Hi all, Im a newbie and just outed forlike 17mos since I had my current boyfriend(closet) I just want to seek some advice regarding my situation, because Im getting frustrated so here is my story... growing up I always knew im attracted to guys but during highschool days and my college i tried to get into a relationship with girls I had 4 exgirlfriends and I love them but deep inside I still felt incomplete. So when I started working considering the job that i had is dominated by LGBT. I decided to become single and stayed in the closet for a little more still trying to convince my self im straight though some people who has nose for closets is thinking i have a chance to be one.. until this guy which ill call "M" came along, he became part of my team and unexpectedly we became very close friends, M was very snobbish but we always go out together with my team mates we have a few drinks and then go home. during his first few weeks with the team everyone is suspicious because of how he speak and act. M is very intelligent as a matter of fact he is an aspiring team leader maybe that's why i got attracted to him. His dad died when he was in high school so he lived with his mom and two younger sisters. He is very responsible and when it comes to his peer ( his highschool and college friends) he is like the adviser of the group and his friends keep running to him when they need money which is not of a big deal to him. 3 months passed when M entered our team. We have this gay officemate that always teases us that we are getting close and we are like a couple until one day I came back from vacation. I got jealous when I knew that gay friend and M when to watch a movie without me. I became totally confused. I dont know yet if I have feelings for M already until he tried to talked to me and told me that I shouldnt avoid him and he was just cornered thats why he agreed to go. to cut the long story short He was also feeling something for me already. Now Dec 2013 we decided to became officially a couple as "partners" we dont want to call it boyfriend because its too girly. So M and I decided to stay "bisexual" only meaning we are still open to women until mos passed and im realizing that I like men more than women. my perspective changed my act changed a little. my team mates already knew our relationship but not yet our family( but i think my mom and dad is having clues already but they dont know unless they ask). Im becoming comfortable with who I am thats why I started to tell my closest friends about me and my boyfriend. They were shocked at first but accepted me for who I am. I guess Im lucky but as to my exes I dont think its necessary for them to know. M and I is not living together because of our families. We still have responsibilities. Im helping my mom and so he is he. but thats okay. We are now 1 year and 5mos as a couple M dont introduce me to any of his friends yet except this one girl in his group but thats it. Yearly he has this straight guy friend Justin that came home for vacation because he lives in the Middle east. All of his college friends (which are all straight) will arrange a reunion and got to bars or house party and get drunk till dawn. Im trying to understand that because its how they bond eversince as he told me they love to drink and catching up. but there is this one time i got really mad because he went outside and tried to hide it from me. they even go to strip bars. I got really mad with this Justin I hated him until now i feel like he is the reason why we fight because i cant forgive him bringing M to those places which I mentioned before but I can't blame him though because he dont know I exist. M explained to me that He knew I was going to hate it that's why he lied. And just this recently we have this huge fight that almost go for a cool off because he is going out of town with this Justin again and I have to admit im really jealous I understand that couples needs space sometimes but I just find it unfair. I felt like he is choosing his friends over me. Im really dissappointed. He admitted that he is coward and unfair and asking for forgiveness. Now he is out of town. and im getting paranoid that he might cheat or find a girl who can make him turn back. I can feel that he is not yet comfortable because he doesnt even want PDA or even posting in social media. But awhile ago I cried because I just saw his posts in facebook having a good time out of town but last year when we went for vacation he didnt even post more than 5 photos and take note this photos are just about the places not us included. it hurts a lot to me because I want to feel that he is proud of us. I love him that's why even though its hard for me to understand him being a closet side. im trying to fake it until i make it. am I putting pressure on him to come out? am i moving to fast? I feel like we are not on the same page anymore. any advise? it would mean a lot. thanks
Calling yourselves "boyfriends" is not girly at all, IMO. I think it takes a lot of balls to call someone your boyfriend if you're a guy. Shows how much you've MANned up. (I'm kidding. But the first sentence is all that matters. And bekiboxer05 (great reference to that TV Show I never watched), I'm confused with this "bisexual" phase thingy. Are you really both bisexual or you're just "bisexual"? If you need air quotes every time you say that you are a bisexual, that means you're using it as a mask. I don't get why you gots to cover it up. (I guess I sorta get it. Maybe claiming your "bisexual" makes you feel "manlier". Notice the use of quotation marks.) Nothing wrong with being gay. Does not make you less of a man, if anything. And also, beki/bakla/bading =/= gay. Now to M, I guess you need to lay off of him, but clear up that he needs to make it up to you when you get together. Spending time with friends is fine, and I think we need that, but if it gets too much, you need to set up boundaries when too much is too much. Coming out is hard, even in this day and age in the PH. You don't have to rush him, as much as you need not to rush yourself to come out. You are a couple and you need to work this out. You need to tell him what you want, and he shall comply. But also take into consideration what he needs as a half of your relationship. It can't be all just you. Also, if he's "bisexual", you need not worry about girls. He's "bisexual" for chrissakes! You don't turn back with a flick of finger. There's no switch when it comes to sexuality. And strip bars should be no problem if he is, I must reiterate, "bisexual". With the Facebook thingy, it's natural for him to not want to post pictures of you two, especially when it gets really "friendly". That should not define your relationship with him. He needs to be out to be fully comfortable with sharing such content with friends, and family. And so do you, because think if he tags you in those pictures and your parents see? You would want to come out in your own pace, and if somebody does it for you without your consent, it's baffling and maddening. To finish this long ass reply, work out your issues as a couple. There's so much for you two to talk about, and it can get really complicated as both of you are still not out. A date night conversation would be great. I think you can both work this out. I do recommend both of you to stay in EC. There's so much to learn for both of you, and you can always ask around for help, and you can express yourself freely here no problems. Best of luck! ---------- Post added 24th May 2015 at 11:19 PM ---------- Where are my manners? WELCOME TO EC!
Hi nohalos, thanks for the reply! uhm for the "bisexual" thingy I agree at first I thought it would just make the relationship "cool". but my boss and the gay friend thought its just for show, they strongly believe we are gay. I already accepted it and like I said im getting comfortable, a lot of our common friends already knew as a matter of fact they consider me as the girl in the relationship haha but M he still in denial, its just weird that he is the one who introduced me to m2m porn during our first weeks, I actually discovered that he downloaded it years ago (can you believe that? im good in catching things) before we met, so I asked him about that and he told me it was for a friend in their group and they were about to put a joke on this "friend" that's why he downloaded it and put in on a dvd because they are thinking he is gay and I asked again who are these friends? (im thinking are they your college friends or your highschool friends?) I cant remember he even answered that question because he tried to change the topic and from time to time he always insists that he is still open to girls, he says lets not limit ourselves and I should not become too ideal, that he cannot guarantee well be together at the end but we will try to make this work which I think an adding factor im not feeling secured. Im reading some threads here and they say a closet boyfriend is having a hard time too but why does he look like he is enjoying his vacation now without me? and awhile ago he texted me goodnight around 3am and i replied I expressed the need that i miss him and he didn't even call. I think he slept because he is drunk again. :dry: haiiii this is hard nohalos haha i just want to laugh.
Hm, it seems like he's not even out to himself, or he might be still open to girls. He only knows. But anyway, you should really talk to him about being open to others if you're not comfortable with it. This relationship might not work if one side keeps it open and the other keeps it closed and monogamous. It should go both ways. As far as I can tell, the "bisexual" thingy for him is obviously a front. He's afraid that being gay makes him less of a man, that's why he puts up this manly image when he's with friends. No surprise he didn't call you, as he might get caught. I feel bad for him though, as all of my bros from University are actually accepting, and one even tried to hook me up with his friend. LOL Oh lawd there are lots of threads here that are really funny! Or you can watch RuPaul's Drag Race instead. That show is hella funny!
