Was telling my mom selfish?

So I did it.

It really didn't go as planned, but I'm pretty impressed I went through with it at all. I spent the entire weekend waiting for the right moment, and the right moment never came, so I just chose the last moment.

My mom kept asking me if I had a boyfriend when there were other people around: guests at our house, or when we were guests at the neighbors'. Neither was the right moment to reveal something I knew she wouldn't be happy about, so I was evasive: I hinted that yes, there was someone, and left it at that. For two days she kept bringing it up at impossible moments. I felt like I was lying and wouldn't ever get a chance to say it, except I'd promised myself it would be this weekend.

I had about twenty minutes left before leaving when my mom asked me, bluntly, if I "had someone new," and I said yes. She asked me why I hadn't wanted to talk about them before, and I said, "I'm not sure now is a good moment, since you're driving."
She sounded a little startled. "Why? Is it your ex again? Or is he Muslim?" (My mother would be ecstatic if I got back together with my (male) ex. As for the second question, well... I try not to dwell on that too much.)
I laughed, because she was so totally off-base, and told her there was no way anything would ever happen with my ex. "It isn't that."
"Well, what then?"
"I'll tell you when you're not driving anymore."
"Is it a teacher? Is it a girl?"

See, she was joking. She didn't mean it. I knew she didn't mean it. But I couldn't, I just couldn't lie outright when she asked so plainly.
"Yes, it's a girl," I said, almost relieved I hadn't had to say it first.
She laughed. "No, really."
I looked at her and said, "I swear it's a girl."
She wasn't laughing anymore. "No," she said again, and her voice cracked and suddenly she was crying. I felt awful. "No, you don't understand. I can't... I knew I could never... I can't, you can't ask..."
"Mom," I said, and I had no clue what else to say because she wasn't making any sense.
"It's not her, is it?"
"Who?" I asked, having literally no idea who she meant.
She gave the name of the girl I like, and I said, "What does it matter who it is?"
"You don't realize all the problems..."
"I'm not -- this doesn't make me a lesbian, you know? I still like guys. I just happen to like a girl right now."

You know, they say coming out bi is easier than coming out gay, but I'm not sure my mom got that memo. She cried, and I looked out the window and didn't cry and didn't argue, because I didn't want her to think it was something that makes me unhappy because it really isn't.

"I just don't understand you."
"There's nothing to understand. It just... is."

She didn't talk to me for several minutes. When I left, she hugged me very tight but still didn't say anything.
"I'm okay, you know?" I told her. "I'm all right and I'm happy."
She still didn't speak, but I'm kind of glad that was the last thing I said to her.

I'm happy she knows, because I'll never have to lie to her again, and I won't have to hear "Do you have a boyfriend yet?" from her anymore. I'm a little disappointed I didn't get to tell my parent, but I will, eventually. This is already huge.

On the other hand, I feel simply awful. I don't know what she's thinking, but I made her cry and I feel so bad for making her feel upset. She doesn't deserve that. She's an awesome mother, I'm so proud of her and the way she raised me, and I hate hurting her. And right now we've both hurt each other because we don't understand each other.

Truth is, I was expecting a better reaction. Now I know you can never predict this kind of thing. I knew my mom wasn't big on LGBT rights, but like I said in my last thread asking for advice, her little sister is gay and she loves her to death, so I guess I thought... I thought she'd be surprised, yeah, but that she'd try not to be hurtful. I didn't think she would be so frightened or whatever it is she's feeling that she would cry and not speak to me.
She loves me, she didn't insult me, but the underlying "Why are you doing this to me?" hurts a hell of a lot.

So here I am back at my apartment, reliving the moment and wondering whether I was right to tell her. Was it worth it, when all it did was make her cry? Isn't it selfish to hurt other people just to make yourself feel better?

TL;DR: I just came out to my mom, she's not thrilled and I feel guilty, please give me a hug.

 

Thank you! Really.
Yes, I guess she does need time. I'm confident it will be all right in the end, because I know she loves me. I just feel sorry it has to be so hard on her right now.

 

Thanks guys! I do know she loves me, so we'll see how it goes from here.