These past few days have been really something.:icon_bigg I managed to drum up enough guts to share some of my feelings with a couple close friends of mine. Normally all our chitchat is pretty lighthearted stuff, but I knew them well enough that they were the kind of guys who would listen to most anything and not see it as a burden. I even brought that up in conversation, and hearing them say back to me "yeah, we'd listen to whatever you'd have to say and it wouldn't be a burden" made me feel really encouraged. I'd mentioned to one of them before that I "feel androgynous." I expanded upon that by saying, more accurately, I don't really feel like a guy. That feeling of being female is pretty strong with me, a solid 80% at least. And just like that I felt way lighter inside. Less dense and worried. Being able to say that to them, form intent in my head and words with my mouth and have them all come out in the right order, now I know it's something I can actually physically do. Not wanting to be a burden to my friends is a big thing for me; now I know they're really here for me after all and willing to listen more.
That sounds amazing! The whole concept of friendship is to form a connection with someone based on genuine interest and comfort. You should never feel as though you are being a burden to the people who care most about you. It is the connections that we form with people outside of our families, who have no moral obligation to care, that can be the most honest and pure in reality.
I'll remember this. If I can reach out to people online and ask for help, then I can do it in real life.
Yay! I'm so glad this went well for you! Coming out to close friends can be pretty tough, and positive reactions are always awesome. It sounds like you've got a good group there. Stick with them!
