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Told my parents

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by kman33193, Oct 8, 2014.

  1. kman33193

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hey guys,

    I recently came out of the closet to my parents and they were both insanely supportive. I thought it would be a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, but it kind of wasn't. I was really excited that I'd have them to talk to about this, but honestly, my anxiety is still just as bad as it was before.

    To preface, I kinda had a panic attack this summer around the end of july. That was the exact moment I came out to myself and realized that I can't keep lying to myself about it. I came out to my cousin & two friends, and it felt better for a little while. But ever since I got back to University, my anxiety has been through the roof. I can't stop worrying about what the future holds for me and it seriously stresses me out. I've had sex with women in the past, and I liked it, but I feel like I'm lying to myself by not admitting that I'm attracted to men. The big problem is that there are so many people that I still have to tell and that can get pretty overwhelming.

    I have seven heterosexual male roommates and while I initially thought it would be easy to tell them (they're all pretty open-minded and I'm 90% one of them is gay too), it really isn't. I just want normalcy, and I think if I were to tell them, they'd say they were okay with it, but then treat me differently in subtle ways. I don't want them to think i'm checking them out every time they take their shirts off or anything like that. And because my anxiety is still bad, I constantly worry about it getting worse. It's hard to talk to my parents about the anxiety because I really don't want them to get worried about me (my mom is already crazy worried about me as it is). The other issue is that I've never even been with a man, and don't see myself with one in the near future - I still haven't been able to wrap my head around the idea just yet.

    I think the core of my anxiety lies in the fact that I feel like the only way I can truly prove to myself that I'm not ashamed in myself is by being open about my attraction to men. But at this point, I really don't feel remotely comfortable telling them (or anyone outside my immediately family/friends from home). I'm seeing someone from University Counseling on friday. Never really thought it would escalate to this level haha.

    Thanks for reading.
     
  2. Argentwing

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey, congrats on telling your parents! I'm older than you and have no plans to tell them jack. You should be proud of your courage.

    However, I do think you should go through with telling your roommates. If they are open-minded, they'll acknowledge that you would not have changed after telling them the whole truth: you're the same person and only idiots would continue to think otherwise.

    If they treat you differently, I think it will fade if you continue to act the same. They will quit thinking of you as "the bi guy" and once again as "your name." Familiarity goes a long way with how people treat others.
     
  3. King

    Full Member

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    Congrats, and I am sure that your parents will want you to tell them of your problems. Their job is to worry about you! At first it did not feel like a burden was lifted when I told my parents, but over time things improved significantly, I hope the same can be applied to yourself.

    Seeing a counsellor is a wise choice and may help your anxiety, it could also be a medical issue so it may be worth seeing your local doctor.

    It may be worth telling your roommates if you feel they are open minded and that you trust them, as that may relieve your anxiety.

    Please keep us up to date on your developments and good job so far.