I made up my mind today to come out to my dad when he picked me up from work. And I did. I think it was easier telling him "[ ] is my girlfriend" than it would have been telling him that I'm a lesbian. He was supportive and said that he actually suspected something since we're really close friends. He asked if her parents know, I said yes, and he said she's always welcome at our place and he wants to get to know her better. As long as I'm happy and all that. Then he asked if I wanted to tell my mum. I wasn't planning on it but I decided to do it because I was already prepared and I wanted to get it all over with. I told her pretty much as soon as I got home. Her reaction wasn't as amazing as my dad's. I guess it was a success. She said she wasn't surprised, but she also joked about how stressed I was to tell her. I hate it when she says things like "just take a deep breath, you shouldn't be worried", as if I can just flip a switch and stop being anxious. She didn't seem to understand how difficult it was to tell her. But I feel so much better now. I don't feel like I'm lying to them any more and now I'll finally be able to hold my girlfriend's hand in the school hallway. Well, after I come out to one of my best friends, but I'm planning on doing that soon and I'm not worried about her. She said the other day that there was a lesbian couple at the restaurant she works at and they were cute, and it's not the first time she says stuff like that. It's just finding the right time to tell her. I'm not 100% out, there's still my brother and grandparents to deal with... But I think this is a milestone.
Congratulations. As far as your mom, it might help to understand that when people say things like she did ("take a breath, it shouldn't be a big deal"), they are actually putting up a wall, that they probably don't even understand they are doing, to their own feelings. And that happens because they aren't comfortable feeling strong feelings. I guarantee that the intent was to be supportive and caring, even though it was sort of a fail as far as empathy goes. I also guarantee that she will be processing this and thinking about it and I'm certain she'll be fine with it. We all want, expect, and need our parents and those close to us to be supportive and empathic, and those people aren't always able to be there in the ways that we'd like, because it's a lot harder than it seems to practice empathy, since it requires going to a place of their own discomfort in order to connect to yours. I'm glad it went so well with both of them, and it must be a huge weight off of your shoulders.
