I Love My Mom

I should start this off by saying that I've been unhappy for a long time and my parents didn't know why. I even said to my mom that I had been staying after school late so that I didn't have to come home. I've been stressed and have tried out for a lot of academic competitions. I made the A team for all of them even as a freshman, but it was still very stressful while I was preparing for tryouts. It was because I was scared that my parents would hate me of they found out I was gay. I only recently came out to myself after hating myself for it for my entire life.
Yesterday, while my mom and I were home, my dad was out with some friends, I guess I was visibly unhappy and my mom asked what was wrong. I told her nothing was wrong and I knew that she knew something was. Then after probably a half hour, she tried to hug me and I wouldn't let her. I should say that I was incredibly scared and thought she'd hate me so I wasn't exactly in the hugging mood. I went downstairs to my room and after a few minutes I came back up because I felt bad about it.
She was sitting and crying so we just hugged and held hands while watching some idiotic movie. Eventually she asked again what was wrong. I said nothing was but she kept asking and then asked if it was about my dad, or her, or if I was being bullied, or if it was about me. I said no to everything except for saying yes that it was about me. I told her I wasn't ready to talk to her and that I would when i was ready. She said she respected my decision and that I could talk to her about anything.
We went back to watching the movie and after wards I went downstairs to go to bed. She came down to say good night and saw me sitting on my bed. She said that I could tell her anything and at this point we were both crying. She said that she loves me and I asked if she would always. She said yes and that she doesn't want to see me sad anymore. Now we were hugging and crying and she asked what she did before, but then she said "you're gay?" And I said yes. She asked if I thought so and I told her I've always known so. I told her that I had always hated myself for it and that j didn't know how she'd react. She said that she loves me no matter who or what I am. She told me that all that matters is that im happy. Then we cried and hugged ad kept saying I love you for an hour. Until eventually she left and I went to bed.
Today there was no change. She still talks to me and behaves around me the same way she always has. I can't think of a better reaction. I have the best mom. It feels like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders and that I can finally be me.

 

Thanks everyone. I just wanted to share this to show that coming out isn't always met with negativity. Now I just need to figure out how the hell I'll come out to my dad. It will certainly not be met with the same reaction.

 

I'd like to come out to him soon. Not being able to be me, even at home, is affecting me. My mom said that he (my dad) will probably be surprised or shocked, but that he'll still love me. However it works out, it won't be the same as with my mom, who treats me no differently, and accepts me for me. I've brought up Alan Turing (before I was out to my mom), he's someone I kind of identify with, and both my parents were visibly disgusted and disturbed at what happened to him. For those who don't know, Turing is the father of modern computer science, he was an absolute genius in every sense of the word who cracked a secret Nazi code during WW2 for Britain, when the government found out he was gay, they stripped him of his clearance and he was given the option of chemical castration or prison. He killed himself by ingesting cyanide afterwards.

 

Thanks, I think I will next weekend, so that a bad reaction doesn't mess me up with school (I spend 25 hours per day doing studying to keep up my GPA), but then again school can work as a safe place if I get a bad reaction and don't want to be in the same house for a few hours. What do you guys think?

 

My dad also says a lot of homophobic stuff, but I don't think that's how he actually feels. Gay people are for the most part called fags, and if anyone is in the same room as my mom when she's watching one of her shows like "Parenthood" or "The Good Wife" they'll catch gay.

 

His style of humor is kind of racist/homophobic/sexist, but I honestly don't think he has actually agreed with any of his jokes before. I think he'll be shocked, maybe awkward, but I don't think I'll be hated or anything. I just don't want him to feel bad, since faggot is a pretty common word at my house. What do you think?

 

She said that she would help me if I wanted, that she could come out for me, or the two of us or she could just be there, or not at all. She's willing to help me. What should I tell/ask her?

 

She said he'll probably be shocked or surprised, but to know that he'll still love me. I think it will be awkward when I finally do come out to him.:help:

 

I think that's best, thanks for the advice.

Thanks. And of course I will, I could have much worse.

 

I should add that my dad has a lesbian cousin who has been with her partner (maybe wife, idk exactly what they are) for longer than I can remember, and we don't avoid them or anything, they are just like the rest of the family.