I need to talk about what happened to me

Hey everyone. I found this forum today after googling "disowned due to being transgender." and looking for some help or advice. I apologise if this post is badly written. It is very difficult for me to talk about this.
I am in a safe situation now and I do not live with my parents anymore.

Trigger warning for : self harm, suicide attempt, physical violence

Two years ago I came out as ftm to my mother. She reacted awfully, told me I ruined her life, and would not speak to me for weeks. This was when I was 16, so I decided to wait until I was in a better situation to come out publicly and to my dad, sister and the rest of my family.

A few months ago my dad came into my room at 1am. I was disoriented and confused as he woke me up. He was very very drunk and proceeded to ask me a lot of questions about being transgender and began to tell me I am disgusting, an abomination etc.
I was trying to explain the best I could, but I was tired and confused and upset.

He got very agressive. He told me to come with him. He started getting more and more agressive and telling me to come with him. I was very scared at this point and kept refusing. I finally said if he didn't fuck off I would scream and wake the rest of the household up.

He finally went away. I cannot explain the mental state I was in. I already had several diagnosed mental illnesses before this happened and I tipped over the edge. I overdosed and harmed myself very deeply. I blacked out in the bathroom, I woke up half an hour later. I could hear smashing from downstairs.

I went back to my room and barricaded the door. My partner had called the police, as I had left him a voicemail telling him of my plans to end my life. He had called the police and they were on their way. The police did call me and talk to me to make sure I was concious. I told them I did not need the police anymore, it would make things worse.
The police woman told me that they would not come as long as I rang back at 7am to make sure I was safe. I agreed and she hung up.

At 3am the dogs start barking and the police are at the door. I was very upset as I had been planning to run away and was packing my case. I had a case packed and I planned to bolt as soon as I had the chance.

My mother was woken up by the commotion as was my 13 year old sister. My whole family was gathered in the living room. My dad kept smiling at them and telling them everything was fine. My mother was crying and confused. The police left eventually, and were reassured that I had not taken enough of anything to kill me (mainly painkillers and zoloft)

After the police closed the door my dad ran towards me and told me he wanted to kill me and wished I were dead. He punched me in the face and then began strangling me. My mum pulled him off and he started punching and kicking her too, screaming "let me get at it so I can kill the disgusting piece of shit." He was growling and snarling like an animal. He was still trying to get to me, and he shoved my sister out of the way and began attacking my mother again once she grabbed him.

At this point I did pick up the vaccum cleaner and hit him over the head with it.

I was severely scolded by my mother who told me to "stop being stupid and calm down." at the same time my father was screaming how he wished I was dead, how he wished my previous suicide attempts were successful, how he should kill the whole family because this is "the end" for us.

I vomited on the floor and could not stop hyperventilating and crying. My mother again told me to "shut up or the neighbours will hear." She did not at any point defend me.
She just stood there while my dad told me he wanted me to die and he wanted to kill me himself for ruining his life.

Some other things he told me were:
"I am going to lock you up, and throw away the key. You won't ever come out again."
"When your Nan finds out about this, she will die. You have killed her. Are you happy with yourself?"
"You are a fucked up little freak that needs your brain cutting out."

He said more but I cant talk about much more. It hurts too much.

I did not contact the police again out of fear. I stayed at my grandmas for a few days. I did not tell her the full story (the violence, the police, etc) as I knew she would maybe have a heart attack since she has bad heart problems.

My mum told me "I will not choose between you and your dad."

I did go home. Everyone acted like nothing had happened. My mother told me to just "forgive him, he was upset, what he did was justified."

Fast forward to now, my amazing partner helped me move out and now we live together, miles from where my parents live. I can finally sleep at night and feel safe but even now I still dream of it, I have awful nightmares.

I cant get over what happened. It eats me up inside every day. My dad has been abusive before but he never did that, he never said things that bad.

The thing I feel the worst about is that they just all moved on. My parents pretend I don't exist anymore. I had to drop out of school to move here and get away from them. But they don't.. it's like I never existed to them. If I try to call my mother I get screamed at.

I feel like I ruined my own life, and I'm ashamed of myself. I don't know where to go from here, I feel like it's all my fault. I even had to leave behind my puppy, Riley, because they wouldn't let me take him. He was my best friend, with me 24/7, and thinking of him makes me tear up.

I can't move on, I'm so scared and alone and frightened. I don't know why I'm writing here, I just need someone who has gone through something similar and come out OK. I just don't want to be alive but I don't want to end it because it would hurt my partner so much.