So, my past week.

For those of you who had helped me out in my trials of coming out to my friend "Mike", I will not plot puke that part of the story. The thread is still out there.. Someplace .

Disclaimer: As I type this, there's a whirlwind of thoughts going through my mind, and I'm completely incapable of putting this story together in a coherent, logical order. Or at least to the best of my ability. If you're not interested in reading my un-eventful weekdays, skip down to Saturday.

But one thing that I hadn't mentioned in my previous thread was that I was having some 2 week long bout with depression. And my parents were notiicing.

In any case, I came out to Mike last Tuesday, in an impromtu meeting at D'nDonuts.. Lol. That same night I had been contemplating telling another of our mutual friends about my sexuality. I did it via text messages, not but 2 hours after telling Mike. She was really happy to hear, and surprisingly she had suspected it since Saturday - apparently at a party on Saturday I couldn't keep my eyes off of Mike-. In any case those two had been my life lines for the next two days.

I vented via text messages with the two of them and yearned to spend time with them. Our time was scarce, and we were NEVER alone. Keep in mind that both Mike and "Emily", we'll call her, both go to different schools. The commute is short, but it's hard to find a window of opportunity.

I cherish the time I spend with the two of them. But, for some (reasonable, in my opinion) reason, when I'm not with them, I was quite depressed. I just had about 5 years of venting to do with them, and it just wasn't happening. My moods were out of control. Days seemed to drag on. Honestly, until I checked the date, I thought it'd been 2 weeks since I'd come out to those two.

The week is just DRAGGING on, it's Thursday when things are starting to become unbearable. I just wanted it to be the weekend so we could have some time to hang out; not even discuss my being gay, and whatnot.

It's Friday now... School football games. I go to their school football game. Uneventful, but a good time none the less. We went to the game, and when their team was getting creamed in the third quarter, we decided to go out to chili's for dinner. A party of 10, i believe, give or take. That's beside the point

I believe that my whole week culminates to Saturday. It was an emotional day, to say the least.

I was looking forward to Saturday. Another Saturday, another house party. I pick up my share of booze via a hey mister. But, there was a backfire... My mom saw my car sitting in the parking lot at a Mobil. She called my phone and interrogated me. I eventually was able to come up with a plausable explanation as to why I was parked there and covered my tracks relatively well.

Anyway, the party is starting shortly. It's about 10 o'clock, and I'm the only one that was able to come through on their promise for booze. Luckily some girl brought 2 30-racks. But that's irrelevant.

Girl that brought beer was really, really cool. I had just met her for the first time that night. She looked like she was kinda into the whole metal scene, like myself. I felt like we clicked. Plus, I thought I'd seen her at, what the hip kids call them, some of the metal "shows" in the area.

The party starts relatively quickly. Unfortunately everyone was drinking drinking cheap beer and no liquor... Regardless, as the night progressed, more people started showing up. One person being a girl that I had never met before. I went outside to smoke a cigarette. She followed. Our little beer girl I had mentioned before was out there already. And both of them kissed. I thought, oh, cool, they have lesbian tendencies.

Not necessarily the case, turns out they were lesbians with lesbian tendencies. I knew there was something I like about them .

Later, some of my friends and the girl that brought the beer (I just don't feel like making up a name right now) were out on the back porch. Being the socialites that we are, casually sipping our beers and sharing life experiences. I really respect (screw it, we'll call her Amelia) Amelia. She'd been out of the closet since she was 12, and went through a lot of riddicule. She's by no means perfect, in that she has done what a lot of teenagers do; such as smoke marijuana and experiment with other drugs. But at the same time she's by no means of the imagination a fuck up, considering I've seen many people go down her path and put themselves six feet under (figuratively) such as my sister.

She was talking about her girlfriend at one point outside, the conversation is hazy. But she was talking about how her girlfriend was straight before she met Amelia, and how she couldn't be happier with the relationship.

For some reason that put the biggest sense of jealousy through my being. Emily goes inside, she's cleaning glasses. I walk up behind her and whisper in her ear "I'm happy for Amelia, but her story made me so sad". Sad for my perdicament. You know, being the angsty, selfish teen I was meant to be.

I broke out in tears. (I have suppresed emotions for Mike, but I'm aware that he's not attracted to me) Hearing her story just made me think about him, and how hard I've been trying to not have these feeling for him. It eventually led to me having an emotional breakdown in the kitchen with Emily by my side. Sobbing, wallowing in my sorrow.

Enter Amelia. She asks me what's wrong. Emily encourages me to tell her. I was hesitant at first, but after some consideration (regardless of whether or not I was in a drunken stooper, I decided it would've been a good idea if I was sober) I decided to tell her I was gay and that her story made me depressed and jealous.

She completely understood. She wiped the tears from my faces and told me not to cry and gave me a big hug. We talked for about 10 minutes until I was ready to continue with the festivities.

We started to run out of beers at about 2:30 in the morning, the party was winding down. I just remember lying in a bed with Mike for what felt like an eternity, talking about everything. It was at this point I looked him in the eyes and realized that I'm grateful to have him as a friend and that if we wouldn't work out, it wasn't meant to be. And I"m completely fine with that now.

He has so much to say, and we can learn so much from each other. I'm grateful to have him as a friend and hope that we will be friends for as long as time will allow us to be. Anyway, I end up passing out next to Mike. I respect him to much to attempt to make a move on him, regardless of how drunk I am.

The next morning I arrive home at about 11 o'clock. Right on queue, my father calls my cell phone as I pull in the driveway. Asking me where I am, what my plans are, etc. He told me to stay home until they got home. I was dreading they were going to want to have a talk with me.

My fears were confirmed. They come in to my room and express their concern for me. Saying that recently I've become detached and my demeanor has changed drastically. My mom mentions that I seem to be depressed a lot too. Spot on, Mom.

They pick at my brain for about 13 minutes, asking me what's wrong, and asking me questions that will eventually lead them no where. An awkward silences falls... My mom comes over and sits down next to me and hugs me and asks me what's wrong real softly.... I just sit there for thirty seconds and the tears just started welling up in my eyes. I didn't know what was going to happen, I was crying for the unknown. But I knew one thing was for sure, they needed to know.

"I just don't know how to tell you what's "wrong" other than that... I'm gay". My mom started crying. I didn't know what types of tears they were. She asked my why I couldn't tell her. I told her for fear of rejection. She told me that she loves me regardless and that my being gay doesn't change a thing. Not that my dad wasn't present in this whole ordeal, but Mom was more or less MVP of the conversation.

Of course they had questions like "are you sure" and "how do you know". The basics, both of which my dad asked me at dinner between the two of us tonight.

I didn't really feel better when I told them. I was still kind of upset from the night before, in combination with my 3 and a half hours of sleep. So, I went upstairs to get some rest. When I woke, I had felt better than I had in such a long time. I can't even explain the feeling other than nothing short of magnificent.

Oh, and I was able to come out to a friend in my school so dealing with my crazy gay emotions is a lot more manageable now. We've made excellent friends in an extremely short amount of time. I feel like I've known her for years and we can talk about absolutely nothing for days. She's the best

It's been two days since I came out to my parents and a week since I had originally come out to Mike and Emily, and I can safely say that I feel better than I ever have in my entire life.

In summation
There's a lot of things I prepared for in my life. Like a real relationship, a true relationship. Not a fake Hetero relationship. I'm ready for the warm, loving embrace of a man that loves me just as much as I love him. Things I'm not quite prepared for are things like everyone knowing. Hence my paranoia with fabricated names. But for now, I'm content, and I'm ready to live my life as I was born.