One Year of EC: I Did It

As many of you may know, I posted a thread about whether or not to seize the opportunity and come out to my mom while my dad was away. Everyone there suggested that I go for it, and now I'm so glad I did.

Hot damn, it even got me to change my Mood for a day (but I'm still Tired).

After dinner, I sat back down with my mom at the dinner table. Usually, we just have dinner together while reading the newspaper, laughing at the stupid news, looking over the obituaries and sales, and enjoying it all. But tonight I brought a sketchpad I had already prepared the night before.

Before I get deep into it, know that I'm a terrible speaker. I get nervous and red-faced and choked up when I start talking about secret and/or personal things. Coming out verbally was out of the question. An email seemed too impersonal since she was already in the same house as me, and I couldn't write a letter and hand it to her as she read it, because I would have no idea when she finally got to the good part. So I got a giant sketchpad I've been saving for something, and I put it to use.

On each page, I wrote some minor secret about my life that I have never shared and assumed she hadn't found out about. Most of them are already in PostSecrets, but I added some new things like "I have never believed in a monster under the bed, but I did once believe that aliens would come in through my window". I sat across the table from her, silently, as I flipped through the pages. She laughed at some, passively agreed with the philosophical ones, and was a little surprised at others. One of the last pages told her that even though she had moved out of the house and into an apartment, I still thought she was a pretty good mom.

And...

I'm gay.

"Okay."

I wrote that I had never been in a relationship before so she didn't have to worry about that, I wrote that she still has my sister for grandchildren, and that I still didn't like fashion or drag or rainbows. I asked her never to use the words "choice", "lifestyle", or "abomination", which she confirmed she had never used anyway. I told her about PFLAG in case she had any questions, because she didn't ask me any other than "Do you dance?". She didn't ask if I was sure or if maybe it was just a phase, which I view as a positive thing. She thanked me for trusting her enough to tell her, hugged me a few times, and told me that all she wanted was for me to be happy, healthy, and honest. The rest didn't change anything.

Oh, and she confirmed that my aunt - one of her sisters - is gay, too. Somehow, I had already guessed that.

EC, thank you for your time, your support, and for listening.

 

Yes, really. I even prompted her for questions twice, to which she said that she had none. As we were leaving the table, I saw a fashion ad in the newspaper lying on the floor. I picked it up, wrote "I don't like style, either" and she asked me in a joking tone, "Do you dance?"

"No, but I whistle."