Coming out in the Fire Service

I don't normally post about coming out to friends because it's a pretty nonchalant thing for me. However it was especially difficult for me to come out to this friend, and I figured this may act as motivation and encouragement for other people who find themselves in a similar situation. It also is very relieving to share.

For those who don't know, I'm currently in training to become a firefighter and paramedic. I'm nationally certified as a firefighter as well as in HazMat Operations and am currently in Emergency Medical Technician training.

The fire service, typically (and most unfortunately), is filled with more conservative, close-minded folks. For this reason, I have made it a goal of mine to come out to no one in relation to the fire service. I have hopes that my generation of firefighters will be more accepting than the last one, however right now (before I start looking for a job) my sexuality is not something I'd like local fire departments to know about because I'll soon be applying for jobs with them and sexuality could potentially be a risky issue for them.

When I went to the Fire Academy I expected not to know anybody. But to my surprise, on the very first day a guy who graduated in my brother's high school class was sitting right behind me. He was in my fire company (the group you operate within). We both were from Lawrence, and so we carpooled (and still do) to class in Kansas City four times a week.
I've always known that he'd probably be okay with my being gay, but because of his connection with my local fire department and the potential for rumors to be spread through our academy classmates, I figured it best to play straight throughout the entire academy.

However, because of the intimacy of a fire academy, this proved incredibly difficult to do.
I rode in the car with him for twelve hours each week, avoiding the topic of relationships.
With the rest of our academy class, I dove out of windows, jumped into holes, carried friends out of windows, put out fires, and trained to rescue people with them.
This is an intimate job. You have to know and trust your coworkers.
We went out for drinks and food once a week, and we're all still very good friends.

It's hard to describe the bond that you feel to these people to someone who isn't in the fire service, but we'll just say that it's very very tight. You live with your coworkers. Your life is their life.
And to not be able to share something so crucial to you, yet so minor, with them for fear of being rejected from the entire service is so stressful. I never cried about being gay until I was in the academy. The desire to be straight and fit in is too overwhelming because you just want to be the best responder you can be, and you want to form that inseparable bond with your brothers and sisters in the service. But so many people are rejected from the service because they're gay.

The fire academy is over. I'm in EMT now, but a handful of my academy classmates are here with me (something I am incredibly grateful for because it's awesome coming into class knowing people).
My friend and I still carpool to class twice a week and, finally, the matter of relationships came up. He asked if I had ever dated someone, and I said, "Ye I've been in a relationship for 2.5 years." And he asked, "You've been dating a girl for two and a half years and you haven't told me?" To which I replied, "It's a guy."

He changed the subject, obviously embarrassed, and we continued on toward home.
Later that night he texted me and said, "Your secret from the Fire Service is safe with me."

To finally come out to someone related to the Fire Service has been so incredibly relieving, and my friend and I have grown so much closer in the week and a half since I told him.
To finally know someone as intimately as all of the straight brothers know one another. I finally truly feel the bond that I know other firefighters feel with each other.

I know I can't come out to more academy friends until I have secured a job, but to finally know what the brotherly bond feels like was worth coming out for.
To any other gay men (lesbians are well-accepted) in the Fire Service - I hope you're doing okay. I hope your company members respect you if you're out to them, and I hope that some day we won't be scared to come out to our brothers and sisters in the service.

 

Thank you so much for that incredibly personal support, mbanema. I really appreciate it.
It's tough, but yes, coming out to even one person within the service community has been immensely relieving.

 

I'm glad that I'm not the only one out there.

You stay safe too. Best of luck with everything.