Came out to my strict Muslim parents. Need some help

A few years ago I was so deeply closeted I couldn't even imagine myself visiting an LGBT forum. Now I am here to share my coming out story (so far)! EC has helped me a lot, so maybe I can help someone else with my story. Sorry for the length.

Background:

My parents are both very religious Muslims (so was I as a kid). My mom is a Christian convert, so she's a bit more open minded. They're actually very calm and reasonable, so we're not your stereotypical Muslim family. I used to be really interested in religion, and my parents were proud of me. I even debated about Islam with friends and everything.. So one day, after some suspicion, they noticed I stopped praying (5x daily prayers), and they were shocked! I told them I was doubting, and eventually told them I'm agnostic and I don't believe in Allah (God) anymore.

They of course love me and want what's best for me (to see "the light" and return to Islam). Because they know they can't force me (I'm kinda rebellious), they tried debating with me to find out why I left religion. I usually just acted indifferent or left the conversation.
So 2 days ago (February 2nd), after dinner, they were trying to get me to open up again. My dad thought it had to do with God not answering my (materialistic) prayers, making me doubt his existence. He told me about how God won't always give you what you wish for because he has better plans for you and you have to accept that and thank him for what he gave you. I told him he was right, and told him to remember what he just said.

My brothers left the table and after some hesitation and saying things like "You're not gonna look at me the same way ever again" and "If I tell you, your hope of me returning to Islam will be gone", I told my parents:

"You want to know the reason I don't believe in Allah anymore... In one word; homosexuality."
They stared at me, without really reacting.
Mom: ".... Oh, so you're gay..." in a dissapointed voice
Me: "Yes, I'm a kinsey 6, biromantic, cisgendered."
Mom: "Whatwhatwhat??"

So I then calmly explained the entire sexual spectrum to them, then tried to clear up a lot of the prejudices against gays (comparing homophobia with Islamophobia, etc.). We ended up having a very mature, adult debate about it for 2-3 hours.

I knew I was gay since I was 12, but I kept denying and repressing it, trying to cure it. I tried praying, using CBT on myself (lying to yourself you're straight until it actually comes true) and classical conditioning (hurting myself (pinching my arm or biting my hand, nothing major) every time I got aroused to neutralize the feelings of pleasure with pain), but nothing worked. This went on for about 6 years (I'm 19 now). Eventually I started questioning why I would even need to change this..
Sexuality, compared to other religions, is VERY important in Islam. Marriage (the Arabic word actually means "penetration") is said to be HALF your religion. Abstinence is not allowed, because God knows our (natural) sexual desires need to be fulfilled and satisfied. This is why you must marry as young as possible. Having sex (inside marriage) is highly recommended, and not just to procreate. You and your spouse should give each other pleasure.

Except when God made you gay, then people think you're sick and you should die. I won't get into details, but this contradicts a lot of Allah's attributes and teachings, and since Allah can't be with contradiction (His own words), he cannot exist.

Anyway, long story short:

My mom had already suspected it, so she wasn't surprised. She said she thought it was horrible that I was gay, but that it's even more horrible what I had to go through all these years and that I went through it alone. A few tears were shed. She hugged me and told me she loved me, and that I should have told her sooner. Even though she's sad, she'll probably come around and accept it eventually.

My dad didn't see this coming at all. He basically says it's a (mental/psychological) disease, caused by an hormonal imbalance. 30 minutes later he said homosexuality is (somewhat) contagious, as people get bored with women and suddenly get attracted to this "trend". Because I'm a virgin, he thinks I'm still treatable because I haven't been "pulled in" or "infected" by the filthy gays.. :lol:

The next day he told me it's a disease caused by a lack of a father-son bond during childhood, meaning he's gonna blame himself. To be fair, he was kinda distant, so I used to be very angry at my parents when I still thought homosexuality was caused by your upbringing. In fact, my anger towards them has prevented me from developing a healthy relationship with them for years, so now I don't have a huge emotional attachment to them (or maybe I have repressed my emotions for so long I just don't feel anything anymore). So even if they didn't accept me, I wouldn't have a problem leaving. I'm glad they did though Also our financial situation is really bad, my brothers and I are basically paying the bills, so kicking me out wouldn't be really smart.

My dad's still convinced it's curable with hormonal treatment and therapy. After he did some research, he said medication won't work, but therapy definitely will. Naturally, they want me to get help, or at least try. He's not going to force me though, he is certain I will want this myself when I see the "irrefutable evidence" that it works.

I asked him what he would do if it won't work (or I don't get treated) and I get a boyfriend and I'm happy. After denying this possibility he said he's not gonna be happy, but he's not going to punish me, throw me off a building or break contact or anything. I'll still be safe and welcome at home, even though he'll be sad he "lost a son" and had different wishes for me. I said I did too, but apparently Allah thinks otherwise, and you have to accept that. (yes, I used his own words against him)

I said I understand you can't accept it and you're in denial. It took me 6 years to realize this is who I am, and another year to accept it of myself and a few more months to be comfortable enough to come out. When I came out, I was very confident as I had done my homework, and prepared this for weeks. All the historical, biological, anatomical, scientific, psychological and even Islamic evidence I threw at him, he basically denied, saying stuff like "how do you know gays existed before, maybe they got cured". It was kind of annoying :dry:

Anyway, now he doesn't want me telling my older brothers "because they're very religious" and because he thinks he's gonna get me cured. He's gonna show me some studies done by non-western "professors" that say its curable. He's not a fan of the western way of treating illnesses, saying they give up too soon and only treat the symptoms, and aren't open for alternative medicine.

So... Do you guys have any links to studies or something that could help me convince him?

Thanks

 

Thank you for your kind words! I'll keep updating as much as I can.

So today my dad told me homosexuality is not a disease, because God wouldn't make you gay, then put the death penalty on it. He is the All-Just, so this would contradict that idea, which was my point exactly. But no, he then continued to insist it's a mental disorder. He said 90% of gay men have AIDS (as punishment).. I honestly don't know if that's true, and what the actual percentages are.

He still has the idea that gays are sick, evil, filthy people corrupted by Satan to recruit as many people to their god defying cause. As long as I don't associate with gays, I can be cured. He's a conspiracy theorist and believes the Jews are behind this (just like everything that's wrong with the world). America apparently has a gay lobby that promotes LGBT acceptance and basically tries to put the idea that this is okay into people's minds. I completely understand his point though, I used to think lgbt rights activists were actually preventing people from getting cured, so naturally they're seen as the enemy.. Yes, I was pretty homophobic.. Took a while to see how wrong my thinking was, so understand they need time.

Thanks for the APA link, there's some useful information on there. My dad doesn't trust it though, in his mind the Jews and Americans are working together to deceive people with false information. They've apparently been rewriting history to make it seem like homosexuality used to be completely normal and has existed for thousands of years.

I actually don't think my brothers will make a huge deal out of it if they knew. Neither have been extremely homophobic, just the usual amount most ignorant religious people are. My dad's just afraid it will hurt our relationship. They're probably already suspecting it anyway, and they're somewhat open minded so I don't mind. I'm open for discussion.