Well, I did it. I came out to my girlfriend as being interested in womens' fashion, specifically wearing some things in the future. I told her I had a feminine side, and that I'm really into fashion, that I have been for about a year or so. I'd built up the terror of saying something. How irrevocable it would be, to release that kind of secret into the world. I just kept daring myself to say something. To stop repeating nights of doing nothing, saying nothing. I was fearful of chickening out...again...of how I'd feel the next day. I told myself that if you want change - real change - then you have to do something, take the risk, to create the opportunity for that change to occur. I fought saying something for a long while. Distracted myself endlessly. And finally deciided enough was enough. And then....my practiced line about wanting to share something with her, was out of my mouth...and there was no turning back. The conversation was nothing like the terrifying wall it seemed like before I spoke. It was almost disconcerting in its ease, in her unblinking acceptance. I found it easy to say the first few sentences. The poweful ones that packed all the weight. I have a feminine side. Im into womens fashion. I want to try out some clothes at home. I talked about the specific styles I liked: punk, goth, industrial, boho, alternative...as well as more traditional skirts, leggings, yoga pants. The really comfortable stuff. She didn't really say much at all. It was a little awkward. I didnt know what else to say. I went farther to explain how I felt genderfluid. how I felt differently when I thought about different aspects of me. With exercising and fitness I'm motivated by thoughts that I'm a toned woman. I feel myself channeling "Her". The same for my inner spiritual side. And definitely for my creative side. But my professional side, my design oriented craftsman, my academic and social sides feel much more masculine. I talked about how I don't feel dysphoria, how Id like to just float from one to the other as I want. Wear what is comfortable at the time. Id never voiced this before and it surprised me that I told her. But I dont feel ashamed now. Of any of it. I don't exactly feel ecstatic. We didnt pour over pinterest or fashion mags. I didnt dress in anything. We werent giddy together. we barely discussed details. We were just real. More exploration to come I suppose...
Alright! Definitely applaud your courage and resolve. Even if she didn't get giddy, that's perfectly normal. If she identifies as straight, she may need some time to figure all that out as well.
Thank you We'll see how it goes. I'm sure it will be a but awkward to dress in front of her. But I feel good at least, excited for the future..and for being more open about who I am.
Congratulations! that sounds so positive! several people who I've come out to me who are close to me have said that it's helped them to understand me finally. hopefully this brings you guys closer together!
I hope so too. I hope it will also keep me from being so moody, withdrawn, and secretive, which was depressing me, and poisoning our relationship. I really do hope she'll share this exploration with me, if shes comfortable with that.
