(!) Last night I was suppose to meet this girl from online at a concert. This was my first time ever meeting up with a girl and i was so nervous. She told me she was bringing a friend and i felt like i needed to bring someone with me. I did not know what to do because i was not out to anyone and didnt know how to get around it with out at least telling them who i was meeting. So i invited my friend, whom i have known since i was a child. Once we were on the way i became so nervous the closer i got to the bar. As my friend was talking i kept thinking how am i going to explain this girl and how i know her. Everything became so complicated with my little secret. When we arrived i felt so much anxiety and my friend looked at me and was like why are you so nervous are you meeting someone. In my head i started to freak out and began to ramble and then i just thought you know what just tell her. So i told her i was meeting a girl!!! Afterwards she just said ok. She was totally fine with it. She said she didnt care. I felt like this big burden was lifted off of me! The whole night i felt like i could truly be myself and not confined into this little "straight" bubble ive been in so long. Once we arrived in the concert, I thought how great i felt to have someone know. I thought about my uncle. I am the closet to him as anyone else in my family. So i sent him a text about how i didnt know how to say this but that i was gay and that i was scared. He sent back right away that he wishes he could be here to talk to me ( he lives across the country from me) and that i didnt need to be scared. He told me that he loved me and that he was gay himself. I have never felt so close to him after last night. After we talked for a while he told me of a story when i was younger and how he asked my why i liked baywatch so much. He said i told him it was because of all the pretty girls. Even now that i have came out to two people i still dont think i can come out to my other friends and family. But i am so relieved that i was able to come out to at least one friend and family memeber. Maybe one day i can fully be out but right now i cant.
Thanks i feel so happy right now! The concert was was fun but the girl i was suppose to meet i think got nervous and never approached me. I tried to find her through the crowd and texted her to see but never got a response. Not sure if she got second thoughts or not but i totally understand. But other than that i had a blast.
