It's a longish story. So, to start off, my family left for about 3 weeks on vacation. I stayed because I had work. Grandma, doesn't like tattoos, piercings, etc. She's old school. She accepts people but it's easy to see that she doesn't like things out of her control. I had a falling out with an old bestfriend about a year ago because, well... life was changing, we were changing. Girlfriend came between us. Blah blah blah. She contacted me about a month ago, apologizing for any trouble she caused and that her and my old friend would like to have me in their life again. I was invited over for dinner. I've always known I liked guys but feelings seemed to fade in and out all through my life. I've always dated girls because it was normal but I always looked at guys and wanted to hold their hands and kiss them, etc. I was a scene kid. People might talk shit on scene kids but they're some of the most accepting people I've ever known, and there lied my reasoning. I didn't always "know" I was different. It was always there but I ignored it because it's easier to follow social norms. I'm still not sure if I even like girls like that anymore. I don't know if my last relationship left a bitter taste in my mouth or if I was ever really into girls beyond the fact that it's normal. I can't remember ever thinking I had a girlfriend that I honestly thought was as attractive as most guys I'd noticed like that. I've always tried to appreciate everyone's beauty for what it is but men do it better for me, whether they're being a bearded, studdly guy, or if they're completely fem. Even girls that I notice are very attractive, I don't feel sexual tension anymore, which I used to. (Th'ere's still a little bit, but at this point, I think it's only left over from being the way I was. Practice makes it second nature.) My family got home a few days ago. I was able to hide the hand tattoos that I had gotten a few weeks back, for a few days. Before heading to my old friends house to hangout for the day, I was just talking with my mom around the house. Marijuana got brought up and, for some reason which I've forgotten, I mentioned that the only reason I would give a homeless person some ganja is if it was an old hippie or if "it" was "someone" cute. My mom looked at me and went "a girl, I hope." That's just how she talks. My mom is open minded, hence why I decided to tell her. I faced her but my eyes looked up and away as I hesitated and said, "well, yeah..." A silence fell over me for what seemed to be minutes on end. It was about 3 seconds, if that. I told her "since you brought it up, I like guys." I told her about how she raised me to see no color or gender. Love is love and you can't help who you fall for. I spaced for a minute and started shaking with nerves. She told me that I wasn't surprising her, which I've never been sure if I came off that way. I don't come off that way to most people but when I'm around my bestfriend (different person) or her I let my girly side show with my gestures. The way I sit or lean on the couch, how I play with my hair, whatever. I've been wearing hair ties around my wrist at work and home. It's become a way for me to put that out there without being obvious, until I'm ready. I feel like I'm hiding myself otherwise. I just want this whole fiasco to be over with. , In the end, she told me she doesn't care and that she loves me no matter what. I didn't expect any different, but it's hard to judge others when you don't know whats in their head. I've still got a ways to go but now that I know my mom's got my back, I'm feeling a little more at ease. After going through that, I headed off to my friends for dinner and a smoke sesh. Great timing. We hung out and caught up. I crashed over there and continued on home. On the way home I got to hear about the giant fight that happened and how lucky I was not to be there. AND NOW... back to the house to see everyone. I hid my tattoos for about 45 minutes until I just told my grandma about them. I was nervous because they're hand tattoos. I didn't have any visible ink in an area like that yet. She took it well. Said it's my life and I can do what I want with it. It's been an interesting weekend. I regret nothing. Maybe I'll find a man of my own some day.
Congratulations on telling your mom! I'm glad that she is supportive of you. It's also great that you were able to meet up with your old friends. Hopefully, you'll see them more now that you've made up.
