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I came out! It went great! ... and I'm still uncertain?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by DayHiker, Jul 14, 2015.

  1. DayHiker

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 2, 2014
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Indianapolis
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So I wrote here last week that I was going to try to come out over the weekend among a group of long-time, close friends — and using the quote now in my sig as something of an inspiration, morale booster, whatever.

    It didn't quite come off that way — Friday night, it turned into something closer to "If your Nerve, deny you — drink a lot of alcohol." I'm not sure that's the best way to go about it, but it worked! Everyone was completely fine with it (which, on some level, I knew they would be), and there were no awkward questions (which I was more worried about).

    I'm going to quote MattOnAStar from the earlier thread:

    ...because it turns out he was exactly right. Every word of it. My closest friend there said to me, "You know this changes nothing between us, right?" Which is exactly what I needed to hear. I couldn't ask for better friends. I was even able to come out — sober! — to a few people on Saturday who hadn't been there on Friday. Although it took a bit of a nudge, still. :slight_smile: And overall I was feeling pretty good all weekend about having come out.

    Until I got home on Sunday, and then I start having thoughts of "oh my God, what have I done" and "I wish I could take it back." Why the hell should I be having thoughts like that when I got a better reaction than I ever could have hoped for? Maybe because being closeted, while dishonest, was at least familiar, and being (partly) out is new and different and scary? Maybe because I realize I'm going to have to come out to more people now, given that some of my friends I've come out to know some of the ones I haven't, and while I trust the former not to out me, I don't want them to feel they have to keep my secrets? Maybe this is what Brené Brown calls the "vulnerability hangover?"

    I don't know. I only know that I was feeling that inexplicable anxiety pretty strongly Sunday evening and all of Monday. Today (Tuesday) not as much, but it's still crossing my mind quite a bit. Anyone else feel this way after a positive coming out experience? Any advice for getting over it? Intellectually I know this was a good thing, but I'm struggling to feel that way right now.
     
  2. The Purple One3

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2015
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Indiana
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thats awesome! Im so happy for you!!!(*hug*)