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Coming out to My Mum more officially.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Blossom85, Sep 20, 2014.

  1. Blossom85

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    As some of you might have read on a previous post, I was looking for advice to come out to my mum.. I was hoping to use the word bisexual in it, but as it happened, I didn't.. Let me know what you think of this situation and if you think this was a good enough way or should I be doing more or saying more to my Mum.


    Well, I Think I might have really come out to my Mum.. As it has happened, I went to my aunties last night for a girls night and whilst there, one of my aunties brought up that "Does my best friend assume I am gay", because my best friend and I have been talking about this kind of stuff and she came out to me, so I kind of then came out to her and told her my experience. The reason why my Aunty asked that question was because my best friend wrote on my wall and tagged this other friend of hers which is a girl.. The way it was written was like she was setting me up with this girl and introducing me to this girl as a potential girlfriend.. I had that feeling but only cause I knew about the conversations I had with my best friend.. I just kind of acted dumb around the rest of them and said, "I dunno why". I thought about it all night and even when I was trying to sleep last night.

    I had decided to try to incorporate that into my talk with my mum.. Then this morning on the way home, I just causally mentioned that I couldn't believe they all thought it was a set up and that I didn't want to say why she would have done that in front of them all cause while I might be ready to come out to my mum, I wasn't ready to come out in front of all of of them, especially after a few drinks or so.. Mum said she couldn't believe they had taken that much notice of it either, and then there was a moment or two of silence and then I kind of bravely popped up with.... "Well, she isn't entirely wrong there cause I do like guys and girls". My mum just kinda of nodded and said "Yeah", like she agreed.. It was then left at that..

    I wasn't sure if I should try to initiate another conversation with her about it, like ask her if I met a woman, would she be okay with it, but if thought if she really had a problem with it, she would have said something.. And as she has told me before, she just wants me to be happy.. I guess if I do meet a girl, we might have to deal with it a bit more then, but I didn't want to force her to talk about it if she didn't want to and she was driving too at the time, so I wanted her to be concentrating on the road.. Is that all I needed to say? Not have a big huge conversation? Part of me still thinks I wanna make sure she is fully okay with it.. But maybe she needs time to process it.. I didn't say I think I like guys and girls , I actually said.. She wasn't entirely wrong Cause I do like guys and girls..

    I am grateful for that moment last night to have been able to find a reason to at least bring it up as it does make me feel a little better that even though I didn't say bisexual.. I did say, I like guys and girls.. I just wanna make sure there isn't anything else I should be saying or doing or trying again.. Or should I be satisfied with what I said to her.
     
  2. ERA

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    I may not be the best person to comment on this because after I came out to my mom, we pretty much never talked about it again, but I don't think Mir needs to be said at this time. When you get to a point where you do have a relationship with another girl, you will probably want to talk to her to figure out what the ground rules are. I have a co-worker whose daughter is gay, and she treats her daughter dating just like her sons, no girlfriends alone with the door closed, no girlfriends over night, that sort of thing.
     
  3. HappyGirlLucky

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    Congratulations! (*hug*) To me it sounds like it went very well, and your mom is probably processing this quietly. You could talk about it if you wanted to, since your mom seems very supportive, but it doesn't sound like you need to.

    Coming out after a long time of thinking about it and getting a "Yeah." response can seem quite anticlimactic, like it barely even happened. My mom responded in a similar way when I came out about both my gender and sexual orientation at the same time, and it almost felt to me like she didn't understand what I just said. In my head I had envisioned everything from the end of the world happening to being yelled at to having a long and deep conversation about it. I never expected something like that, but in hindsight it's an understandable reaction of a supportive parent who may have had suspicions.

    I agree that she doesn't need to bring it up before she finds someone. I don't, however, think she needs her mom's permission to let a girl sleep over anymore. :wink:
     
  4. ERA

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  5. HappyGirlLucky

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    Well, considering Blossom's 29 years old I think her mom doesn't have any say about who she sleeps with. Unless she still lives with her mother, of course, and doesn't pay rent. :icon_mrgr
     
  6. ERA

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    You may have a point there. :slight_smile:
     
  7. Blossom85

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    Thank you both so much for your responses, I really appreciate it. (*hug*)I think I will just leave it how it was left and I guess I have left the door open for her if she wants to come back later on and talk about it, but if I do find myself in a relationship with a woman, I will have more of a discussion then.. I do kind of live at home, but I am in what is called a granny flat so I have my own lounge, bathroom, kitchen and bedroom but as I have a full time job, I do pay half the rent and half of everything else as well. My mum allowed my sister to have her boyfriend in her bedroom when he came over to stay before they moved out together so I don't think she would have any issues with me having a man or a woman in my room as my granny flat is connected to the main house, but my room is far enough away from my parents bedroom.

    I think I did have that kind of anti-climactic relation The Leryous, like it has been something I have been figuring out and thinking on for two years and I was expected a long talk or her asking questions, I knew she would be supportive but I still thought she might ask questions. Your response about coming out to your mother was how I felt, it was like did she really hear what I said or understand what I said, but I think cause I had mentioned it to her before, I think she was almost kind of expecting it at some point. I has also had talks with her about telling my best friend of my experience when she came out to me to tell me she is engaged to a woman.

    The first time I ever mentioned to my Mum, it is in this post:

    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/comin...l-wreak-break-up-promoted-me-tell-my-mum.html

    It has been talked about a little again since then, but until yesterday, I had never actually basically confirmed I liked guys and girls, it was only ever I dunno, I'm not sure when we talked before, so I think you are right.. I should just let it go now, know that what I said was clear and concise and if she doesn't want to make a big deal, then I guess that is a good thing cause it means she just is accepting of me as I am.