Coming out to self

Hi my name is Glen and i`m Gay. I knew at 12 years old. I practiced it secretly for about 10 years, and stopped.
The main reasons at the time was I was afraid of getting AIDS or some other STD`S. and I didn`t like myself for it
I rejected it, lied to myself, denied it, repressed it. I pretented to be straight for many years.
The results= Depression, Anxiety, Mental, and emotional, and psychological problems, and hostility towards woman
occasional break downs... man I put alot effort into it. I had myself and the people around me believing it too.
Because of family and societal views and friends and coworkers and religious beleifs It was like no way Jose.
Rejection is awful and it hurts really bad.,especially when you have low selfesteem and a poor self image.
I would self medicate. On the outside nobody could really tell I was good at hiding and running... man the shame

Anyway I need to remind myself this is the edited version... so to make a long story short.
I recently came out to myself( The inner closet ) this time full circle with acceptance of who I really am.

I think what helped me in a interesting way was a Spanish person I met on the bus last year. I think she was lesbian. Bi or even trans. She indirectly hinted at liking woman, proably because she was not out, or at least not completely and didn`t know with me. We exchanged numbers
My texts were jugemental and all about pretending to be straight. When I met her the next day, she saw some friends and I was rude and didn`t want to meet them. That was it she didn`t want anything to do with me after that .=Rejection
she was cool and hung with gay guys, I blew a chance to talk to someone for the first time about the real me.

This started me on the journey of self discovery, the truth is I don`t like woman and I am not attacted to woman I`m Homosexual and like guys and just guys. I toyed with the idea of being Bi years back, because I wouldn`t accept the fact.
My sexual orientation is not a choice It`s who and what I am.I know now that I can`t change even if I wanted too.
There is no cure, it`s not a disease or a curse.I couldn`t pray the gay away.I am what I am. I love myself and I accept myself. I now have the courage to say I`m gay and proud.

Since accepting myself I feel like a prisoner that`s been set free, Liberated. The war is over, I feel a kind of peace. The stress and headaches are gone.
The shame is gone and I`m getting more comfortable. Pride is growing.
I like it yo. It feels good. I admit it... yes I am. I`m queer and want to come out to you guys in the LGBT online community of E.C. Still working through a lot of issues
Seeking friendship and support. LOL

My goal is to come out of the outer closet this year hopefully at some point. I want to be free and live my life as a out and proud gay man. Some issues to work through.
Mabey go to my first Gay pride parade here in MA were I live or NYC`s. I might be moving this year, unsure.