I did it I sent my parents an email saying I was a gender leaning towards male. I am terrified. Will post update when I hear back. Also when we have a discussion proably over thanksgiving break.:icon_sad::tears::icon_eek:
Keep yourself busy in the meantime! Worrying won't help you. It's not wrong to worry, but it's much better for you if you can distract yourself.
Yeah I'm laying on friends dorm floor wearing steam punk goggles to hide my tears. I'm so so so so scared!! ---------- Post added 19th Nov 2014 at 11:34 PM ---------- Anyone know were to buy a binder cause that's the next step in my mind
THEY ARE COOL WOTH IT!!! Well my dad is at least no word from mom but she is generally the more chill one! I am suprised but relieved!
Well it's gone south the truth came out when my mom called me she thinks I'm obsessing over this, prejudging it, and my friends are influencing me (all my friends are straight except for one who is only out to me as bi.) so yay.... I thought it went well to. Ohh and I have been given a stern warning not to mention anything during thanks giving cause ya know I would totally do that...
Don't worry, you are now an adult, time to pull rank a bit and firmly (but as kindly as possible) tell her that this isn't going to change, whether you are "obsessed" with it or not. Time for you to give her a stern warning that this isn't going away and the sooner she accepts it, the better. You can respect her short-term wish to keep it quiet over the holiday, but remind her that it is really important to you and that this will need to be dealt with, sooner, rather than later. If and/or when she gets to acceptance, give her the time to grieve, she will need time to let go of what she had in mind for you.
Thanks for the advice, I guess I am just angry right now. The fact that my dad who I was more worried about sending me an email saying they were cool with it followed by my mom calling and saying those things makes me shocked and angry.
Hang in there. This won't last forever. She will eventually accept it if you are clear that this is a part of you that isn't changing. You are quite brave, keep strong!
The amount I want to punch something is so great. I thought coming out would make me feel better not worse. If I could take it back I would I hate being agender I want to be straight so bad.
Update time. So I went home for weekend to watch my dog. I also had chance to speak to my dad 1 on 1. Some highlights: My mom is apparently just scared for my future and wants me to be a successful adult. My dad "supports me no matter what" but it would be a whole nother conversation if I were a guy (ie trans) My dad does not support the breast binder thing but I was firm and told him I will be 20 in a week and do not need there blessing on that. He want me to speak to my mother about it Both parents made a point of calling me by my full name instead of my gender neutral nickname that has been in use long before coming out. My dad asked me how I knew I was agender and I couldn't come up with a good reason besides it felt right (anyone have an answer for that one?? I mean come on the only gender normative people know there gender is cause of there parts) BUT IM NOT KICKED OUT OF THE HOUSE (!) (life's small victories)
Your parents are taking some time to adjust, but there seems to be hope for them to accept you fully. Maybe tell him that when things are at their most basic, you can't explain them, like how you know one plus one equals two. I don't know if that explanation would work on him, but it seems to have helped many others I know (including me) to understand the concept of gender.
That it is a good idea. I will have to try that when I have the talk with my mom sometime this week. It sucks that it is this hard.
So the saga continues... Tried to talk to mom this morning didn't go well and it didn't last long. I tried to talk about it and she quickly interrupted to ask me what I was going to do next. I told her I was going to join a support group and get a breast binder. For reasons unknown that is equivalent to surgery to her and she got pissed said that it's thanks giving and I will not be getting surgery ever. I tried to reassure her that was not the plan that I don't want surgery but I don't know if she got message. Next I went to walk dog with my dad and he too went on a rant about not getting surgery or hormones. I don't know where they got the idea but it sure wasn't me! Anyways I tried to calmly explain that a breast binder is different and not permanent but his only response was that there not paying for it until I start listening to them... Not sure what was meant by that. So it looks like I will be applying for free binder when applications open up December 1st. My family pretty well off so I feel kinda bad because my folks can afford to get me one but that's not an option and I'm a broke college student . Overall I am still regretting coming out to them. I thought it would make me feel better but so far I feel so much worse
Thelostone12, hang in there. (*hug*) They've probably done some research themselves, don't you think? They likely did research, have read a few things, and think you'll be getting surgery. You might want to educate them a bit on the subject, if it's new for them. =) However, you state that you've already tried to do that. You should wait until they get more used to the idea. Their reactions are not understanding now, they are blinded by the news, if I may say so. If I'm honest, it looks like they think it's some kind of surgery, in a way. Or, if you have no money, they simply state they don't agree with the decision (so they won't ever buy you any). You will feel better, eventually. You told them, it's an incredibly brave thing to do. (*hug*) (*hug*)
You might think about just explaining your feelings... http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/156085-i-just-im-kind-scared.html#4 The first pdf is a brochure for the british NHS... do you think showing would help ? The second is a pflag brochure... (*hug*)
Ugh so was out with my dad today and he is now badgering me about getting my ears re pierced! Really? Really? Ugh he has always obsessed over me having earrings not sure why. It is the worst! He also was trying to guilt trip me into it. Going on about how I am going to hurt my mom. I also had a chance to tell him my honest plans for the near future. I told him again about binding. He just got really quite and looked upset. This is so hard I don't want to hurt them maybe I should just stop. It is not what feels right but I dont know if I have a choice. I don't want to hurt them. I am so lost and confused.
This is a pdf from pflag, from the link above: https://sait.usc.edu/lgbt/files/PFLAG Coming Out As Trans.pdf It shows reasons why parents might react, and some answers... like telling them you still retain your sense of humour... on the second page is an explanation for others, a comparison with halloween ... you might have a closer look at it and give it a few thoughts... in the coming out section, there were a few letters from transgender people. You might think about having a closer look at them... Have you thought of counseling, with a gender therapist, or someone from school ? A support group is a really good idea... and maybe making some friends on EC... This is from another posting: (*hug*)
I have thought about a therapist but I don't gave money and schools not an option because A I go to catholic school and B I have heard terrible things about them. I am going to try a support group in a town about 30 mins from school far enough no one will know me (I hope) this is just a mess. I know I need help..
