Hey guys.. So.. today.. I finally did it.. It was scary. Anxious.. You know what it is... So, my mom was sitting on my bed, fixing my clothes. We were talking about stuff, etc. And I felt like today was the day.. So, I started sweating. I could feel it. I told her.. "Mom, I need to tell you something." Of course, she's like "What..?" I stared at her.. And waited. "Remember since December I've changed and starting acting differently..?" And we talked. I never said that I was gay. I never said the word but something close. She was like.. "You like someone?" After I told her it was my best friend (one of them), she was like "No! That's just best friends feelings." But I kept telling her that it was something more than that. I also mentioned that I've had feelings for girls before. She also had her voice high. Kept telling me "No! That's not normal!" "Do you want to be this way?!" She made me cry in the middle and I felt so attacked. I didn't feel as supported. Then she said.. "Don't have those feelings again. If you do, forget about it." Forget..? How..? I explained to her that feelings cannot be controlled. It wasn't my fault. She even got confused. She THINKS it was my fault.. But how? My feelings for my best friend came out of nowhere. It wasn't my choice. She even mentioned that she was going to take me to the doctor. Because she thinks it's going to fuck me up. Thinks that it's going to make me insane. What.. the.. hell? So she kept saying "Don't... ever have those feelings.." I felt so sad. I felt so weak. I had to lie. What if they come back? It's been 7-8 months I've had feelings for my BFF... And I realized that what I felt for her was real. So powerful and so real. And HAH! You should've seen my mom's face when she read about "hormonal changes" in teens. It stated in the website "Being gay is NOT a genetic disorder". And boom, she gasped softly and stayed quiet as I formed a small grin at her. And she kept saying "But oh! You reaaaaallly liked your ex-bf!!!" Yeah, maybe. I don't even remember.. But that was... fake love.. to put it that way.. It didn't feel as real. Not as real as how I feel for my BFF. So... yeah.. She told me to stop thinking about it and to never speak of it again. I'm even gonna go to a physiologist so the physiologist can smack some sense into her. I hate that she keeps saying that seeing gay people is disgusting and when I told her that they have passed the law for gay marriage (which I'm SO happy for! )) ) she was like.. WTF. Ugh.. no. I was so shocked that my mom.. My MOM is one of those homophobic people? I felt tears swelling up.. How can I forget? How is this my fault? How can I stop my feelings? I could but it comes back, it isn't my fault and feelings cannot be stopped. I feel like my mom is forcing me to stop discovering myself, as a teenager. I feel so stuck, so peer-pressured... Well, it wasn't a coming out that I was expecting. But I'm not gonna stop myself from discovering myself. I'm still the same person. I'm still myself. I just found out that I like girls as well. I wouldn't label myself as bi because I'm not having any kinds of feelings for guys. And I want to be happy. I want to be comfortable with my life. If I fell in love with a girl, then it could be a sign. But what if I realized if I was gay my whole life and never realized it till now? Yeah, exactly. I've never been so happy till I came out to my friends. I feel like being gay myself... was part of me my whole life. I just needed to discover it at a point of my life. And I'm happy. And I won't care what my family or anyone thinks of me. :dry: So thanks for reading.. :icon_sad:
I'm sorry to hear it didn't go well for you. She may or may not ever accept you for who you are but you must be true to yourself.
Hi gamergirl Never stop being yourself. Little by little (and more quickly recently) we are changing the world. By being yourself we are educating people that being gay is perfectly normal and we aren't those strange stereotypical people that some religious people like to preach. From the tone of your post, I think that your mum will come around when she understands the truth about sexuality. Good luck and keep us posted!
She had a moment of failed parenting there, what you deserve is unconditional love and support from your mother of all people. Hopefully she will come around once she learns more and educates herself on the subject. You sound like a smart person, and someone willing to be themself despite society's or family's unreasonable objections to reality. And that is a great thing. (*hug*) Your friends are accepting and understanding though? You do need some support from somewhere, you are never alone and should never have to feel like it remember. Seeing a therapist with your mom is always a great idea! They should tell her the facts about LGBT+ people that she doesn't understand. Just make sure it isn't a specificially Christian "psychologist," who would tell your mom the lies she wants to hear. Just be aware if they're a real doctor and not one of those Christian counselors you hear about sometimes who only make things worse. Otherwise, seeing someone is a great use of time. Good luck with everything. And congrats on the bravery of coming out regardless of the response.
I'm so so sorry. Don't let her invalidate how you feel, because your feelings are always valid. Hopefully she'll come around, but I hope everything is okay.
