Out to mom

So I finally told her last night. Funny thing is that I really expected her to take it better than she did.

So we sat down for dinner, and I said "I want to talk to you. Theres something I've been wanting to tell you. I hate to keep secrets from you, it's not fair." My voice was shaking and I was so nervous I almost threw up.

So I told her and she was shocked. I didn't think she would be, mainly because I never shut up about gay rights and it's probably one of my favorite topics of conversation and I talk with her all the time.

The worst part of the conversation was that she said she was second guessing herself as a parent. I told her that I think I turned out pretty damn good as a person so far. I acredit the almost wholy to her as my mother, but that this was something that was all me. She said I could say it until I was blue in the face, but It didn't mean she wasn't going to wonder if it was her.

She said she was disappointed that I might not have the normal future I would get if I was straight. I explained that that din't mean I wasn't going to be happy or that I would be denied anything I wanted. I would be with someone who loves me and makes me happy and treats me right, and thats the most important. She seemed to like hearing that.

She seemed upset that all my friends knew along with my sister before she did. I explained that the reason for that was because she was more important. If my friends don't accept me for who I am, quite frankly I can find new friends, no matter how heartless that might sound. That with the fact that the odds I'm ever going to see them past highschool are slim, excpet a few, made it easier to tell them. Sitting down with my mom, where even the .1% chance she was going to reject me was 10bajillion times scarier was so much harder. She seemed to understand.

I told her that I was here to answer any questions she may have, any at all. She odviously still needs more time, but I hope I did it the right way. I still need some time. I hope I don't regret it, but that depends on the next few days. I'm pretty sure it's going to get better though. I'd like to believe the hard parts over.

Thanks a million you guys. This place is amazing.(&&&)

 

I don't think I'd ever take it back, I know who I am. I told her that even if it was a phase, this was who I am right now, and this was where I'm at. I thought it was a phase at first, but this phase of puberty usaually lasts between 3-4 months, not 3 years like me.

At least I got it over with. I guess it can really only smooth out from here right? ... I hope.

 

Thanks you guys, thanks so much. She seems to be ignoring it right now, and when I went to have one of my uasual conversations about gay rights with her, she just kinda rolled her eyes and clamed up. That kinda hurt, but I guess she just needs some time.

I wore my huge "HOMOPHOBIA IS GAY" shirt and she kinda laughed which was good. My sister is going to talk to her today and see how she's taking it. I think I might get her some PFLAG stuff for her, as soon as she decides to talk to me about it.

You guys are angels. <3