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My Coming Out Story.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by ThatKaiGuy, Jan 22, 2015.

  1. ThatKaiGuy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi Guys,
    I'm new to EC, but i was looking for some LGBT forums to become a member so that i could perhaps help some people struggling with their sexuality, or even questions.
    Although fairly young at 21, i have been through most of the troubles you are worried about...

    I pasting this straight from my blog, but since linking isn't allowed to blogs i won't put a source either

    I hope you enjoy the read, and i am always available via PM to help out :slight_smile:

    This is my coming out story.

    It seems like everyone has one of these but I figured I can’t hurt anything by adding mine to the mix. After all, every tale is a little bit different, and every new voice out there is positive. At least, that’s my opinion anyway.

    So on with it. I came out when I was about 13 years old. I was in Year 8 or 9. A lot of people ask me to this day, “How did you know at such an early age?” or “That’s too young!” But I counter with the question, “How did you know you were straight?” I’m usually met with a sheepish stare because they realize they just knew. It was a part of them from day one.

    You know how you are certain taxes are never going away? Yeah, that’s how certain I was I had no interest in the opposite sex back then. That’s pretty damned certain, don’t you think?

    Since I was in school when I came out, you can imagine that I was bullied. It’s an unfortunate truth for many of today’s gay youth. Bullying is everywhere whether it’s in the school yard or portrayed in the media.

    Thankfully, I was blessed with a sharp tongue. I was never afraid to admit to anyone who asked if I was gay. I always replied, “Yup.”

    And if someone ever said, “Yuck, you like boys!,” I’d have a comeback ready for them.
    “You’re dad doesn’t complain,” I’d say.

    My absolute favorite goes as follows:
    Random Guy: So, you’re gay, right? Does that mean you get turned on at the sight of your own dick?

    Me: Do you get turned on when you look in the mirror? I mean, because you’re such a cunt an all?

    You could argue that I was intentionally trying to start an argument. However, I wanted to make it clear that I wasn’t going to take shit from anybody. I wouldn’t recommend this in every situation. You don’t need to be able to come to blows to stand up for yourself. You’ve got think about you safety, of course.

    However, you shouldn’t let people try to get you down or belittle you just so they can make themselves feel superior. Most bullies bank on the idea of you not being able to stand up for yourself. They assume you’ll take their harassment. If you show them otherwise, it will really throw them off their game.

    Life is too short for taking what bullies say seriously. It’s like I always say, if you can’t wake up each morning and look at yourself in the mirror and love who you are wholeheartedly, no one else is going to, either. It doesn’t matter if you’re gay, straight, bisexual, or what have you. This principle applies to humankind.

    But back to my story. I think I was the only kid “out” in my year at school. That is, until I started dating someone. He didn’t have it as easy as I did. He was picked on quite a bit.

    I’m not 100% certain as to why this is, but I think it has something to do with his shyness. He denied he was gay when people asked. That gives bullies more fuel, if you ask me.

    People are naturally afraid of what they don’t understand. If you don’t help them learn, they won’t ever let go of that fear. I’ve had a lot of people say to me, “You’ve really changed my outlook on gay people.” And while I don’t think you should have to act as moral educator to bigots, you can certainly make an effort to dispel rumors and ease people’s fears by being open. Your very openness shows you don’t have anything to hide. Being coy or shy implies you’re ashamed. And shame is based in fear.

    People pick up on other people’s insecurities and fears and use them as ammunition. This is why you should try to be as truthful and blunt about being gay as possible. It takes away their ammunition. A gun without ammunition can’t do any harm. Someone might be able to hit you with it, but that’s about it. It’s not going to be as hurtful or as critical as being shot. If you appear insecure about your sexuality, people are going to use that against you and try to injure you with it. Take away their power and they can’t hurt you. Plain and simple.

    If you’re a bit more shy than I am, it helps to have a small group of friends or at least one friend you can confide in. Finding that one person you can reveal your real self to is very important and may boost your confidence enough to share who you really are with other people.

    To be honest, I can’t really remember the first person I came out to. It sort of spread like wildfire through the school. Still, I had a friend I knew I could trust and tell anything to. That made a difference.

    That one friend was my best friend, Ryan. He’s more like a brother to me now. He’s everything a supportive friend should be. Seriously, so long as I don’t kill anybody, he’d never judge me and that’s an amazing feeling to have about somebody. To have that kind of trust and mutual respect. Usually, you can spot these kinds of friends from a mile away. They don’t pry into your business but are always there to listen if you need to vent or lend a hand if you need support.

    Moving on. I split up with that boyfriend I had and cried for the first time at school. My good friend Todd was the first to see the tears. So dramatic, I know. Thankfully, school went by quickly after that and I went to college in Southend. It was there I received the shock of my life:

    Everyone was queer as folk. I mean fuck. You get the picture.


    At least, that’s what it seemed like. College was so incredibly diverse. The only way you could stand out is if you had an arse growing out of your face. And even then, it was questionable if anyone would really notice.

    I came out to my parents very late in my life by comparison. I was 18 at the time and very worried about their reaction. My dad had never laid a finger on me, but he was your typical man’s man. He owns a construction company and had a knack for making people feel two-feet tall if he wanted to. I inherited my sharp tongue from him, after all.

    My mother is the most amazing woman I know. She’s got the best laugh and I never doubted for a second that she’d care about me being gay.

    It actually turned out to be the other way around. At least at first.

    My dad’s reaction was very positive. He said, “As long as you’re healthy,” and everything went right back to normal. My mum was a bit hurt that everyone else seemed to find out before her. I felt bad about that. I guess I took for granted the notion that she’d be accepting of me. In the end, she was accepting and loved me just the same.

    My parents can make jokes about it, which helps, too. Sometimes, my dad will say, “Oh, you forgot your handbag son,” and we’ll all have a good laugh.

    Eventually, I met my first partner and my first “real” relationship which span more than 4 years.. it ultimately was not meant to be but moved on, and everything is back on track

    If you’re sitting here reading this and having trouble with your own sexuality or the prospect of coming out, try not to over think it. Your sexuality is your own business, first and foremost. You don’t owe that information to anybody. Even so, you shouldn’t hold onto that piece of self-knowledge like a secret either. Doing so just gives off the appearance that you’re ashamed of that and this is what bullies use to torment gay youth.

    Human beings are funny and have a tendency to over think things. We get paranoid to the point of panic, even, over the littlest of things. Once you finally overcome whatever it is that has given you feelings of anxiety, you usually realize it wasn’t all that hard and it was never as big of a deal as you made it out to be in your mind.

    Before you come out, you’re likely more used to seeing “TV gays.” You know the type: very flamboyant and feminine. Sure, there are many in the gay community inclined this way, but for the most part, you’d never know someone was gay by looking at them. It’s just not that obvious.

    Before I came out, I thought most gays would work in the theatre, if you can believe it. Even so, most of the homosexual people I’m close to in London, are some of the most accomplished people I know. Their sexuality doesn’t even come into play in terms of their success. It just doesn’t matter.

    Now I want you to picture something for a moment. Imagine you met the love of your life and had an amazing date. However, you can’t tell anyone about it because no one knows about your sexuality. When you meet “the one” you’re going to want to scream it from the rooftops. I actually called my best friend right after my first date with my ex. Actually, I called him during it when I thought my date stood me up, but that’s another story. After my date, I went on and on about how amazing he is to my friend because I just couldn’t help myself. If you weren’t “out” or afraid of coming out, you wouldn’t be able to do this. Something that should be a happy moment would cause you anxiety and fear. That’s no way to live.

    There’s no need to rush coming out. All I’m saying is if you’re ready, do it. Don’t let bullies or narrow minded people hold you back or make you feel self-conscious. Go for it. You’ll feel better for it.

    “It Gets Better.” It really does. There will always be some idiot out there looking for an argument or looking to belittle you in some way. But you know yourself and can walk away. He is what’s wrong with the world, not you. Try to remember that.

    If you grew up in a small town without a lot of diversity, just know that there is a whole world out there waiting for you. Once you move away and start your own life, you’ll see it for yourself. There are people out there just like you. And that level of validation is worth waiting for.

    If you want more information about my journey or need someone to talk to, I’m available. Just use the PM functions above and I’ll reply as soon as I can. You should never feel alone in this world, because you aren’t. There are people just waiting to be your friend, to be your confidant. If you feel alone in your community, I’ll be here for you.
     
  2. ThatKaiGuy

    Regular Member

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    Out to everyone
    Just update

    Got back from my world trip and will be posting regularly
     
  3. 3n

    3n Guest

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    dude, friend me lol. Awesome coming out story! (i wish i was a brave as you)
     
  4. ThatKaiGuy

    Regular Member

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    Glad you enjoyed the read,
    PM me if you ever need any advice!

    Hah brave is relative to each person i guess, just stems from a strong sense of self belief i guess.