Not so good...

So today my Mum tricked me into thinking that she was watching what I was doing on the internet, so I told her that I'm Gay... and she didn't accept it very well. She started complaining about it being a choice and that the internet had "screwed me up".
Then she started complaining about the religious side of the argument and I tried to convince her that I had thought about this a lot, but she wouldn't understand.
Then in the middle of the argument my Dad called and I tried to get away to tell him to call back later and Mum got angry about that as well (she hates my Dad) and started off another argument.
Later on after I got away and locked myself in my room my Dad called back and I told him, and he was the opposite of my Mum. He said he still loved me and so I'm arranging to get away for a while to let my Mum have some space.

I'll update with more information as it happens, but I might be away for a while because I don't have a connection at my Dad's

 

Thanks hopefully I can get out of the house soon and get away from her for a while

 

Just Putting in an update on what has happened.
Things have cooled down with Mum, but I'm staying in my hometown until university offers are sent out.
I came out to my friends in my hometown, and got a great reception with them all being completely comfortable with me, and I've been spending a lot of time with them, and I've met some new great people as well while I've been here.

 

Not so good... The resulting next few years

Well it's been over three whole years since I made this post! I was bored tonight and thought It'd be a good idea to update this with how my life progressed since that fateful day just over three years ago, to give a bit of perspective on how my situation worked out... (warning this will be extremely long, I'm pushing together 3 years into a post lol, and I'm known for my life during some of this becoming a bit of a soap opera, I'll try to break it up with some time markers, because it's daunting now reading over it)

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Late 2008 - Early 2009
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Well lets start where I left off, I spent the summer back in my old hometown with my Dad, I had a blast of a time, and during that time I had a tiny fling that ended up in me losing a few things :icon_wink :lol: and gaining a better sense of myself. I went back in the last week of school holidays before Uni Enrolment to Mums, things had quietened down and there was no mention of what had happened before I left... I believe my Mum had just chosen to ignore it pretty much, so I spent that week there getting all my things ready for my move away, but tensions with my Mothers boyfriend (who had never liked me to start off with, and had a bit of a hatred against me.) got to boiling point, and I was picked up by the throat and thrown out of the house with all my bags.

Soon after that I left that place and Moved to my current home, owned by my grandparents in Bendigo, to live on my own for the first time ever. I started in University as a proud out gay guy, not hiding who I was for a second, and that is something I'll never regret doing, as it gave me room to grow and establish my own identity.

Things progressed and life went on, I made my own group of new friends, and I caught up with some I'd lost when I was forced to leave Bendigo a few years before, and before I knew it, I'd completed my first half year semester of university. As my accommodation was permanent (unlike university residential accommodation where you're kicked out between some semesters) I didn't have to worry about having to return to my mothers house, and I stayed in Bendigo. Around this time things started to get dark for me, I had been developing Depression for years under the mental and physical torment of my mothers partner, so after multitudes of pushing by my friends I went to see a Doctor, and my battle with depression began. I was put on Antidepressants to help me stabilise and underwent monitoring by my GP, eventually my meds were switched and I had a bad reaction to them, causing me to spend a lot of time bedridden and subsequently had to drop out of a semester of university.

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Mid 2009 (around June)
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During this time some significant players entered my life, who I'll refer to as S and R, I met R one day, as a casual hookup, me desperate to make any sort of a connection to the gay world in the town I was in and he, well I'm not sure what he wanted from it but we became close and pretty much best friends in a short amount of time, and through him I met S, S technically was my first real boyfriend (I say technically for reasons you'll understand if you read on) but within the first week of the relationship, he cheated on me, and it wasn't until the information about it had passed through the grapevine of the town and gotten back to my friends two weeks later did I find out. When I confronted him I saw his true face as he fed me lie after lie to try to cover his ass, and only when I'd had the person he cheated with come up to me bawling his eyes out and apologising did I get the true story, which turned out to be he'd been trying to do the same thing to that guy that he'd done to me. After this I was devastated, and I took a few months to recover from the blow to my self esteem and self confidence that I'd had dealt to me.

Time went on and my friendship with R went on, even after the disaster with S. He'd sworn that he'd not known that S was acting the way he was, and apologised for ever introducing us. and time went on as it does, and I slowly developed a crush on R, without me even realising it, I'd jump to run across town to support him if he was having trouble or was going through any issues, at any hour of day or night. Around this time, my meds were switched, and I'd started degrading back into a poor state of mental health. And R met a person I'm going to call J. Within a week I was fast becoming old news, he didn't want anything to do with me, and it all came to a head one weekend, when I rushed across town at midnight one night to keep an eye on R who was suicidal, due to a bad run of medical health. We'd agreed that I'd spend the weekend there to make sure he was ok, but on the first morning he'd asked J over, and anarchy sprung loose, R began to make moves on J and was stringing me along, and to the thin of it, essentially kicked me out, and after that we stopped speaking. Again my heart broke, even though R and I had never been romantically involved, I'd harboured some deep feelings for him, which with his actions over that weekend, he'd shattered, and again life for me went on...

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Mid/Late 2009 (August/September)
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I went through the issues that my meds caused mixed with the depression over the whole R situation, resolving in me missing the semester of university, and switching doctors and medications on to the third round of antidepressants, and things started to improve, I rebuilt myself, reopened burned bridges, and even though I didn't speak to R again, I didn't need to, that part of my life had finish, I had a fresh start.

It was late September 2009 by this point, I'd gotten back on my feet and I was starting to enjoy life again, and that's when the most significant event in my life (to me) occurred, I met my first real boyfriend. My life changed again, I fell head over heels for him, he was adorable, and had the lot, the looks, the personality, yet we were complete opposites, but somehow we matched up. The next three months were the busiest and happiest three months of my life, I spent nearly every waking minute of my life during that time with him, and probably that was one of the factors of why we fell apart. We spent too much time together, and at the end of three months we still loved each other but we were fighting about everything, part of the reason behind this was because unlike him I'd led a very sheltered life up until I left home because of the way my mother raised me and how I lived, and we'd fight over the tiniest things, a lot of which was my fault because I was used to my mothers way of doing things and was taught that I had to do things the *proper* way, and part of that was me feeling that I didn't need to have to go out all the time, I'd become ready to start settling down (I was planning on proposing to my partner in a couple of months, and was preparing to start saving for a ring), while my partner was still wanting to go out, hit the town, see the sights. We finally clashed in an all out fight, he left, and a few weeks later we talked over MSN and he dumped me officially.

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Late 2009 - Early 2010
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Again my heart was broken, but I'd become used to picking up the pieces and by February I was back on my feet ready to start again. Now during the last few months with my partner we'd adopted a pair of cats (more on them later) and joined a gay youth group that had just started in my local area, and though them I met their sponsor organisation, a Sexual Health Resource Charity that supported the LGBTIQ etc. etc. community, after breaking up with my partner I became heavily involved in the youth group, using my skills to design the groups' Logo, Set up their Website, and promote them in the community, and I used this experience to rebuild my life, and set myself back up as a person, and the people at the Charity and in the Youth group became the significant players that still factor in my life today.

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Early 2010 (February)
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Now during this period two major things occurred; I lost one of the cats that my partner and I adopted (ironically my one) to a congenital liver failure (which she was born with) and I attended; with my youth group my first ever pride rally. Pride restored my light a bit, and I started to regroup a bit and come back to being the person who I am today, and following Pride I attended with my group a number of LGBT events including a rural youth gay camp, a gay mens workshop, and hosted a IDAHO day Celebration, My youth group had taken a lot of my life, and it fulfilled me in a way that I'd never known before.

And again time went on, compared to 2009; 2010 was sedate, I caught Glandular fever and was forced to take my first semester off of Uni, and I'd gone off of my antidepressants for some reason that no-one (including me) knows, but the result was I stopped going to uni, for a reason that I didn't know and no-one has been able to work out, probably as a side effect of the depression, and by late 2010 I had developed insomnia/hypersomnia (alternating) and was suicidal again, one night in desperation, I wrote a status update to facebook showing my emotional state, and my youth groups worker caught on to it, and took me up to the hospital to go in for an emergency psych evaluation (I believe if it hadn't been caught when it did, I would have attempted suicide within a few days, this was a short while before the spate of gay suicides last year) and I went back into another course of antidepressants, and started Cognitive Behavioural Therapy... and that's where I've been since, because I missed a whole semester of Uni, I've been asked to take a year off to work on my mental health, so I'm in the process of doing that. I attended Pride again this year, and felt great walking down the street being a proud out gay man, supporting my Youth Group, and my Charity... Coming Up for me is the next big event on Victoria's Gay Calendar; The ChillOut Festival, where I'll be going again with my Youth Group, and I'll be living...

Well that's my life up until now, some of this I've never told anyone, I've definitely never written it down before, but it feels good to share my experiences, hopefully someone who reads this will gain some insight from it, or take a life lesson from my own mistakes, if by writing this I've helped one person then living it and writing it will be worth it. Thankyou to those who got this far, it touches me that you could stand my life all the way through to now, honestly, if I don't write it down, it'll be forgotten in a year or two either way, my memory is atrocious....

 

(*hug*) thanks, I've got a long way to go before uni will even consider letting me back, so I'm trying as hard as I can to get better, I just hope I don't backslide again like I have in the past