there was just nothing there. Later that year I developed crushes on 2 guys at different times (at this point I had no idea that was what a crush was) but I fantasized about making out with them and everything. Since I was in heavy denial about the possibility I could be gay, I passed this off as just a phase and that eventually I would start liking girls. Well guess what.. that never happened. As most people do, I watched porn at that time. I watched straight porn and it used to take me a long time to y'know climax I guess. I was not attracted at all to the women in the videos, I think it was just the fact that it was sexual that I could watch it. But one day I accidentally stumbled across a gay porn video and well.. at that point I didn't really go back. It felt so much more arousing. I went back as a way of trying to force myself out of gayness and of course it was nonsense and didn't work. I tried so hard to like girls but it just wasn't happening. My friends would notice women's boobs and hotness and I had not even given it a thought. I would notice hot guys though. I spent many years in denial and sorta accepted that I was probably bisexual. This was OK with me because it still meant I could be with a girl one day.. and it was a first sort of step to accepting myself. It was only up until recently I met a guy and I felt was true love really was. I loved him both physically and romantically and it just felt so good. I had never felt this good before about anyone. At this point I realised I am indeed probably gay, and for the first time in my life I didn't care. I loved him too much to the point where I didn't give a damn what anyone else thought or the fact that it was gay. If anything, I was proud of it and I still am. Unfortunately, he probably didn't feel the same about me as I did him and he was happily with someone else. This upset me a lot but I told him I just want him to be happy because I love him. So fully accepting my gayness for myself, I finally felt comfortable admitting it and I didn't care what anyone else thought. I just wanted to stop hiding. I chat with some friends on Steam and I joined various LGBT groups, which they noticed and from what I've heard are happy for me and it hasn't changed anything. No longer if anyone questions me with 'Are you gay?' do I tell them no. I tell them yes. The harder part was telling my parents. I had no idea how they would react. The only time gay people come up in conversation is when someone is on TV that is the obvious gay type, and insults would sometimes be said. I am going through a lot of depression and I struggle with social anxiety and my family members try to help me as much as they can. I felt odd accepting help when there's this thing they don't know about me. The amount of times I hear 'When are you gonna get a girlfriend?' and 'We want grandkids from you' Maybe they will think differently of me when I tell them I thought. So a few weeks ago with support from some online friends I decided to go for it because it just felt like too much guilt. I told my mother there was something I wanted to tell her later, and she was like 'Tell me now' but she was all in a rush to go out anyway and this was a sensitive matter so I convinced her I would tell her later. I was shaking and really anxious as I heard her arrive home and straight away she was at me asking me what it was. After a lot of silence and delay I just said 'I'm gay' and she was like 'Really?' so I was just like 'Yeah'. She said she loved me no matter what and that it didn't matter. I think it was still processing through her mind because the next day she was asking me multiple times 'Are you sure?' and 'Do you think it's just a phase?' to which I said it's definitely not. She said 'How do you know you're.. the g word?' and I said 'Well how did you know you wasn't?' and I could tell she was in denial. She told me that I wasn't the 'type'. She must've thought everyone that was gay followed the stereotype, which for me couldn't be further from the truth. I'm quite sensitive, but that's down to bullying and stuff from when I was younger I think. But other than that I hate shopping, fashion and all that sort of stuff and I don't have a lisp or a wimpy arm. I have nothing against anyone that does at all, but I just don't. She dropped me off to see my therapist and when she came back later to pick me up I could tell she was upset and unhappy. This made me feel really bad and guilty.. but what can I do. I can't change the way I am. Making me feel bad I decided to go out for a walk to ease my mind. I was out for a few hours and by this point my dad was home. I went into the house and she was still in tears and said 'I've told him' to which I replied 'Oh for god sake..' My dad throws around the word gay and had pointed out queer people in tv shows before to me so I was really worried about what he would think. He just said he wanted a talk with me. I went up to my room and he followed me a little later. He told me he doesn't care who I fancy and none of that matters and that I am his son and he loves me no matter what. I was surprised by this quite a lot and whilst things were awkward I was glad I was no longer lying. My dad hasn't mentioned it at all since and it's like nothing really ever changed. If anything we've become closer. My mother still sometimes says 'Yeah but you're not sure are you?' to which I tell her I am sure but in time I'm sure she'll come to accept it and not much has changed really. I'm just so thankful it's been as easy as it has for me because I know a lot of people have really really bad experiences. TL;DR - Out the closet to friends and parents. Pretty much accepted with only a bit of awkwardness and denial. Sorry this was so long but I hope anyone that bothered to read it enjoyed it and I hope it helps you! (*hug*)
I am glad that your father was so accepting. I hope that your mother can reach a state of peace, but it can be rather shocking and disorienting for parents when what they consider to be an essential, fundamental fact about their child's life (i.e. "My son is going to marry a woman and have kids with her.") is challenged. It takes a while for some parents to accommodate a contrasting piece of information (i.e. "My son is going to fall in love with/ marry a man.") into their existing view of their child; accommodation, however, does come. In the mean time, it may be helpful to remind her that you will still experience love, happiness, and all of the other things that one would expect that their child will experience and that you are still the same son that she has always known and loved and always will be, if she is open to such reassurance. However long it takes, may you have all much peace and happiness in your household.
