My Coming Out Story Not sure how to begin this, but let me first introduce myself. My name is John and I’m from a city known as Dothan, Alabama. Yes, Alabama! Being an open gay here in the south is pretty tough. Where I live, almost every street corner has a Church of Christ of some sort with many believers that frown upon the whole homosexuality lifestyle. But, from what I can tell, many people who I have met in the 3 years living here are pretty accepting as long as we don’t draw too much attention (acting like a female) in their presence. So, pointing this back to myself… I live life to its fullest each day! I am currently working part time as an Advanced EMT at a rescue department about 20 miles from my home town and I am a full time student working towards a degree in nursing. But, let’s get to the main reason why I’m here. I’m here or basically typing this to explain to you my experience of coming out and that it does get better. Read on and see how very shy person like me who overcame many hurdles and built up my confidence. HERE WE GO!!! Let’s begin in middle school. I attended middle school (grades 7 & 8) in Ledyard, CT. I always had a feeling that I was different. While many of my guy friends were always talking about who they’re going to date or who they thought were very pretty, I was the one that sat there listening to them fantasize about being with these girls. I was always the one that congratulated my friends on the new relationships that they were only able to hold for a week or two (We are in middle school, how are these preteens supposed to know what love is?). Moving onto high school, I spent some of my time (9th, 10th, and 11th grades) in Ledyard. My freshman year, I was still trying to learn who I was. Having very little self confidence in myself, I chose not to come out to anyone… Throughout my grade school years, I was the FAT kid, yes I said it, I was the fat kid in school. I was always made fun of because of my weight and how unattractive I was, but honestly, during high school, it really didn’t bother me. I guess, with the stress of everything, I ate it all away. Just thinking about coming out felt like torture. During my sophomore year, I finally came to terms with myself and had found some good friends who I could really trust. I came out to a very few, and they were other gays that I met at a gathering called GSA (Gay Straight Alliance). GSA is where students of the LGBT community attended and many other students who supported them. While being a part of this group I learned a lot about myself and what it’s like to be the “other” person (basically the outcast because I’m not like everyone else). Later on that year, right around Thanksgiving-Christmas time, the University of Connecticut hosts a convention known as “True Colors”. It’s where high school and college student are invited to gather at the college to enjoy a fun day of get together with other LGBT people and to attend mini classes that talked about safety inside the bedroom, coming out stories (kind of like this) and many others. Before attending this convention, I was talking to a cool guy that went to NFA (Norwich Free Academy in Norwich, CT). After the beginning opening, we met up with some friends and attended the classes. And yes, this is where I had my first kiss! I was super nervous about the situation (as I’m sure everybody is their first time), but felt right at the same time. I hid this amazing milestone from everyone (well, mainly family and other non-friends). I was pretty afraid of what my parents would have to say about their son being gay—I always had the fear of letting them down. \ * * * Fast-forwarding to my senior year of high school—September 2011. (I’m sorry, not much really happened during my junior year other than basically hiding from my parents). Before the beginning of my senior year of high school, my family had relocated to Dothan, Alabama. Since my father was not happy at his previous employment (he worked as an engineer at a coal burning power plant), he was offered an instructor position at a nuclear plant just on the Alabama and Georgia state line. During my first month of high school, I learned quickly that this was not a place of where homosexuality was accepted (well, mainly in high school). It was a culture shock as well. The minority ratio was 5:2 blacks to whites, but let’s forgets that stuff. One day, right around the time of homecoming a girl, which I will not mention the name of, messaged me on Facebook about possibly going with her to homecoming (first off, I didn’t know her—we didn’t have any classes together). So one thing led to another, we ended up in a relationship that only lasted 5 months. During this time, I learned that being with her wasn’t a good thing for me. I had always kept a secret from her, and it was SUPER hard, so I broke it off. \ After graduation of high school, I worked for a local hospital in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) as a PCT (Patient Care Technician). It was a great experience, and I learned a lot and knew that medicine and nursing is where I wanted to be! But, during this time, I got back into a relationship with the same girl from high school. Our relationship lasted 14 months before, yet again, I broke it off. I was super depressed and felt like my mind and bodies were eating me because of being someone who I wasn’t really. It was a relief to be single and do what I needed to do to be happy and not keep tight of this secret. OK… I know I’ve written a lot so far, and here where it gets to the good part. As the end of 2014 came to an end, I turned 21 in September. It was great feeling—feeling more like an adult and less of a teen. During Thanksgiving break, the University of Alabama and Auburn University (if you don’t know, they are big rivals within the state of Alabama for football). I enjoyed myself a little too much and had gotten drunk with a bunch of work friends and my boss’s wife. After the game ended, we all hung out listening to music and doing some crazy dancing. At this point, it was eating me inside that I wanted to just come out with this big secret and after a short discussion with my boss’s wife (who knew that I was gay), I came out to everyone that was there, and let me tell you, WHAT A RELIEF! It actually felt good to finally come out and say “I’M GAY”. Everyone there was very supportive and very welcoming. The only set back now, was telling my immediate family. The next day (day after the football game), I took my sister aside and came out to her. And let me tell you the shock she had and how proud she was for me to come out to her. It felt good. Then later on that night, I came out to the rest of the family. They were very supportive and our relationship hasn’t change at all, from what I can see. It was the right choice for me to do this! NOW—looking back onto these last few months—I think one of the main reasons why I came out was of the built of confidence I received during my weight loss journey. In August, I decided enough is enough and I was tired of being fat. I have worked hard and lost a fair amount of weight so far with more to go! While, I had many friends give me the cold shoulder because of my sexuality, I had a lot more friends come forward and it made our relationship better! If you are someone who is reading this, I first want to apologize for the length of this. I guess, I could’ve just given you the highlights, but that would defeat the purpose of the struggles I embraced before coming out. If your struggling with your sexuality, I want to say, as well as for many other guys and ladies who have come out, IT DOES GET BETTER—I’ll say that again—IT. DOES. GET. BETTER. Trust me! Looking back on it today, I DO NOT REGRET IT and now I’m living everyday as if it was my last. No one knows when out last time on earth is and we just have to make every day a great one!
