My second coming out took place yesterday. I don't know whether I feel :icon_bigg or :icon_sad: ... a little bit of both. Yesterday, I met my friend at my old college, where she now studies. Our conversation turns to a male professor that we both find quite intriguing. Said professor and I grew quite close last year, and now my friend wants to know if I fancy him. I admit to liking him for his intelligence, and she seems eager. "Oh, I think he likes you too!" she says. Then she suggests I ask him out. At the point in a conversation when the notion of dating men emerges, I usually play it cool. But this time I feel too bottled up to allow myself to avoid the truth that has been wallowing inside my heart for months. "Only problem is I don't find him attractive," I say. Astounded, she asks me why. After attempting to give some hopelessly vague answers, I muster the courage to say, "I don't feel attracted to men in that way." Ever-perspicacious, she understands almost immediately. She knows my thought processes, and thus asks effective questions. "Do you ever want to get married?" she asks. I shake my head assuredly. "No," I say. "I don't think I would make a good wife." Her eyes are wide with surprise, interest, and understanding. "Would you be a good husband?" she asks. My heart is racing at this point. I am uncomfortable in these familiar surroundings, and am reminded of the times I walked these halls with hesitancy the weight of a stone in my chest. "Yes," I mutter. She flashes a sympathetic smile. "Is this the first time you tell somebody?" she enquires. "Yes," I admit. (I came out to my ex-boyfriend over text, so this is the first time I have come out in-person. And it's much more intense this way.) She tells me she has loads of bisexual and lesbian friends. I joke that I'm jealous of that, because I have none. I have very few friends in the first place. She then jokes that we should go to a strip club. I ask her where, and she says Las Vegas. This makes me laugh. I realise that this is a great reaction; being able to joke about it. Towards the end of our conversation, a cheerful girl approaches us. She asks my friend for a coin for the bus. I reach for some in my pocket and give it to her, unusually altruistic. She thanks me. My friend then comments on the girl's cross necklace. "God," the cheerful girl says. My friend replies that she doesn't believe, but that she respects every religion. "So do I," says the girl. "Black or white, whatever you like, I don't care," the girl says. "I love everyone equally," she continues. She goes on to list the differences between people, then highlighting the similarities. "We are all equal," she concludes. I am touched by this apposite and impromptu assurance, and can't help but draw parallels between my giving her a coin and she giving me faith. ------------ So, there's that. A little heart-warming story. I'm grateful for this friend of mine (and the cheerful girl). Also, I'm happy how this turned out so well despite being completely unplanned. I had never thought of coming out so soon to someone like her, i.e. a female friend that isn't in my circle of trust. I had always thought that it would be the hardest to come out to these friends; that, as straight women, they would feel either threatened or uncomfortable. But my friend proved me wrong. :icon_wink Before yesterday, I was only out to my ex-boyfriend. So, now I'm out to two people (and the internet, anonymously). Two down; lots more to go. :eusa_danc I still stand by my decision not to tell my mother until I am in a serious relationship. (But - who knows? - she might as well prove to be as accepting as my friend. But that's highly unlikely and a matter of concern for another day...)
A nice story indeed, and highlights the truism that it is often easier to come out to less-than-close acquaintances. I first came out to a co-worker I can trust, and the reaction was terrific. More importantly, this helped to build confidence and made it all the more real! Keep on keeping on, before you know it, everyone will know it!
