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My best friend recently came out of the closet but I have a crush on him :(

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by IntrovertedMe, Apr 14, 2015.

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  1. IntrovertedMe

    IntrovertedMe
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    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Be warned this is a longish story.

    I'm a straight female with a male best friend of four years.

    A few days ago he recently admitted to me that he was gay. I've begun suspecting he was gay about a month ago when I research the topic closeted gays and my suspicions were spot on. He has been in denial since he was a teenager (he's in his late twenties now) and was afraid to come out for various reasons. I was apparently the first person he told because we are close.

    Generally I would have accepted him as I have a gay sister and another gay male friend. I have nothing against gay people whatsoever.

    But our friendship has been based on lies because of this: the past year we've started becoming very affectionate towards each other and I began to develop feelings for him. Now this happened before I started to suspect he might have been a closeted gay. We would hug each other and generally be affectionate to each other. He also had liked to grope me (never below the waist) So basically he's lead me on with his hugging, groping and we have kissed once or twice. I never once suspected he was gay last year but just the past month and he still let it happen. I wish he came out when we first met so that I would have avoided all this heartbreak. I'm broken and we are still friends. The tight hugs are still happening and he knows I have feelings for him. What should I do?
     
    #1 IntrovertedMe, Apr 14, 2015
  2. IG88

    IG88
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    Maybe he was trying to see if he was any bit of straight by groping a female (you). Maybe he did think that he was straight or bi, and was, like you said, in denial about it for a long time. Was he leading you on? Possibly from an outsider's perspective, but from his view I'm assuming he wasn't intending to do that.

    That's too bad that your crush is gay, but there will be other guys out there for you who would be able to give you all of their attention. From here on out, I would make it clear to your friend that friendly hugs are ok, but nothing beyond that for reasons that you already mentioned.

    P.S. that was not a long story at all :slight_smile:
     
    #2 IG88, Apr 14, 2015
  3. IntrovertedMe

    IntrovertedMe
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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    He admitted today he groped because he was trying to convince himself he wasn't gay, which isnt fair on me or on him. We are both trying to come to terms because our friendship is very complicated atm. He's not going to come out to his family just yet, just close friends.
     
    #3 IntrovertedMe, Apr 14, 2015
  4. IG88

    IG88
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    Hmm, I'm glad he was honest with you. Yeah, it wasn't right what he did. But I can sympathize with his wanting to make sure whether he was gay or not. Perhaps he could have found a different girl to try that on, idk. But that's in the past and there won't be a future friendship if that situation will never be lived down.

    Are there additional things that are complicating the relationship?
     
    #4 IG88, Apr 19, 2015
  5. IntrovertedMe

    IntrovertedMe
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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Actually yes. I only found out today that he didn't come out to me first. He came out to this other guy (Who is straight) a guy he has only known for four months (they are classmates in college) so he lied to me. It is the lying and deception I cannot cope with. I thought I knew my best friend.
     
    #5 IntrovertedMe, Apr 22, 2015
  6. IG88

    IG88
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    Ah yes that would be annoying. You said in your 1st post that you were apparently the first person he's come out to. Maybe you assumed this.

    Now that he has come out to you, emphasize trust between him and you. Otherwise you should tell him that you don't want to be friends with a liar.
     
    #6 IG88, Apr 26, 2015
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