I got around to telling my parents that I was looking to see a therapist if possible, and it only felt right letting them know. I'd gotten word from them time and time again that their love for me was unconditional, and I was testing the waters for this moment, when they asked what I wanted to see a therapist for. And I told them I was looking to ask questions about gender, to get professional advice. So they were both sorta teary eyed, but way more understanding than I had expected. I had nightmares about them laughing at me or getting angry so this was honestly a big relief, to see that my fears were just that, fears. Not realities. Anyway I'd told them that this was one of the reasons I'd suggested we be more honest to each other as close family members, because I wanted to help them out with anything they found difficult to share just as they helped me. And I wasn't going to be a hypocrite by keeping my gender issues to myself. My dad spoke up and said that if we were going to be a 100% honest, he said that it would be easier for him if I self-identified as a male with homosexual tendencies rather than a transsexual woman. "There's a lot that goes into that process," he says, "honestly, how would I feel about you wanting to take hormones, grow breasts, wear dresses, hack off your genitals? That'd take me a long time to get used to. I'm used to having one son and one daughter. But if it really came down to you wanting to do all that to be happy ... I wouldn't stop you, 'cuz fuck that shit." I still have a ways to go fully explaining myself to the both of them, but the ice is broken. And I know for a fact now they're not going to excommunicate me from the family. So right now I'm pretty relieved. I at least feel safe in my own house. It's a huge weight off my chest. Thanks EC for sharing me stories of people who were able to come out so that I could start too.
