So I told my best friend yesterday about my asexuality + I don't like guys just girls, and she was super supportive and helped me talk about it (because I found it waaay harder than I thought I would and ended up being this big stammering mess) and instead of feeling a big relief after telling her I just felt really anxious and almost regretted the whole thing? I'm not sure if it's because I was disappointed in myself for not being able to explain myself properly, I ended up sending her a huge text afterwards explaining things better (texting about it is a lot easier than talking haha!) and she was amazing about it and v. supportive, but yet I still felt pretty crappy and felt like crying. Is this normal? I've only ever read about people feeling relief or super happy when they come out and I didn't really feel like that at all.
I didn't feel the greatest when I first came out. Sometimes it feels weird not having to hide anymore. It almost feels like a loss to not have that secret to yourself anymore. Once I became used to that, it was much easier for me to come out. Also, as time goes on, you'll get better at explaining things I know that the first time that I came out, I could barely say the words. Now I can go into deep explanations of my gender identity and sexuality and how I realized both.
I don't know it's 'normal', but I know of quite a few people who have felt like that. Most say that once you come out it feels like a weight lifted off you, not for me, I just felt weird for about 2 weeks after. I don't know how to describe it other than just weird and uncomfortable.
I also think its the whole saying it out loud makes it a Real Thing which I found super scary. I'm just going to take it slow and come to grips with things a bit better before I come out to some of my other friends. I would like to be able to explain it properly without being a wreck! Thanks for replying! ---------- Post added 11th Jun 2015 at 07:09 PM ---------- I totally felt worse if anything, but I'm so used to keeping things to myself that it was weird to talk to someone about it. I don't know if I maybe needed more time to process things properly, but I'm still feeling pretty weird about the whole thing. I'm not regretting it thankfully, but it's still not feeling like a weight off my shoulders haha. I'm just glad I'm not alone in this!
That's pretty much the same for me, I've never 'let people in' to my life, my friends and I all get on great and I'm still a very strong extrovert, but I have never ever let inside feelings like that out before.
When I came out to my sister, it happened after an argument. And I literally interrogated her via text, before I came out to her. I felt like actual shit for days. We talked about it for over an hour, yet no matter how much she said she supports me I still didn't feel good about it. I thought it weirded her out, I still kinda think it does. It's perfectly normal to feel the way you feel, it's kinda like a sense of guilt. But you did nothing wrong. After a while, it will feel normal again between you and your friend. You'll see. <3
Well, the reason that some of us feel relief is that we build it up into something larger than it is in our minds, and once we've come out, we no longer have to deal with illusory fears but have a real thing to deal with, which is a lot more manageable. It may be that your parents didn't have the best reaction, but it's a real reaction, not some nightmare invented in your mind. Rather than living it over and over every night, you live it once, and you deal with it once. It's the abolishing of an irrational fear...and not an irrational fear to be ashamed of but one we all--well, many of us--have. I hope things improve for you. You have a lot more control, now. I would focus on that.
