The end in sight

I don't post too often. But I think this is a special occasion. I've just now sent this email to my parents. I couldn't do it face to face, that was just too much. They'll get it tomorrow morning, and well...I'll see how they react then.

Hello, I hope everyone at home is well.

I’ve settled in nicely in my room here, and I’ve got lots of things going on in terms of meetings and things to do, so everything is fine. However, that’s not the reason I’m writing to you. I want to tell you something. I wish I could have told you this face to face, but I don’t have the courage to do that. Even writing this thing, when I’m typing it and know I won’t be there when you read this, I’m still afraid. I want to tell you that I’m gay.

The main reason why I’m so afraid is that I don’t know how you’ll react to this news. No idea at all. Perhaps you’ve suspected it for some time? Perhaps it’s a total surprise? Either way, I have one simple request. Please talk this over, think this over before you talk to me about it. The last thing I want is for you to have a knee-jerk reaction to this news and we all end up saying things that can’t be unsaid.
Not knowing how you feel about this makes it difficult to decide what to tell you. So I’ve thought of a few things you might want to know from me, as best I can. It’s not a “phase” nor has anything “made” me the way I am. I am more certain of this than anything else in my life because, frankly, it’s as much a part of me as anything else. Please don’t blame yourselves, of all people. You’ve been the most loving and supportive parents I could have asked for. I don’t know why it is that I’m gay, but I suspect the answer is far more complicated than anyone can hope to understand. One thing that I am sure of is that it is something deep, central and integral to my life.

Maybe it seems as though I’ve changed, somehow. I’d like to assure you again that I am the same person as I always was, it’s just I’m telling you something about myself that you didn’t know. You probably had some different picture of the person that I was, or the future that I’d have but knowing this should change nothing. There’s no reason why I can’t live a normal life, because I am normal. What I could ask most of you is that you do nothing else than what you’ve always done-love and respect me as a person.
Perhaps you didn’t want to know about this, or you’d rather that you didn’t know? I just want to tell you the truth-that’s the only reason why I’d tell you at all. I want you to know for two reasons. Firstly, every time I had to lie to you, it hurt. It hurt so much that I had a secret that I could share with my friends (I’ve told them already) but not with my family, who mean so much more to me. Secondly, I’ve been telling this grand lie for so long, to so many people that I started to believe that lie on a superficial level. I need to tell the truth for my own sake, so I can finally accept this aspect of my personality and move on from it.

As I said at the beginning, I don’t know how you’ll react, but I do know that you’ll always love me, just like I will always love you. Please take time to think this through, talk it through before you contact me again. My only regret is that I couldn’t speak these words to you myself.

Love
Mark

And well, that's it now. That's my total and complete...out-ness. Gosh. I wish I wasn't so nervous-I'd almost feel happy.

 

Thank you all for your kind words, and it's time for a status update. And all is well! My parents are totally fine with it, as near as I can tell. They've said they love me (of course) and that they want to talk to me this weekend when I get home. It's all sounding good, eh?