Hi all I have been out now for nearly 24hrs. I am 52 years old was married and divorced. For the past 14 yrs i have been a single dad with two male children 18 and 20. Yesterday i finally told my two children. After rehearsing the story in my head for many years and always coming up with excuses I found the catalyst was to write down my speech so that I could stay on track and consider all possibilities. I must say when i had finished i was quite emotional but pushed on regardless to tell them. I told them seperately as one was here with me and the other was travelling in Europe and as luck would have it he lost his phone so we did the chat on FB messenger. (Not recommended) So here is the two conversations the first one is just the speech i wrote down but the second has the whole conversation recorded on FB. If it helps anyone and i certainly understand all the possible angles my recommendation would be to "live your life your way". Ok enjoy I will be interested in the comments To Son One xxxxx i have a very important conversation to have with you You know i love you more than anything on this planet and would do anything to support you and keep you safe I have been rehearsing this conversation for about 16 years never finding the right time and the courage to be honest with you Over the 14 years i have been your single parent, at times this has almost got the better of me I realise this now this issue is the source of all my anger and depression I am not sure how you will respond to this but i feel it is important for me to finally be honest , I can imagine you might be angry and upset but hope you know that I will always be here for you I would appreciate if you would take some time to allow me to tell the other important people in my life as I have not told anyone else Well as you know I have been on my own for 16 years and for the last couple of years around Christmas and new Years I realise that i hate not having someone special to share my life with So i intend to go find someone for myself but the issue is that I’m Gay i needed to let you know now so that i can get on with the rest of my life free from all this anger and misery. I don’t know if i am up for too many questions now but try me to see how we go. By this stage I was in quite a mess so my son hugged me for quite a while he was super “chill” his word with all of it. We spent a long time asking each other questions and particularly me checking to see if he was really ok. To Son Two on Face Book Messenger(away overseas) Dad - I had something quite important to tell you Son 2- tell me Dad - ok here goes Dad - i have it typed out somewhere let me copy it Son 2- You’re scaring me now Dad - No Dad - It’s a bit heavy but... Dad - Well when you read it.... don’t forget to respond with something Dad - Hi xxxx dad here, I was talking to xxxx this morning and I let him know that I am gay. It was a difficult conversation for me but he was really cool with it all and he told me that you and him had your suspicions. So I just wanted you to know from me first hand. I am sorry i didn’t have the courage to tell you before and I now see that this deception was most likely the cause of much of my anger and frustration over the years and for than i am very very sorry. Anyways I had practiced this conversation over an over for 16 years but could never find the right time to say it nor the right way and certainly this is probably neither but now that I have told xxxx I thought you should know. I would appreciate if you could keep this to yourself so that I can get round to telling the other significant people in my life in my own way who knows perhaps that will take another 16 years but as long as the two important people in my life know then the rest can wait. All my love Dad xxx Dad - So? Dad - Hey …worried here (note to self good internet connection is imperative for this type of conversation) 5 mins later Son 2 - sorry Dad internet dropped out ….. Son 2- You shouldn't have waited to tell me but I understand why you did and I'm glad you did now. We had joked about it but i never really suspected it, Just know I love you very much and that changes absolutely nothing Dad - THANK YOU ! both you and xxxxx Son 2- I know it may be a big thing for other people in your life but it would never be for us. Dad -thanks very much xxxxx its been killing me for years. Son 2- So you've know for that long? Dad - Since i was 10 Dad - anyways it was easy to set aside when i took over parenting but now i dont have many years left so i need to get on and live my life the way i need to Dad - well it was buried in catholic guilt and hells fire damnation Dad - a much to common scenario for people brought up in the 60s and 70 s Son 2- that isn't something to put aside for us or anyone else and I'm sorry if we did something or said something that made you feel like you had to Dad - i wouldnt change anything just wish i had told you guys when you were younger but you had enough to deal with , with your two parents fighting so it never seemed the right time Son 2- i understand it was different back then. But you know now isn't the 70's most people are completely ok Dad - No you didnt do anything or say anything it was all my own internal inability to get to the point and say something. I care to much about what others think and i was petrified that i would loose you both. yeah but all them rules were burnt into me in the 60s and 70s Son 2- as if! Im so sorry you thought that Dad - sorry im crying so much i cant see the frikin computer Son 2- That's quite a New Years resolution Dad - well it was 42 new years resolutions all jammed into one Son 2- i can't believe you of all the time you could have told me it was over Facebook while I'm in Berlin Dad - it was wrecking every part of my life Son 2- that isn't me being angry I'm just shocked haha Dad - well it took me two weeks of diarrohea and an me an awful blubbering mess of a scene with xxxxx this morning to get it out i couldn't do that again Dad - no i know but you know inside my head it almost came out a thousand times but its never the right time Son 2- i understand Son 2- anytime would have been the right time, the reaction would have been the same Dad - so i would appreciate if you would give me some time to break it to the people i need to before you speak with anyone Son 2- of course! Have you told anyone else Dad - you think you and xxxx is not enough for one day? lol Son 2- I was just curious if we were the first to know Dad - Yes you two are the most important things in my life Dad - Who else would i tell ...remember i was alone last two new years with no friends Son 2-I'm sorry I didn't know that Dad - most of my old” friends" like from married days are so homophobic i dont think i will ever tell them Son 2- They are? i know they are your friends but fuck them Dad - after 11 years of being a single parent and working full time i have managed to divorce myself from everyone Son 2- I can't believe you didn't tell me when I did the speech on gay marriage in high school Dad - Doh? In Hindsight would have been a good time still i was petrified that i would loose you Son 2- you shouldn't have to feel like that Dad - i have a million excuses xxxx Son 2 they are? I know they are your friends but fuck them! Dad - yeah but the whole point of my rant is you need to drive your own life Son 2- As you should Dad - i think we got out of sync here Dad - in the typing Son 2- if you tell anyone and they aren't immediately ok with it, you don't need them in your life Dad - No i get that its still very difficult to do a u turn especially with work and such Son 2- I can imagine, well I can only imagine Dad - like how do you work with someone who has been so obviously homophobic over the years only because they thought you were straight Son 2- i appreciate you having the courage to tell me though Son 2- if it was me there would have been a significant amount of violence haha i mean with intolerant people Dad - what sort of a position does it put them in when you say by the way im gay and the last 300 times you were scoffing about faggots not being able to do x y or z i was standing right here Dad - courage or stupiditity i don’t know i just know i had to get on with whats left of my life Dad - its taken quite a bit out of me int he last few weeks been sweating and shitting bullets on how to bring it up with you both Son 2- whats left of your life? You're only 52, one crisis at a time please haha Dad - no thats not a crisis just a figure of speech Dad - I have to say xxxxxx was very chill about it Son 2- this is a different time dad Dad - as you are but he saw me in meltdown when i was saying it Dad - Doesn’t matter how many times you say that...my brain is back in the 60s and 70s Son 2- ive got a bunch of gay friends, it's nothing new Dad - i know I'm sorry Son 2-the only shock is that you've been so long in telling me, not the fact you actually are Dad -well i knew when i was 10 got divorced at 36 and still chased another couple of unsuccessful relationships with women so say 38 yrs old before i told myself Dad - so 28 yrs to tell myself and only 16 to tell you and xxxxx Dad - actually 30 - 52 only 14 yrs to tell you Son 2- 14 years? I'm 20 Dad - so by my calculations the next person should find out from me around 2025 lol Dad - yeah well i was still dating women til i was 38 it was then i decided what am i doing i am gay Dad - so 38 - 52 = 14 Son 2- While I'm obviously glad you did, Dad - anyways i was just being cute with the math Son 2- I see your math skills are still impeccable haha Dad - so anyways this has been holding me back in lots of areas...anger, drinking, biting nails, self confidence, relationships, friendships etc Dad - so i guess i dont have an excuse now Son 2- Have you had a relationship? Dad - Its not something i want to talk about just yet Son 2- i can imagine holding something like that in would drive you insane Dad - well you know it Dad - mad as a fucking cut snake i am Son 2- well I hope that telling us was relieving for you Dad - too early to say Dad - i guess so but the stress of the last few weeks might take some time to settle Son 2- you shouldn't have stressed about telling us Son 2- there was no way either xxxxx or I would feel any different Dad - Thanks xxxx you could have said that 14 yrs ago lol Son 2- you could have told me 14 years ago haha Dad - sorry but seriously thank you, both of you have been amazing about it Son 2- sorry that joke might have come a little soon Dad - which joke Son 2- nevermind Son 2- i meant mine not yours Dad - well what i meant was theres no point in looking back at shoudda couldda wouldda and simply take one step at a time forward Dad - i simply made all the best decisions i could make at the times when i made them, I think you know i always had you and xxxxx best interests at heart Dad - Hey its 4 am I need to sleep Son 2- Yep Dad - goodnight Son 2- i love you Dad - I love you too xxxxx
Hi and welcome to EC Congratulations to you for finding the courage to tell your sons and to them for being so accepting of you. So nice and inspiring to see coming out experiences like this.Hopefully one day this will be the reaction that everyone gives/gets. I hope you stay around and let us know how things are going,or alternatively you may have a few things you may want to ask us about.We are a friendly lot on here who will offer any genuine advice if we can. Good luck
This is a beautiful story. It genuinely made me smile Congrats on coming out amd I'm glad your sons were accepting
I am reading your story with tears in my eyes as I will be having the same conversation with my sons soon. I am so glad it worked out for you!
Great story. I know it took a lot of bravery. The only thing I'll say is that having read and heard a lot of young peoples reactions to gays and other areas of intolerance. I think the world is in safe hands. You have raised two wonderful kids that are making the world a better place.
