'Productive advice from my Limited Experience'

Hey Guys, I'm Dominic, and I'm currently living in the East Midlands in England. This is my story, and the entirety of it so far. I once made an account on these forums but later just regressed back to casually reading other's posts. It's been 2 whole years since then, which doesn't seem long, but you know, dog years and all that. Anyway, Here's my incredibly long story, kudos to you if you read all of it, if not, I'll put a TL;DR at the end so don't worry. :eusa_danc

My teenage years started off with a firm assumption of my sexuality, or of my homosexual orientation. It all started off with a strange and unprecedented crush on Steven from Eastenders (Hot), and to be honest took me by surprise. My uncle was gay, and my family were nowhere close to homophobic. This didn't stop him being the butt of all of the jokes to do with the LGBT community at parties and the like (pun not intended) which led me to adopt a negative attitude towards myself.

This negative attitude, aided by negative attitudes to homosexuality through word of mouth and opinions of people none-the-wiser, carried on further through the years, all whilst I explored this very same website. It was generally in binges of self-hatred and pity that I brought myself here, to read the beautiful and enlightening stories I heard from all of the people brave enough to let the world know a part of themselves. It was only when I became 15 years old and had a particularly large bout of hatred and denial that I finally created an account. This was my lowest point, a bout in where I had genuinely and wholeheartedly believed that committing suicide, and removing my abomination of a presence from the universe would stop all the hatred and anger I had built up in myself
and allow the overwhelming and overflowing feelings to escape. I made a thread, a sort of silent cry for help to the community that i had been perusing for the past year or so. (It was only today that I re-logged in and saw this again, here's the link! http://emptyclosets.com/forum/welcome-lounge/91855-hi-there.html)

After I made the thread, and saw that there was a whole world of people like me, and that yes - they were real people, I felt a great alleviation and knew that, in the end, i'd make it and something to do with the platform of communication had made that all the more obvious. It helped me realise that all of us have been and are going through this together and separately, and it made me finally feel like a whole being.

If you've read my original thread, I'm about to update you on some of the more interesting, to the most mundane differences in my life since that day.
You'll see that first I told the 3 people I was bisexual, which I regret but had to be done. I appreciate there are some issues with some people's perception that bisexuality is illegitimate, and that by coming out initially as bi and later coming out fully, I am only perpetuating people's opinions and I agree that it is harmful to that extent, and for that, I apologise At the time of the thread, I regarded the 3 people as the 'best people i could have ever known' and while they had supported me through this, some things happened after which i will oh-so-surely be letting you know about (&&&)

The first person I told took it very well, and after this became one of my best friends. We became close in a group of my friends, none of who I told until I publicly came out. We would party, and drink, and sometimes I would 'frolick' with a girl, to keep up appearances and all that. But, I digress. We were friends all the way up until now, where we rarely speak, and I can only hope I'll see him in Tesco in 15 years and get a solitary head nod. Quite a boring one really, compared to the other two anyway :tears:

The second person I came out to was that guy. He was my cliché 'crush on the straight best friend'. I don't know where to start with this guy. At the time he meant everything to me, you know how it feels. He was my kryptonite in every sense of the word, and he to date has unknowingly broken my heart more times than I can bear to think of. After I came out, we became great friends. He'd had a girlfriend at the time, but has been single and without a random party hookup ever since I came out. Obviously this just intensified my feelings, in which this website became the subject of many anonymous threads in my name with stupid questions. This led me to be a walking cosmo flirting guide when I was around. I told him, and it didn't go well. He told a girl about me, and called me 'creepy' to her. Anyone ever been in that position will know all too well how I felt. Me and the girl were good friends, so she let me know. My world came crashing down around me and I felt like a complete fool. I'd just been outed by the person I trusted most in the world. After this he'd sent really heartwarming and sincere apologies to me, and respected that he was a complete douche. Me being me, I said it was fine and that everyone deserves a second chance. Over the years, we stayed good friends, and even went on holiday together a couple of times. We'd kissed in America, and we'd had plenty of romantic moments and cinema dates, but it tended to be very tongue in cheek and never how I'd wanted. It took me a long time to realise I was wasting my time on this guy, and in the end I resolved to appreciate the guy for him sticking by me when he did and being there for me when I needed it. To this day we're good mates and keep in contact regularly.

And the third. Oh the third guy.. About two months after I came out to him, we never spoke again. This is a hard situation for me to even type about, but I feel like I owe it to others who've been in this situation to let you guys know. I don't know how open I'm allowed to be here, but I'll try to keep it discreet anyway. Here it goes -
One night The third guy was having a party at his house. i got there and, me being newly 16 and thinking I was everything, got blackout drunk and ended the night puking all over myself in the bathroom, and sleeping in the bath tub. Little did I know that this guy had been harboring a sexual curiosity of his own, and it was only when my other friend ( the 2nd guy) came into the room into a protective flippant rage and stopped this guy attempting to rape me, that he stopped him. At this point he'd been trying for at least half an hour, and I was struggling to stay conscious, let alone withhold this predatory person. It was then that the 2nd guy took me back to his house, and consoled me and looked after me until I felt oky to go home in the morning. This was a horrific experience, and I've no doubt people go through worse. But I was lucky, and I implore all those who have been through less or worse than this to not let these awful experiences define them as a person. I'm only 18, but i've met and seen enough people to know that some are horrible, and if you can keep others from affecting how you feel as a person then you've done yourself a justice. I didn't report this person, but I no longer have any contact with him on any platform. I cannot emphasise enough - You are free to scream or shout for help if you feel there is a forceful advance on your person. It is never right for someone to make an unwanted advance on you.

This is all of the people who I came out to as bisexual, until I matured enough and felt myself ready to tell my parents, and ultimately the world a new part of myself. It's a massive step, and almost always a brave one. I'd say never come out until you're ready, and that if your parents seem unaccepting, you have someone or some financial aid to support you. The world is not always accepting, and people will not always have your back.

I'm extremely lucky to have encountered a severe minority of truly homophobic people, only really ever seen videos of the WBC en masse on Youtube. (they were on Jeremy Kyle, it's great - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGbg5rOPQCQ&list=PL66D86CA09489F0E8 )

My life now I generally waiting to go to university and really start my life. I can't wait to see what lies ahead of me and I find the prospects unimaginably exciting. I'm hoping to move over to the USA at some point in life and possibly spend my life there once i'm secure and done with university. I'm going to university to study Psychology and I also can't wait to see what awaits me there.

All in all, the things I've really learned and grasped in the time since I started that thread (Cheese Alert) Is that the world is NOT all sunshine and roses, and that your life will have downs, you will feel sad and you will come to bumps in the road. But to all of you young people out there who can relate to my story, Imagine if I had ended it all? I never look back now and I love the idea of my future. I implore you to seek someone or something to give you a staple of hope, and I want you to know that you may not reply, but if reading this can help one person to know that in such a short time, things can get infinitely better, then I have succeeded in my aims of writing this extraordinarily long post. I love you all.(*hug*)

TL;DR I was really sad about being gay and then eventually everything got better. Always stick it out. Love Dom(!)